April 23, 2013

The Piyush Chawla Simulator 2013

The latest advertising innovations in the IPL, and the BCCI's foray into video games

Spurred into action by Pepsi's newest advertising technique - extreme slo-mo shots of pretty cheerleaders gulping the drink during games - another IPL sponsor is planning to spice up its brand presence using similar techniques.

According to a release from the marketing department of the bank in question, we will soon see clips of attractive women in skin-tight clothing opening savings bank accounts (at 7% interest), in slow motion.

"Yes, TV viewers will soon be able to see the thrill of opening a savings account with our bank during IPL matches," said a spokesman who would have looked absolutely awesome in a spiffy safari suit. "We will have slo-mo shots of cheerleaders and models filling up extensive forms, providing address proof and ID proof, getting documents notarised and waiting at our counters while the personal banking officer runs off to verify something random - all in glorious HD. It is sure to boost our brand's mileage among IPL viewership."

"Sevenpercentinterestonsavingsaccounts," he added at breakneck speed, almost breaking Sameer Kochhar's record of saying the catchphrase in 2.4 seconds.

In addition, Sanjay Manjrekar will provide helpful commentary during these clips, saying stuff like: "Opening a savings account is just as exciting as the IPL. Forms. Signatures. Legal loopholes. And 7% - that's about the same as the percentage of IPL viewers who take me seriously when I talk about aggressive batting."

Another IPL sponsor, a telecom company, is considering showing clips of hot women frantically trying to redial dropped calls, and of the brand's "Fan of the Day" desperately trying to contact customer service and being foiled by the cunning recursive IVR.

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With the success of the term "Pondulkar" to describe the partnership of Sachin Tendulkar and Ricky Ponting at the top of Mumbai Indians' batting line-up, other teams are scrambling to come up with their own versions to delight fans.

"Teams are busy negotiating player transfers so that they can come up with their own Pondulkars," confirmed a spokesman for the IPL.

"There are already a few possibilities emerging - Sarabjit Ladda and Michael Hussey will be known as 'Lassi', James Faulkner and Parthiv Patel will be 'Faux-Pas', Brad Haddin and Brett Lee are going to be called 'Hadlee', S Badrinath and Azhar Mahmood will be 'Bad Mood', Luke Pomersbach and David Hussey will form 'Look Who's Back' and T Suman and Yogesh Nagar will simply be known as 'T Nagar'.

"Electronic scoreboard operators at all venues are rejoicing," he said.

"We are also trying to recruit more players into the IPL to help form partnerships that can have cool names. We have approached Vusi Sibanda so he can partner with Ravindra Jadeja to form 'Deja Vu'. We are also talking to Ryan Sidebottom - which opens up a world of possibilities," he grinned.

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A major video game developer has tied up with the BCCI to develop a range of simulation games for console and mobile platforms.

Sources said that with the success of simulators such as Farming Simulator 2013 and Euro Truck Simulator 2, the BCCI believes that there is a good market for hardcore simulation titles based on cricket.

The first title announced is Piyush Chawla Simulator 2013 - in which players can have an authentic experience of being a mildly over-rated spin bowler with a modest record and the ability to occasionally hit sixes.

The BCCI has also announced two follow up titles: Sameer Kochhar Simulator for Kinect (which uses the Kinect sensor to give you high scores based on the garishness of your clothes) and Navjot Singh Sidhu With Friends (a social MMO where you and your friends can all get together and experience what it would be like to live in a fantasy world where every single person is Navjot Singh Sidhu).

Anand Ramachandran is a writer, comics creator and videogame designer who works when he isn't playing some game with an "of" in its name. He tweets here. All quotes and "facts" in this article are made up, but you knew that already, didn't you?

Comments have now been closed for this article

  • Unmesh_cric on April 24, 2013, 19:36 GMT

    Welcome back Anand Ramachandran! Sanjay Manjrekar talking about aggressive batting is like Kohli & Gambhir talking about how to be humble and polite :-)

  • sk12 on April 24, 2013, 3:52 GMT

    yepp.. Hussey is now 1-half of my favourite beverage lassi.. Not sure how many wld get the T nagar reference,.. Are there T Nagars outside Chennai?

  • Tal_Botvinnik on April 23, 2013, 9:25 GMT

    IF Lee had Richard Levi caught behind of Haddin, it will be known as Richard Hadlee. LOL

  • AshesOnTheWall on April 23, 2013, 8:31 GMT

    OMG Anand... you are back.. missed you on page2.. good article to begin with.. expecting more from you in the future...the pondular one just made my day..

  • DilipR on April 23, 2013, 7:52 GMT

    Lol hilarious, might have to rethink the sidhu game though. Battlefield Sidhu where one has to shoot down as many sidhus possible will definitely have more takers.

  • dummy4fb on April 23, 2013, 7:41 GMT

    Sorry for being a pedant, but isn't Brad Haddin and Bret Lee already in the same team!! So Hadlee exists on this day!

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