Australia v SL, Champions Trophy, Group A, The Oval June 17, 2013

The remake that has gone bust

Long gone are the days when any group of Australian cricketers were world-beaters. Now the best they've got just doesn't look good enough

Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment was not as good as the original, but carried a few of the cast, some decent jokes, and had the recruits out on the streets fighting with Bobcat Goldthwait. Police Academy 7: Mission To Moscow had pretty much nothing at all. It seems that just putting words Police Academy into the title couldn't recreate any of the magic from the earlier films.

There was a feeling for a while that no matter which XI cricketers you put in the Australian team, it wouldn't matter. Just having XI players playing for Australia would lift them to a devastating standard of cricket. They'd fight until the end, they'd come together, and they'd do their country proud. It was a myth. Propaganda. Australian hearts aren't bigger than normal hearts. They don't pump supernatural sporting blood.

This current team has mortal blood in them. That could not have been highlighted more than when Australia were one wicket down against Sri Lanka, and needed a match-winning partnership and their batsmen were Phillip Hughes and Glenn Maxwell.

Trumper and Hill. Ponsford and Bradman. Simpson and Chappell. Taylor and Boon. Hayden and Ponting. Australia have had some pretty special top orders. Hughes and Maxwell won't be added to that list.

It is unfair to even mention them near that list. This is just an ODI. And an odd ODI where Australia had to chase the total in 29.1 overs to make the next stage of the tournament. It's not the normal batting order, and unlike most of the combinations above, it's not a Test match.

But if you wanted to see how far Australia had fallen, Maxwell running down the wicket like a madman and Hughes batting as though the inside edge was the middle of his bat were a pretty good example.

Hughes averages 44 in first-class cricket, and Maxwell 37. Both respectable for a young opener and a batting allrounder. But they're not as impressive off paper.

Maxwell clearly has an amazing eye, and some confidence. Maxwell is a man who can flat-bat Lasith Malinga through mid-off for four. Contrary to popular thinking, and even if they were wrong, there is a reason he was a million dollar man in the IPL. But he does swing madly across the line in a way that makes you think he's perhaps not a batsman, but a bowler with a good eye. The answer to any question in Australian cricket at the moment is Glenn Maxwell, and that is a concern.

The problem is that while Maxwell can make a good 30-odd in quick time, he doesn't really think his way through innings. He had Sri Lanka hopping, he had them worrying, he'd already scored a boundary in the over against Malinga, he didn't need to back away and expose his stumps to the one man in cricket who was most likely to hit them.

Hughes' technique has been repaired more times than Shane Watson. Yet, every time it is repaired it comes back with a new fault. Even with that, it seems his biggest problem is his confidence. No amount of tweaking, coaching or manipulation of his technique can ever bring back the confidence he had when he was a young batsman. I doubt there is a bowler in world cricket who wouldn't fancy himself with Hughes at the other end.

Hughes is a man who made back-to-back hundreds against Steyn, Ntini and Morkel. And yet faced with a fairly innocuous ball outside off stump he played a shot that could have only resulted in a caught behind, play and miss or, at best, a single to third man.

You could argue that Hughes is a weird pick for the ODI side, but his List A average is 48. You could argue that Maxwell is not an ODI No. 3, but the boy can pinch hit. There are reasons they are there. They're not blokes Australia found on the street. They're the best they can find.

The chase of 254 in 29.1 overs was never going to be easy, or even, all that possible.

But it's not just that they didn't make it, it's just that they stopped four wickets down. Their fifth wicket was 11 runs off 27 balls as Mitchell Marsh scratched and Adam Voges consolidated. Only Matthew Wade from that point on made any attempt at the total they needed to make the semis.

Maybe it's romantic and unrealistic, but it is likely previous Australian sides would have just kept running into the fire. Swinging away wildly. Chasing until there was no hope left. This team either didn't have that in them, or couldn't do it.

The main bit of fight they showed was a last wicket partnership that made Sri Lankan fans nervous for a while.

This has been a dodgy start for Australia's summer in the UK. Their opening batsman is currently suspended. Their one superstar is still injured. They lost two and shared one in this tournament. Their team environment is not great. The only bright spot today was when Ricky Ponting was in their dressing room.

Unfortunately for Australia, Ponting was not coming back, he was just performing a walk on. The old cast aren't getting back together. The old magic will not be regained. They are stuck with what they have.

The Australia one-day team is currently very close to Police Academy 7. There are a couple of faces you sort of know, and none are the quality of the originals. And just like Police Academy, as the series got worse, the more you saw of George "GW" Bailey, the legendary character actor.

It's not the players' fault. Unlike a film series, you can't simply stop playing sport just because your team isn't as good as it used to be.

