Bling when you're winning
Ten must-have accessories for an age when players need to wear shades because their jewellery is so shiny
The shoulder-length bandana
…Is visible to the world when Chris "Cool Cat" Gayle bats. He is out to plunder runs and the bandana aptly gives him a pirate look. It is superfluous, though, just like Gayle's footwork: his ample dreadlocks keep the sweat out of his eyes anyway.
Since Ramesh Powar has let us all down by not wearing his delightfully red ones, his Kings XI Punjab team-mate Piyush Chawla has stepped in. Exclusive to Sony Max's viewers, the cunning Chawla is seen wearing them only in the headshot that appears on screen when he comes to bat. Cover 67% of the face area, reflect all evil eyes right back, luridly coloured - they have everything going for them. However, during a recent day game, Powar forced this one into a tie, by wearing the Hideous Big Blue ones.
Among the many contenders for this one, Dimi Mascarenhas wins hands down. Just because his are shiny and adorn both ears. Also-rans: Dwayne Smith, Kevin Pietersen, Fidel Edwards, Dwayne Bravo, Ramesh Powar and Virat Kohli, but their rings don't bling like Dimi's do.
It doesn't get any more stylish than Gayle wiping a wet ball with a golden rag. No doubt the shiny hankie will be a top merchandise item in years to come. When Dada retires, nay if Dada retires, the whole of Kolkata will pour into Eden Gardens, waving their golden rags. Killjoy observation: a camera close-up showed the kerchieves are not silk, unlike KKR's jerseys, which have to be silk at the very least.
Enough of these cool West Indians. Step in, VRV Singh. Of the lumbering, short-stepped run. And heaving gold necklaces (yes, in the plural) that burst out of his shirt at the moment of delivery, or when he bends. As we speak, John Buchanan's laptop is running an algorithm to see if VRV's jewellery can be classed as a Weapon of Mass Distraction.
The shrewdest of ploys this season. They call it zinc cream, and it's all over Pragyan Ojha's face, from ear to ear, from forehead to neck. Poor batsmen. What is a man to do, we ask, when the bowler looks like a ghost from a B-grade horror film, especially when the likelihood of losing the white ball in the white background is immense? Orange balls, please.
The cowboy hat
Popularised by Bangalore's Shavir Tarapore, and now used by many umpires. Did somebody say players work like horses nowadays?
Don't know what's up with Ishant Sharma's shirt. In a recent game the area between his name and the sponsor logo on the back was decorated with the most spectacular bandages, hiding the number. The least KKR's marketing team could have done is got a sponsorship from Band Aid or Handiplast or some such.
And the wrist bands. Spare a thought, readers, for the amount of effort Ashok Dinda has to undergo to wear them, considering he puts them on every time he comes on to bowl and takes them off when he fields - misfields, rather - at long-on. If only he had a mullet to go with it. What price menacing look?
Used by the cheerleaders to keep away the drooling, ageing former players, now commentators, away from them. Though Danny Morrison did manage to interview one of them with the unfortunate girl - you better believe it - sitting in his lap.
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