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We're continuing our investigations, and when we find who did it we are stringing them up by his ding-dang-doos and we're chopping them off.

Well done Matthew Hoggard for treating meaningless drivel with the approach it deserves. He was reacting to the "leaked" battle plan for the England bowlers

Dec 29, 2006 Tweet | Share

We never imagined this fat, podgy kid ... would end up as one of the world's best bowlers.

Bill Lawry on Victoria's favourite son, Shane Warne

Dec 27, 2006 Tweet | Share

When me and Lamby were playing we weren't to be seen done up like a couple of pox-doctors' clerks prancing about. No way!

Ian Botham lashes out at cricketers taking part in dance competitions, after Darren Gough and Mark Ramprakash were crowned successive champions on Strictly Come Dancing

Dec 26, 2006 Tweet | Share

For a few mad seconds I thought, mates or not, I'm never going to speak to that dickhead again.

Kevin Pietersen on his on-field exchange with Shane Warne

Dec 25, 2006 Tweet | Share

Like our England have Fart of the Day, South Australia have Muff of the Day.

An unusual innovation in women's cricket, as revealed by England's Jenny Gunn

Dec 24, 2006 Tweet | Share

I know the sport is huge here. I follow it myself."

Tennis world No. 1 Roger Federer after playing cricket at a shelter camp for tsunami refugees in Sri Lanka. Federer's mother is South African

Dec 24, 2006 Tweet | Share

I am starting to breathe again after the swell of the last two hours. I'll have a few drinks and a few smokes afterwards, and take it from there."

Shane Warne during his retirement announcement

Dec 23, 2006 Tweet | Share

When I told my children I was retiring, they got a bit disappointed because they didn't think I was going to play backyard cricket with them. They said, 'Can you still play with us?' I said 'I can'.

Shane Warne hasn't given up all forms of cricket, at least

Dec 22, 2006 Tweet | Share

He's not that good. He tends to just start with a four-letter word and then says a load of nonsense.

Mark Taylor on whether Warne is one of the best sledgers ever

Dec 21, 2006 Tweet | Share

We hope the white ball is clearer to see.

Stephen Fleming hopes for better fortunes in the one-dayers for his side, especially against Lasith Malinga, whose round-arm action with the red ball continues to baffle them

Dec 20, 2006 Tweet | Share

From our point of view the people criticising now are the ones who run with the foxes and hunt with the hounds. All we can do is run with the fox.

Duncan Fletcher tries to explain the problems of selection after England's Ashes series loss

Dec 19, 2006 Tweet | Share

Mate, unbelievable. Australia, you bloody beauty! Sensational!

Matthew Hayden tries to put into words what regaining the Ashes means - with limited success

Dec 18, 2006 Tweet | Share

He carried on like a small child whose mother would have smacked him.

Geoff Boycott on Shane Warne's histrionics after an appeal against Kevin Pietersen was (rightly) turned down

Dec 17, 2006 Tweet | Share

They didn't even read it. They are all biased. There is no misappropriation. It is only their misinterpretation.

An angry Jagmohan Dalmiya after he was expelled from the BCCI. A 46-page report he submitted in his defence was not even read before the decision was taken

Dec 16, 2006 Tweet | Share

Jones was pathetic. His mental attitude to Test-match cricket at the moment is shocking. He's just getting out in some ridiculous ways.

Geoff Boycott, no big fan of Geraint Jones, says what many others in England have been thinking in recent days

Dec 15, 2006 Tweet | Share

Get me out of here as soon as you can.

A sotto voce Andrew Flintoff is caught on tape talking to the ECB Media officer Andrew Walpole, ahead of the captain's pre-match press conference at the WACA

Dec 13, 2006 Tweet | Share

I am not Shane Warne or Muttiah Muralitharan, but what I can promise is that I will try my very best for England.

Monty Panesar looks to play down media expectations ahead of the Perth Test

Dec 11, 2006 Tweet | Share

My best assessment would be, 'What a joke!' I signed up for 'priority' ticketing and have nothing. The whole Australian Cricket Family exercise has been useless.

Fan Grant Hutchinson highlights problems with Cricket Australia's sale of tickets for the Ashes

Nov 2, 2006 Tweet | Share

You can't bring it back ... it's gone. I'll just spend the next 20 years worrying about it.

Ashley Giles won't be forgetting his spilled chance off Ricky Ponting in a hurry

Nov 1, 2006 Tweet | Share

Shane Warne sounds like he is constipated.

Dean du Plessis, a blind commentator in Zimbabwe, explains how he knows when Warne is bowling

Oct 31, 2006 Tweet | Share

I got my teeth cleaned because as you know I have a beautiful smile and I have to look after my teeth.