Jarrod Kimber is 50% of the Two Chucks, and the mind responsible for

Comments have now been closed for this article

  • Dummy4 on June 19, 2013, 4:27 GMT

    just say sri lanka bowled well that day......... it was mathews mistake not to bring in dilly early on speacially when doherty was batting

  • Dummy4 on June 18, 2013, 18:12 GMT

    yes, the aussie side has weakened considerably. not because they got knocked out of the tournament but because i've never seen aussie sides rolled over for 65 runs on a pitch where the other side got to 300...

    in the actual league matches the aussies were plain unlucky.... and to all those people defending the nrr.... don't tell me that new zealand had any right to get that huge net run rate advantage..... which in fact, eventually helped sri lanka more than it did the kiwis since had the aussies not been so far behind on nrr they would have probably made it... the aussie wickets fell because they were trying to score @ 8 an over...

    and on top of that the aussies were deprived of a win in tht game against the kiwis....

  • shankar on June 18, 2013, 17:03 GMT

    Throw in Ponting, Katich and Hussey, and Australia will be good to score 500+ in every Ashes Test innings.

  • Dummy4 on June 18, 2013, 15:44 GMT

    I don't criticize for Australia's present performance in ICC Champions Trophy 2013. All their legendary cricketers have retired at a time and it will take time for them to find good players. What I am not loving about Australian cricket is that selectors are not patient enough with some set of players. They have forcefully made players like Simon Katich and Michael Hussey retire from National duties. Ponting was not at all good in form, so asking him to retire is fine. Look at the way Hussey played in IPL. One more problem Aussies is facing is the spinners problem, selectors have to seriously groom some set of spinners or bring a spinner coach like the England team. Mustaq Ahmed is doing wonders with Swann and Panesar. Captaincy must be given to Bailey in T20 and ODI's. In tests Shane Watson or Clarke. Australia is doing well in their home conditions but not doing well when they are away which the past Australian team haven't done. So, only time will tell until then have to wait.

  • Heath on June 18, 2013, 15:33 GMT

    @bobmartin they lost the match because they had to get the runs in 29 overs. That is relevant in effecting the result.

  • Dummy4 on June 18, 2013, 14:01 GMT

    What felt like teething issues seem more like festering ones now and ACB will need to take some bold steps to restore the Aussies to their former glory. An Aussie team has always had grit. This was personified through its captains and key players through the last few decades, be it Border, Boon, Lillee, Gilchrist, Ponting McGrath or Warne. It seems that the fight has gone out of their system of late. Hope that there is silver lining to this cloud hanging around Aussie cricket, of which Hughes is only a personification. They need a serious soul searching not summary executions.

  • Sam on June 18, 2013, 12:39 GMT

    As much as I did enjoy the hyperbole of calling this team Police Academy 7, and implying that the great past Aussie teams were Gods amongst men whose flawless techniques never failed them and this team is an uncompetitive minnow, its unfair to judge a team on whether or not they could chase 250 in 29 overs, with 3 of their best players missing. Even all of those great past batsmen that the article mentions scored ducks and were dismissed playing shots they would have preferred to wipe from memory. (Lets not forget that even the almighty Thunder God, Hayden, was once dropped) Although the article hints at the fact that mental strength is likely a bigger factor than technique here, I don't think this is fully appreciated. Even the great WI team which burst onto the scene by demolishing India then England were at the time coming off a humiliating loss in Aus and former players now claim that defeat was the catalyst for their greatness.

  • Harikrishnan on June 18, 2013, 12:24 GMT

    Its saddening to see the Mighty Aussies fall like this. I am an Indian, for the previous 17 years I have revered the way Aussies play.

    This is a cycle of Change similar to what happened to the strongest teams ever.

    It happened to the West Indies, after winning the world cups and by the 1990s they had started their descent. Even we Indians had a transition the lose of Sachin ( ODIs),Ganguly,Kumble , Dravid , VVS. But for every slope there is a hike.

    Lets all hope the Aussies can comeback to atleast a shadow of what they were.

  • Android on June 18, 2013, 10:41 GMT

    Good read. Yes,the mighty has fallen.From being invincibles to dangerous to formidable to just another team to. another average team, their odi has been conspicuously falling.Teams dont write off Australia as it's unwise to take any team lightly in modern odi .Also no one who has seen them in d past decade wud take Aussies lightly (in d mind).But no expert is going to predict this team which is in transition phase now wud start to rise again soon.Had this been in India the media wud summon d bcci to bring bacj all d old stalwarts or atleast M.Hussey wud hv got a million requests from media and d fans. :-).

  • Khub on June 18, 2013, 10:34 GMT

    Sad bt true Australia bcoms.. once upon a tym their was an australia in cricket. Hope so dey can come back