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Indian IPL players affected by depreciating rupee
In heartrending scenes straight out of a Steinbeck novel, Indian IPL players affected by the depreciating value of the rupee have been observed eking out severely compromised lives. One cricketer, who now stands to be paid only Rs 15 crore for a few months' work as opposed to 18 crore had the wages been adjusted accordingly, was seen loading the family Bentley with all his possessions and striking out in search of greener pastures.
"Papa says there's a place where the fruit grows on trees, and that there are so many of them that you can just reach up and pick as many as you like," said the player's child as she wiped her runny nose on the sleeve of a $3000 Gucci fur coat that had clearly seen better days.
Other players similarly affected have spoken of the social stigma they have had to endure after having fallen on hard times. "I've been forced to go around town, looking for work," said one allrounder. "But no hair-transplant specialist will agree to give me any more than has already been done on my ravaged scalp."
Lehmann bravely faces ICC rap for comments
Darren Lehmann has faced the rap for his comments accusing Stuart Broad of being a cheat, and for appearing to instigate Australian crowds back home to turn on the England allrounder when the teams next play there.
The rap was written and performed in front of a dumbfounded Lehmann by ICC chief executive Dave Richardson, who spat his rhymes freestyle even as he maintained a surprisingly smooth flow. Wearing an outsize tracksuit jacket over his pin-stripe trousers, which were so low so that they partially exposed his ICC-issue silk boxer shorts, "D-Rich" first introduced himself ("I'm fresh like a Malinga wig / you can call me Mr Big"), questioned the coach's motives ("Yo Darren, you sure you ain't jus' hatin' / sounds to me like you be whingeing"), and chastised him for speaking out against Broad ("Unh, didn't nobody ever told you / If you gonna hate the playa / you might as well hate the game, unh"), before finally informing him of his punishment ("The lesson is plain to see / trash talkin' Stewie B / leads to paying cash money to the ICC").
"Unh, yeah," concluded Dave Richardson.
Lehmann was not immediately available for comment.
Chris Gayle mourns missed colour-coordination opportunity
In the surest sign yet that the timing, power, precision and unmatched hand-eye coordination that made Chris Gayle one of the world's most feared batsmen are gradually deserting him, the cricketer failed to properly grasp a clear-cut opportunity to colour-coordinate a pair of sunglasses with a pair of shoes he was wearing.
Gayle opted to wear a neutral black-rimmed pair of Aviators in the belief that they would go best with the rest of his muted, dark-coloured training kit, whereas anyone with even a passing knowledge of the game could see that the parrot-green sunglasses would have been an edgier choice, as they would have matched the neon-green rubber soles of his shoes.
"I guess I forgot about the green soles because they're not all that visible to the wearer," began Gayle as he tried to explain the glaring mistake, before breaking down to confess, "Oh, who am I kidding? I'm just nowhere near as sharp as I was before. This is how it begins. The decline.
"Oh well, I guess there's always TV commentary. Oh ****, but you have to learn how to colour-coordinate ties for that job, don't you?"
Unsure if man wearing England jersey is being ironic or not
It was not immediately known whether a man seen walking around in public wearing an England ODI shirt was being ironic about it or not. Given that recent England success has emboldened the average England cricket fan, it is on the one hand entirely possible that the man's wearing of the team's colours was an honest and serious expression of his allegiance. On the other hand, the name printed across the back of the jersey was "Root", and the wearer was seen entering an Australian-themed pub.
As it transpired, the man wearing the Root jersey turned out to be none other than Joe Root himself. Which, funnily enough, still doesn't make it any clearer as to whether the jersey was being worn ironically or not.
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