July 9, 2014

Beware Shakib

If your children don't go to sleep, he will get them
19

Shakib Al Hasan has taken the unprecedented step of subverting the umpires by signalling sixes himself
Shakib Al Hasan has taken the unprecedented step of subverting the umpires by signalling sixes himself © AFP

The crash of 2008 was the biggest bank-related catastrophe this planet has faced since the last one. The aftershocks of this man-made disaster are still being felt (although not by the men who made it.) The global economy is more sluggish than an elderly slug just after a heavy lunch and it may be years before we are able to refer to the profession of banking without attaching a ripe expletive.

So it is heartening to report that one sector of the global economy is doing well. The Bangladeshi Hyperbole industry is flourishing, thanks to the efforts of men like BCB President Nazmul Hassan who has this week shown himself to be a master of the hyperbolic arts.

We all know what happens when cricketers are naughty. There's a spot of post-match detention, a splutter of tabloid outrage, a bland statement from the board reminding players not to make fun of the umpire's moustache/smuggle endangered tree frogs onto the field of play/declare war during the lunch interval. The guilty man issues a mea culpa on Twitter and we all get on with our lives.

But the BCB doesn't roll that way. When Shakib Al Hasan misbehaved recently, President Hassan took the opportunity to pump some hot air into the hyperbole market.

"He has a severe attitude problem, which is unprecedented in the history of Bangladeshi cricket."

I don't have an encyclopaedic knowledge of the history of the attitude problem in Bangladeshi cricket, but in my experience, attitude problems are ten a penny, particularly where competitive sport is concerned. But no, according to Mr Hassan, if you could line up all the attitude problems in the history of Bangladeshi cricket, then Shakib's would stand out like Andrew Strauss at a tact-and-diplomacy awareness session.

"Some of the allegations were so inhuman we were in awe as to how a player can commit these crimes."

Blimey. We must be talking some pretty high-grade naughtiness. So what did he do? And why is such a monster allowed to roam the streets? He could be sitting behind you on the bus right now. He could be hiding under your bed or waiting in the lift. All over Bangladesh, little children are being told that if they don't go to sleep, Shakib will get them. I shudder to ask, Mr President, but can we see the charge sheet?

1. Allegedly not attending a training camp
2. Allegedly failing to obtain the correct piece of paperwork to play in the Caribbean
3. Allegedly leaving the dressing room to allegedly have an alleged altercation with a man who had allegedly harassed his wife.

Oh. Put down the pitchforks and torches, climb off your high horses and stand down the moral police, there's nothing to see here. It's just the usual heart-warming tale of modern cricket: high-profile cricketer in contract squabbles with board.

But Mr Hassan is convinced there's more to it.

"If this continues, our future will be destroyed."

There you have it. Shakib's crimes are so dangerous they will bring about the destruction of the fabric of time itself. Perhaps President Hassan ought to tone it down a little. He has set the outrage bar so high there's nowhere left to go. I fear if he were to come across a real scandal (such as, for example, an outbreak of match-fixing in Bangladesh's premier T20 competition) his head might just explode.

Andrew Hughes is a writer currently based in England. He tweets here

Comments have now been closed for this article

  • halfbloodprince.du on July 10, 2014, 22:17 GMT

    @baundele Ah! Justified...you think? Why? Why won't they banish him from the country for the "heinous" crimes (oh, and do elaborate on the crimes, if you may) that he committed? That would have been even better for Bangladesh, don't you think? (and to Andrew Hughes nice one, mate...well written)

  • Shariful-Islam on July 10, 2014, 11:41 GMT

    @Baundele: Shakib took NOC with Tamim. Tamim played in Rest of World XI with that NOC. Shakib think, he didn't take NOC again. For that reason he didn't apply for NOC. But last moment he has heard that he need to take NOC again. So Shakib apply for NOC at the last moment.

  • Baundele on July 10, 2014, 8:21 GMT

    Shakib was punished for 3 matches not long ago for making unacceptable gestures in front of TV camera. He did not learn from that mistake. For the NOC he was strictly told by the board not to leave without it. He applied for it on 01.07 and left the country on 02.07. So, the punishment is quite justified. If he learns from it, we will see a stronger Shakib. Good for Bangladesh cricket.

  • on July 10, 2014, 8:18 GMT

    Andrew thanks for the article but u r only aware of only one side of the coin. personal grudges played a bigger role in this case than the mistakes he did. attempting to protect one's wife is not wrong. it was BCB's duity to provide security to players and their family. they are framing own fault as Sakib's crime. He has attitude problem definitely but if it is so harmful make him undergo treatment

  • crying_game on July 10, 2014, 3:08 GMT

    @ Anthony Purcell: I literally fell off my chair laughing at your comment.! Priceless~~!!:))

  • rajkirp on July 10, 2014, 2:29 GMT

    Look at it from BCB point of view. It does not matter if Shakib is in the team or not. Bangladesh lost to a second grade Indian team with Shakib in the team. So, it is the right time to exercise control for the board members and deflect losses to cricketer's attitude and maintain position.

