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The CV
Chris Gayle

Just chillin'

He's too cool for cricket, but plays anyway because it'd be such a bore looking for something else to do



© A Bellyful of Dreams Entertainment

In a nutshell
The embodiment of "passive-aggressive". So laidback, he's comatose. Occasionally stoops to running between wickets - when he's had enough of finding the fence. Has been known to hit sixes while retreating out of the path of bouncers. Congenitally unable look unhip - even when wearing a tinselly black-and-gold vaudeville-trouper uniform.

Key legacies
No one has done more for the cause of sunglasses in cricket. Also, was unflappable before being unflappable was a virtue. (See: MS Dhoni.)

Motto
He who laughs last laughs best.

Latest instance when said motto was proved sound
At the Stanford 20/20 for 20 last year, where after England had stopped just short of telling the tabloids what they would do with the prize money, Gayle and Co. walked away with the cash.

What did Gayle plan to do with the money?
"Spend it, maan." Though after he actually won, he said the first thing he would do was find his brother a doctor who could fix his heart ailment. The big softie.

Motto II
Don't sweat the small stuff. (And it's all small stuff.)

Motto III
It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that bling.

Strange-but-true fact
His middle name is "Henry". Memo to opposing teams: use while sledging.

Most believable urban legend concerning him
Can sleep standing up and drifts off during games, team meetings and suchlike, sheltered by his impenetrable sunglasses.

Second-most believable urban legend concerning him
Tiffany and Co is kept afloat in these recessionary times by Gayle single-handed. Respect.

What the future holds
A career in hip-hop. Apart from those metal brace things on the teeth, he's got it all.

Things that aren't in his contract
Sweating, showing agitation or concern, getting into ungainly postures while fielding, and other uncool stuff like that, y'hear?

The most animated he's ever got
At the 2006 Champions Trophy, when he indulged in a peculiar form of sledging-cum-dancing, following Michael Clarke around the pitch, nearly climbing onto his shoulders while muttering the lyrics to a popular reggae hit of the day.

Most uncharacteristic admission I
"I've been really, really stressed out" he said after winning the Stanford 20-million dollar game. Well, blow us down and knock us over.

Most uncharacteristic admission II
He is into r n' b, as opposed to Coldplay. Matthew Mott, assistant coach of the Kolkata Knight Riders made this horrifying revelation recently. Millions fainted on the spot.

Headline featuring his name you'd have thought would be banned by now
"Gayle force".

What he did in the IPL last year
Sat on the sidelines for a few games, looking bored.

What he did in the IPL this year
Hit it into the stands looking bored, wearing a devastating Sheikh-of-Araby black bandanna.

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