Mystery and the Mouth

John “Mystery” Morrison aka the Mouth. Or “Mystery and the Mouth”. A former Test player who is now a city councillor in Wellington. The best man to talk to when rain and spirits are coming down. Not for nothing did he get those nicknames.

First an explanation for the names. “When I first got picked for Wellington, Don Neely, who is now the president of New Zealand Cricket, reckoned that my bowling was hopeless,” Mystery says. “And he couldn’t work out why I was getting so many wickets in local tournaments. And I bowled slow left-armers, and he reckoned they did nothing. I said they do a lot more. Just that you can’t work it out, and neither can any other batsman.

“I once said, ‘Well if you are going to argue about who’s the best bowler and that I can’t bowl, everybody put 10 dollars in the kitty, and whoever gets the best figures in Saturday’s club cricket wins the poll.’ You wouldn’t believe it, I actually bowled four overs, four maidens, and took four wickets. Never happened before, never happened since. Two of them were caught at the boundary. And Don was in despair at this point. ‘How can you possibly get wickets? You don’t do anything,’ he said.”

“‘Well you know it’s the mystery of the whole thing,’ I said. They had a sports post that used to be printed here, and the headline was ‘Mystery bowler cleans up Karori’. One of those in-house nicknames that stuck.” And he managed just two wickets in 17 Tests.

If it is not clear by now why he is also called the Mouth, read on. “Maybe I am [the Mouth]. Maybe I talk too much. I did have a radio programme called ‘Mystery and the Mouth’. An English fellow called Miles Davis, and he certainly had a mouth, came up with it. I suggested ‘Mystery and the Mayor’ because I worked very closely with the mayor.

“But it’s fun, it’s rather strange, you can imagine how many times I have been the mystery speaker at dinners and what have you. People call me and ask me, ‘Will you be the mystery speaker?’ as if no one else has thought of it. So it’s strange. Look it’s more fun than being called John.”

But there was a time when the Mouth struggled for words. When the Mouth met his match. When he was doing commentary during the 1992 World Cup, off TV because TVNZ didn’t want to send commentators over to Australia. The Mouth’s match then was Henry Blofeld.

“Henry Blofeld was a guest commentator. And Henry is not afraid of a drink, he is particularly partial to red wine. And a day-night game in Australia - not only does it not start till 2pm, here because of time difference it starts at 4pm. So Henry had had a pretty big lunch, and a very big quota of red wine. And he came in to the room, and with all due respects to Henry he didn’t know which way he was pointing.

“The funny thing was, I think Pakistan were playing Sri Lanka, and Henry for half an hour didn’t mention any player at all. ‘Oh my dear old thing,’ he went. ‘How delightful … Isn’t this absolutely wonderful … Don’t they look wonderful in coloured shirts … Gee isn’t the game wonderful … These Sri Lankans are so exciting, and Pakistanis are so exciting … Mystery, my dear old fellow, pass the glass over, would you?’ He went on like that for half an hour. Never mentioned a ball bowled.

“And I am sitting there saying 'Henry, we are trying to commentate a World Cup match for heaven’s sakes'. ‘Oh my dear old thing, don’t worry about that,’ Henry went. ‘No it’s a lovely day, look everybody is happy. Don’t they look super out there on the field. I am sure they are going to bat well and bowl well.’ And never mentioned a player.”

There are many more funny stories that the Mouth tells, but they will remain a Mystery because of time constraints. “If you need anything, give me a yell,” says John before leaving after the rain has brought an early end to the Basin Reserve Test. A city councillor saying that is a good note to end the tour on.