'Roses are red, I'm going to bed'
Paul Collingwood was enjoying his stay in Australia at first, as illustrated by this fantastically creative simile.
Always remember that feeling as a kid waiting to open my presents. Was like a kid at Xmas #santa— Paul Collingwood (@Colly622) December 25, 2013
On top of which, he says the Aussies are easing off a bit.
Well Sydney was pleasant for 2 hrs, only sledged 3 times in that period which is unusual for Aussies. Last flight to NZ now #marathon— Paul Collingwood (@Colly622) December 29, 2013
But maybe it's just that the sledging's not so obvious. The following New Year advice from Shane Warne reads rather like it might be a sly reference to Graeme Swann and England. Perhaps this is the way the Aussies are going about things nowadays.
Here's a tip for 2014, giving up doesn't mean you're a quitter, it just means whatever you're fighting for is no longer worth the fight !!!— Shane Warne (@warne888) December 30, 2013
Shane Warne and subtlety? It does seem unlikely.
At least one Englishman's fighting back. It may be that David Lloyd hasn't been blown away by Australian beer.
Some more wonderful Oz beers ... A hint of fabreze....im getting an aftertaste of Jiff— David 'Bumble' Lloyd (@BumbleCricket) December 30, 2013
There was one other England v Australia cricket thing, of course. You probably heard about Brett Lee bowling at Piers Morgan in the MCG nets. Lee broke Morgan's rib with one of a number of bodyline deliveries.
It was never going to be six balls aimed at the top of off stump. It wasn't really a line and length kind of stunt.
The horror show
Lee v Morgan wasn't the most horrific recent sight, however.
The sporting ignorance
ESPN really do cover all sports. Lumberjacks cutting through wood as fast as they can is one I'm new to.— Chris Tremlett (@ChrisTremlett33) December 31, 2013
Has he never spoken to Peter Siddle about the woodchopping career the Australian seamer enjoyed as a youth. If you didn't know, Siddle apparently secured several district titles.
No one wants to be stung by a jellyfish, but if you know the infamous cure there are certain parts of the body you should certainly keep well away from them.
Jellyfish in the face...not ideal! #anyoneneedawee— Chris Morris (@Tipo_Morris) December 29, 2013
The style advice
Mark Butcher sees a lot of potential in Nathan Lyon.
Lyon needs to let the hair go & embrace his latent #baldybeardy— mark butcher (@markbutcher72) December 26, 2013
"Roses are red,I'm going to bed."— Darren Lil B46 Bravo (@DMBravo46) December 19, 2013
I'm feeling like a stuff chicken.— Chris Gayle (@henrygayle) December 27, 2013
Life with Kemar Roach
What keeps Kemar awake at night?
Late Night Ribs! #Insomnia— Kemar Roach (@KemarAJR) December 26, 2013
It's not clear whether that was a cause or a coping strategy, however.
You may remember a month or so ago, Chris Nash and Josh Cobb appearing to do little in Bangladesh but frequent Nando's. How times change.
Re-united with @cobby24 in New Zealand. Bangladesh seems a long time ago. Fancy a nandos???— Chrisnash (@chrisnash23) December 28, 2013
Happy New Year everyone. I hope 2014 is the greatest year of your life!— Michael Clarke (@MClarke23) December 31, 2013
And what, it's all downhill after that? Is that what you hope for us? Thanks a stack, Pup.
Alex Bowden blogs at King Cricket