    Look at it from Shakib point of view. He did well for KKR in IPL. He will now be first choice of selection as an all rounder for KKR above Jacques Kallis. So, time to feel indispensable in Bangladesh cricket and show attitude.

    Appears to be a Win-Win situation for both the parties. Or, is it a stalemate?

  • on July 10, 2014, 0:33 GMT

    What a funny article. LOL

  • saifkhanBD on July 9, 2014, 22:41 GMT

    The issue could have been dealt more in-house without making over the top statements to the media. It seems more like a personal grudge from individuals within the BCB. How can the board stop a man from earning his livelihood for such long period of time? Clowns.

  • Samad.Sylhet.Mitali.Raynogor on July 9, 2014, 18:02 GMT

    I think our BCB President needs directions on how to operate a cricket player..

  • on July 9, 2014, 16:43 GMT

    awesome article. to the point. in a talk show, his wing man Khaled Mahmud (you know the former "allrounder" who batted like a bowler and bowled like a batsman) said, shakib does not receive his phone calls.

  • halfbloodprince.du on July 10, 2014, 22:17 GMT

    @baundele Ah! Justified...you think? Why? Why won't they banish him from the country for the "heinous" crimes (oh, and do elaborate on the crimes, if you may) that he committed? That would have been even better for Bangladesh, don't you think? (and to Andrew Hughes nice one, mate...well written)

  • Shariful-Islam on July 10, 2014, 11:41 GMT

    @Baundele: Shakib took NOC with Tamim. Tamim played in Rest of World XI with that NOC. Shakib think, he didn't take NOC again. For that reason he didn't apply for NOC. But last moment he has heard that he need to take NOC again. So Shakib apply for NOC at the last moment.

  • Baundele on July 10, 2014, 8:21 GMT

    Shakib was punished for 3 matches not long ago for making unacceptable gestures in front of TV camera. He did not learn from that mistake. For the NOC he was strictly told by the board not to leave without it. He applied for it on 01.07 and left the country on 02.07. So, the punishment is quite justified. If he learns from it, we will see a stronger Shakib. Good for Bangladesh cricket.

  • on July 10, 2014, 8:18 GMT

    Andrew thanks for the article but u r only aware of only one side of the coin. personal grudges played a bigger role in this case than the mistakes he did. attempting to protect one's wife is not wrong. it was BCB's duity to provide security to players and their family. they are framing own fault as Sakib's crime. He has attitude problem definitely but if it is so harmful make him undergo treatment

  • crying_game on July 10, 2014, 3:08 GMT

    @ Anthony Purcell: I literally fell off my chair laughing at your comment.! Priceless~~!!:))

  • rajkirp on July 10, 2014, 2:29 GMT

    Look at it from BCB point of view. It does not matter if Shakib is in the team or not. Bangladesh lost to a second grade Indian team with Shakib in the team. So, it is the right time to exercise control for the board members and deflect losses to cricketer's attitude and maintain position.

    Look at it from Shakib point of view. He did well for KKR in IPL. He will now be first choice of selection as an all rounder for KKR above Jacques Kallis. So, time to feel indispensable in Bangladesh cricket and show attitude.

    Appears to be a Win-Win situation for both the parties. Or, is it a stalemate?

  • on July 10, 2014, 0:33 GMT

    What a funny article. LOL

  • saifkhanBD on July 9, 2014, 22:41 GMT

    The issue could have been dealt more in-house without making over the top statements to the media. It seems more like a personal grudge from individuals within the BCB. How can the board stop a man from earning his livelihood for such long period of time? Clowns.

  • Samad.Sylhet.Mitali.Raynogor on July 9, 2014, 18:02 GMT

    I think our BCB President needs directions on how to operate a cricket player..

  • on July 9, 2014, 16:43 GMT

    awesome article. to the point. in a talk show, his wing man Khaled Mahmud (you know the former "allrounder" who batted like a bowler and bowled like a batsman) said, shakib does not receive his phone calls.

  • on July 9, 2014, 15:37 GMT

    There are words and then there are actions. He may have said he will quit playing for BD but he did come back as asked by BCB. Does anyone really believe a cricketer would quit playing for his country for domestic leagues?

