September 26, 2013

Twitter round-up

'Motion sickness does destroy me every time'

Alex Bowden
Kemar Roach passes on some advice to Shannon Gabriel, West Indies v Zimbabwe, 2nd Test, Dominica, 3rd day, March 22, 2013
Kemar Roach conducts Paranoia 101: "Don't look now but they're watching us"  © WICB Media Photo/Randy Brooks
Enlarge

The world's cricketers have been handing out a lot of advice this week. Needlessly to say, most of it is completely worthless. If they're not totally ignorant regarding the locations of celestial bodies, they're confusing mountains with agricultural land or advocating change for change's sake. Unless they're talking you through the menu at Nando's, don't listen to them - they'll be out of their depth.

The astronomer
Kemar Roach thinks he's aiming high.

"Aim For The Moon So If You Miss You're Still Amongst Those Stars!"
@KemarAJR

Actually Kemar, the moon is typically around 150 million kilometres away from the nearest star (the Sun) and 4.24 light years from the next nearest. In contrast, it is only 384,400 kilometres away from Earth, so even if you reach your target you'll still be much, much closer to terra firma than the stars.

The big bang
Dale Steyn's still winning and still saying boom.

"Boom! Rusty... but a win is a win!!! Is it still cool to say boom?"
@DaleSteyn62

No. And frankly it never was.

The DIY project
Graeme Swann has a shed conversion to carry out.

"My last shred of manhood has been stripped by my wife's orders to turn my garden shed into a boutique winter sleeping zone for our cats..."
@Swannyg66

The modesty
Worcestershire's Jack Shantry feels he's ticking all the boxes.

"Be a hard choice between getting 7 for or being the best looking bloke in Worcester, luckily I've experienced both"
@JackShantry

Past tense, though.

The drama queen
Kraigg Brathwaite's not a great traveller.

"Motion sickness does destroy me everytime"
@K_Brathwaite

"Destroy."

Life with Kemar Roach
How's Kemar keeping?

"Trust No One!"
@KemarAJR

Tough week.

What's your philosophy?
Shaun Pollock is as relentless with words of wisdom as he was with the ball.

"3 life changing principles.Eliminate excuse and avoid procrastination, face the truth no matter how painful, stop feeling sorry for yourself"
@7polly7

Sometimes, Shaun, it seems like you want us to change our life pretty much weekly. That's a lot of turmoil. Why do we always have to change?

Chris Gayle has the answer.

"Our life doesn't get better by chance - it gets better by changes!"
@henrygayle

So there you go. Everyone's in agreement. We all just have to keep changing things, day after day, week after week, no matter whether it seems a good idea or not.

The mixed metaphor
But is Pollock really to be trusted? This doesn't make much sense.

"Whatever you shout into the mountain range echo's back at you, so sow what you want to reap."
@7polly7

Surely the second part of that should read "so shout what you want to hear again after a short delay, only slightly more faintly."

Nando's Watch
Alex Hales seems to be supporting this feature pretty much single-handedly these days.

"In nandos in my playing trousers and cap, getting all sorts of funny looks.. #fullkitw*****"
@AlexHales1

Interesting that there's a swear word specifically geared towards professional cricketers.

Jet lag Watch - part two
Somewhere in the world, there is always - always - a cricketer complaining about jet lag. Darren Bravo fulfils the role this week.

"Jet lag! Hungry and can't sleep."
@DMBravo46

Alex Bowden blogs at King Cricket

RSS Feeds: Alex Bowden

© ESPN Sports Media Ltd.

Posted by Fan_of_test_cricket on (September 28, 2013, 6:57 GMT)

"So shout what you want to hear again after a short delay, only slightly more faintly." Ha ha ha ..... great stuff!!

Posted by ROLAYH on (September 27, 2013, 13:57 GMT)

Like always, Pollock and Roach rule this article.. Missing Best though..

Posted by AnanthX on (September 26, 2013, 20:24 GMT)

Excellent one. Do keep up the wonderful work!

Posted by KrikIndFan on (September 26, 2013, 12:42 GMT)

@Gedladd, I'm with you on Nandos, I pass by one to work every single day without being much appealing to go in, but all these talk from our good 'ol cricketers makes me wanna try it out. One day...I will!

Posted by GedLadd on (September 26, 2013, 7:30 GMT)

Where would this column be without the wise words of Kemar and Polly? Back to quoting the pumped words of Tino Best, probably.

One day I really shall try Nandos, I really shall. But not today.

Great column this time around, top tweets.

Comments have now been closed for this article