I got a text from Rahul [Dravid] saying 'Congratulations, and in my time it was called vice-captain.'

Apr 6, 2010 Tweet | Share

I was lucky to make 100 days of Test cricket, let alone 100 Tests.

Mar 26, 2010 Tweet | Share

The last time I played [against Australia], Merv Hughes spat on me.

Mar 8, 2010 Tweet | Share

I'm retiring

Mar 3, 2010 Tweet | Share

My friend Steve McKenzie used to set his pin number to Bert Sutcliffe's Test aggregate, and I used to make the occasional withdrawal from his account.

Mar 1, 2010 Tweet | Share

Ryder may have the longest lower abdominal strain in history - someone with a heart transplant would have been back quicker.

Jan 16, 2010 Tweet | Share

If I'm rubbish, I expect to be axed

Jan 5, 2010 Tweet | Share

I would take an oath and swear on my children's lives that I saw Ravi Bopara using his nails on the ball to help it swing.

Dec 22, 2009 Tweet | Share

Yes, because both sides have such bad batsmen. That's my honest opinion, they're useless.

Dec 11, 2009 Tweet | Share

Dysfunctional sides at times make the best sides

Dec 10, 2009 Tweet | Share

We're a bit of a Jekyll and Hyde team. When we play well we're really good but when we play poorly, like we did today, you want to forget such performances.

Sep 8, 2009 Tweet | Share

The first I knew of it was when I got home [to the team hotel]. My parents had watched the match and the old man had emailed to say congratulations on the hat-trick.

Sep 3, 2009 Tweet | Share

I can be 30,000 miles up in the air and still see a car driving on the road, and can't see a golf hole.

Aug 20, 2009 Tweet | Share

We are all looking forward to Trent Bridge on Thursday/ Cos if we have a win there it'll increase our pay

Jun 17, 2009 Tweet | Share

There's no additives when you see me, no preservatives. It's freshly squeezed. What you see is what you get.

May 24, 2009 Tweet | Share

Just like Michael Jackson, are you prepared to look in the mirror and make that change? I am asking you to make that change, are you willing to, I challenge you?

May 24, 2009 Tweet | Share

I think Chris Martin from Coldplay has scored many more.

Apr 4, 2009 Tweet | Share

I mean that is the greatest tiredness in the world.

Mar 29, 2009 Tweet | Share

To look at him you wouldn't think he could do half the things that he does. But he can.

Mar 28, 2009 Tweet | Share

What are you doing here, mate?

Mar 26, 2009 Tweet | Share

I was sweating bullets there for a minute.

Mar 18, 2009 Tweet | Share

It's a truly absurd thing [for the BCCI] to flex their muscles in the commentary box for fear that Ravi Shastri [IPL] and Craig McMillan [ICL] might accidentally exchange bodily fluids that could eventually infect all the right-thinking people of the cricketing world.

Mar 16, 2009 Tweet | Share

We probably needed about 500 tonight the way they played. That would have been a good game.

Mar 12, 2009 Tweet | Share

As far as Mr Prime Minister is concerned, me and Daniel will talk to our respective teams and tell them not to take the game till the last over or the last few overs so that we can take a bit of tension away from you."

Mar 5, 2009 Tweet | Share

These tight late games are playing havoc with the schedule in our house because every time I return from a function late in the night, my son is watching cricket. So these tight finishes have made for some sleepless nights in our household.

Mar 5, 2009 Tweet | Share

Spaniels don't tell rottweilers their business.

Feb 28, 2009 Tweet | Share

Skinny white men with glasses shouldn't do hakas."

Feb 26, 2009 Tweet | Share

The big thing about John is that he has immense respect for the Indian team. Most of the information he gives is praise. So you can't use most of it.

Feb 26, 2009 Tweet | Share

I was sweating bullets waiting to see what was going to happen. I was pretty nervous.

Feb 8, 2009 Tweet | Share

A year ago I was bowling to Adam Gilchrist and Matthew Hayden; now we're bowling to David Warner and Shaun Marsh. A big difference.

Feb 6, 2009 Tweet | Share

I went back to cut it but didn't hear the death rattle. It seemed a wee bit strange. Maybe if I'd been round a while, maybe I'd have made more of a fuss.

Feb 6, 2009 Tweet | Share

I don't think you're a cheat ... mate, let's get on with it.

Feb 5, 2009 Tweet | Share

I think you saw from Brad Haddin's reaction that he knew something was wrong so he probably should have made more noise about it.

Feb 2, 2009 Tweet | Share

We had a couple of quiet beers and Tim Southee kept calling me 40. He's the first person ever to make me feel old.

Jan 29, 2009 Tweet | Share

If the Kolkata Knight Riders did indeed have a talking car like the Knight Rider TV series, starring that wonderful actor David Hasselhoff (one of the few people to have been upstaged by a lip-synching car), it might be moved to say, 'Gee, Michael/Brendon, I thought that if your team doesn't qualify, that's your lot.'

Jan 25, 2009 Tweet | Share

That's not Australian to me. Is that what New South Wales cricket is having to do? I am trying to understand the modern world.

Jan 22, 2009 Tweet | Share

Sometimes you want to call up the paper or the radio and say: 'Look, I'm working my arse off here. I'm just unlucky. That's the way it goes'.

Jan 20, 2009 Tweet | Share

The game's called Twenty20, it's not called one1.

Dec 27, 2008 Tweet | Share

I have a lot of gamblers in my room, I had to sort of fight them back a little bit.

Dec 25, 2008 Tweet | Share

Our friendship's blossomed ... can I say that?

Dec 21, 2008 Tweet | Share