'I was too scared to say anything about it' September 2, 2007

Trescothick reveals mental torment

Cricinfo staff

'I was too scared to say anything about it' © Getty Images

Marcus Trescothick has spoken for the first time about the depressive illness which has blighted his career and which threatens to curtail it prematurely.

In a frank and open interview with his former Somerset team-mate, Iain Fletcher, in today's Scotland on Sunday, Trescothick insists he does not have a mental illness but concedes he will be "seeing the medical people for years".

"No one knew what was going on," he said. "I didn't understand it. People were telling me things and I was like: 'No, there is nothing wrong, I just get a bit worried now and then.' I couldn't express it to people, so I was too scared to say anything about it.

"It's always been reported as a stress-related illness," he continued. "I'm not mentally ill, that's for sure. It all came from the build-up of playing and training, practising and being away from home. It's a combination of different things and the constant grind of being away all the time. I've never necessarily enjoyed going away, I've never really played my best and then combined with a new family it just came to a point where it was like: 'F***!'"

Speaking of his departure from England's tour of Australia, Trescothick revealed he was in a state of confusion, and "not sure how to cope with this at the moment", even when at the crease. But he also said that although the illness appeared to outsiders to have come from nowhere, he has probably suffered from it for years.

"People didn't even know at the end of last summer. Even in the England team, a couple of the lads came along and said: 'Right, what's going on?' I remember in South Africa and Australia (2002-03) waking up in cold sweats thinking about my batting."

Trescothick declared himself unavailable for the winter tours, including the inaugural Twenty20 Championship next week - despite being named in the initial 30-man squad in July.

"I haven't got anything to prove," he said. "I watch it on TV now and think: 'Just give me that chance again,' but I'm not going to do it until in my mind I am 100% and I have to be certain."

Read the full interview at the Scotland on Sunday