  • Biggus on July 9, 2014, 15:05 GMT

    He sounds a notorious character. I bet he has a super secret base somewhere in the Indian Ocean like all evil geniuses. We'll probably find he has the missing Malaysian Airlines plane down there. No way the BCB head can deal with this without donning a lycra super suit and adopting his alter ego, 'Bureaucrat Man', with his magic 'Permission Denied' red stamp feared by all miscreants who presume to flout THE RULES . We should count our lucky stars we can sleep at night safe from prowling evil geniuses due to the unceasing vigilance of such unsung heroes.

  • on July 9, 2014, 13:33 GMT

    Narrow minded people ruling all over BCB, Please let this kid play fro sake of goodness of Bangladesh.

  • DTheater on July 9, 2014, 13:26 GMT

    Thanks a lot Andrew. By far the best article I've read on this recent BCB conundrum.

    I wish BCB Chief and his intellectual disciples of the Board read this article. Mr. Nazmul's personal grudge was oozing out with every word he spoke out.

    Such an outrageous decision against the best sporting talent Bangladesh has ever produced since its independence. Thanks Mr. Nazmul for nurturing our talents.

  • sarath141 on July 9, 2014, 12:20 GMT

    Feel very sorry for Shakib. That kind of penalty is outrageous!!

  • ramli on July 9, 2014, 11:52 GMT

    A hefty fine would have sufficed ... this ban and denying NOCs are ridiculous ... no wonder that BD cricket will not improve ...

  • ImonG on July 9, 2014, 11:13 GMT

    Ha ha ha , good one Andrew ... the way Mr. Hossain has portrayed Shakib, any one not having some knowledge of BD cricket & how their entire setup operates, can easily assume that Shakib is probably the BD version of Hannibal Lecter. Seriously .... ROFL

  • on July 9, 2014, 9:22 GMT

    These intolerable levels of hyperbole are undoubtedly the single greatest threat facing modern civilisation.

  • on July 9, 2014, 8:13 GMT

    What Shakib has done is really problematic Mr Hughes. No organization (even a sports one) can survive if the (contracted) employees start showing disrespect to discipline so blatantly & publicly.

  • No featured comments at the moment.

  • on July 9, 2014, 8:13 GMT

    What Shakib has done is really problematic Mr Hughes. No organization (even a sports one) can survive if the (contracted) employees start showing disrespect to discipline so blatantly & publicly.

  • on July 9, 2014, 9:22 GMT

    These intolerable levels of hyperbole are undoubtedly the single greatest threat facing modern civilisation.

  • ImonG on July 9, 2014, 11:13 GMT

    Ha ha ha , good one Andrew ... the way Mr. Hossain has portrayed Shakib, any one not having some knowledge of BD cricket & how their entire setup operates, can easily assume that Shakib is probably the BD version of Hannibal Lecter. Seriously .... ROFL

  • ramli on July 9, 2014, 11:52 GMT

    A hefty fine would have sufficed ... this ban and denying NOCs are ridiculous ... no wonder that BD cricket will not improve ...

  • sarath141 on July 9, 2014, 12:20 GMT

    Feel very sorry for Shakib. That kind of penalty is outrageous!!

  • DTheater on July 9, 2014, 13:26 GMT

    Thanks a lot Andrew. By far the best article I've read on this recent BCB conundrum.

    I wish BCB Chief and his intellectual disciples of the Board read this article. Mr. Nazmul's personal grudge was oozing out with every word he spoke out.

    Such an outrageous decision against the best sporting talent Bangladesh has ever produced since its independence. Thanks Mr. Nazmul for nurturing our talents.

  • on July 9, 2014, 13:33 GMT

    Narrow minded people ruling all over BCB, Please let this kid play fro sake of goodness of Bangladesh.

  • Biggus on July 9, 2014, 15:05 GMT

    He sounds a notorious character. I bet he has a super secret base somewhere in the Indian Ocean like all evil geniuses. We'll probably find he has the missing Malaysian Airlines plane down there. No way the BCB head can deal with this without donning a lycra super suit and adopting his alter ego, 'Bureaucrat Man', with his magic 'Permission Denied' red stamp feared by all miscreants who presume to flout THE RULES . We should count our lucky stars we can sleep at night safe from prowling evil geniuses due to the unceasing vigilance of such unsung heroes.

  • on July 9, 2014, 15:37 GMT

    There are words and then there are actions. He may have said he will quit playing for BD but he did come back as asked by BCB. Does anyone really believe a cricketer would quit playing for his country for domestic leagues?

  • on July 9, 2014, 16:43 GMT

    awesome article. to the point. in a talk show, his wing man Khaled Mahmud (you know the former "allrounder" who batted like a bowler and bowled like a batsman) said, shakib does not receive his phone calls.