Chris Gayle states the beaming obvious

Oct 30, 2006 Tweet | Share

I was wearing a very boring suit and looked every inch the bean-counter I am. It is not as if I was unshaven and looked dangerous.

The no-fun police confiscate a cricket ball from Tube passenger Chris Hurd, a 28-year-old City accountant

Oct 29, 2006 Tweet | Share

I just close my eyes and wang it down.

The secrets of Matthew Hoggard's success

Oct 28, 2006 Tweet | Share

He is very polite, extremely enthusiastic and tells me that he is a particular fan of mine since he lives in my part of the world. He comes from Kent. He thinks I'm Geraint. Must make a bigger impression.

Ashes winner Ian Bell is still struggling for recognition... among English fans

Oct 27, 2006 Tweet | Share

If this bloke's a Test match bowler than my backside is a fire engine.

David Lloyd confesses what he said the first time he saw Nathan Astle bowl

Oct 26, 2006 Tweet | Share

It's back to old-style cricket ... turgid cricket.

Nasser Hussain, clearly not one of the 'things were better in my day' brigade

Oct 23, 2006 Tweet | Share

Fred could take three of the Aussies down, Steve Harmison would get stuck into two, I could take one ... but they've got some big guys in their squad.

Andrew Strauss rates England's chances in a fist fight with the old enemy

Oct 22, 2006 Tweet | Share

We were a marriage made in heaven. He used to like to bowl all day in the nets, and I used to like to bat all day.

Australia's Mike Hussey on his battles in the Northants nets with Monty Panesar

Oct 21, 2006 Tweet | Share

We're a nation of sports nuts and piss-takers and all I've done is combine the two.

Billy Birmingham, creator of the 12th Man, on the amazing success of his recordings. His seventh CD is due out on December 1

Oct 20, 2006 Tweet | Share

I'm a professional musician who plays the trumpet for a living, not some drunk trying to play the 'Last Post' on a didgeridoo.

Barmy Army trumpeter Bill Cooper after being evicted from the Gabba. Brisbane police also threatened to arrest him for possession of a trumpet

Oct 19, 2006 Tweet | Share

If he's not talking about the flipper it's the zooter, the slider, or the wrong 'un. He'll shortly start working on a ball that loops the loop, disappears down his trouser leg, and whistles 'Waltzing Matilda' before rattling into the stumps.

The Daily Telegraph's Martin Johnson on Warne's variation-a-day stunts

Oct 17, 2006 Tweet | Share

You tried to start the wave and that's not allowed. We don't muck around up here.

A police officer gets heavy-handed when dealing with two Australia fans, Luke Cassidy and Paul Resnikoff, who committed the despicable crime of trying to start a Mexican wave at the Gabba

Oct 17, 2006 Tweet | Share

I remember when someone asked me for my autograph and when I went over they slapped a minced beef and onion pie on my head.

Phil Tufnell with some affectionate memories of playing cricket in Australia

Oct 16, 2006 Tweet | Share

I don't care if Tony Blair or Robbie Williams bowl me the first ball of the Ashes series - all my team-mates and I care about is winning back the Ashes

Justin Langer is raring to go

Oct 15, 2006 Tweet | Share

I don't think there's too much racist about that."

James Sutherland, Cricket Australia's chief executive, when asked if a spectator allegedly calling Monty Panesar a "stupid Indian" was unacceptable

Oct 11, 2006 Tweet | Share

Mercy ... it is getting just too boring.

A headline in the Hindustan Times suggests that their cricket correspondent had had enough after four days of the Duleep Trophy final

Oct 10, 2006 Tweet | Share

International cricket brings in millions of pounds and there is no way the game's administrators will stop their money-grabbing ways. It means players are being worked into the ground and the burden of playing non-stop cricket is taking its toll.

Blunt talking from Geoff Boycott ... and with more than a hundred Test appearances to his name, he speaks from experience

Oct 9, 2006 Tweet | Share

We've got Stuart MacGill sitting in the dressing room, so if all else fails we just bring him and Warnie out and I'm sure the Pommies ... they'll all be going home with depression.

Tact and sympathy from Jeff Thomson

Oct 8, 2006 Tweet | Share

I can't cope, I want to go home.

Marcus Trescothick in his hotel room in Sydney

Oct 7, 2006 Tweet | Share

A nation that recently dismissed an accredited international tournament as an irrelevance dared to treat a state team with a proud tradition as a mere plaything.

An unhappy Peter Roebuck reflects on England's approach to the tour match against New South Wales

Oct 6, 2006 Tweet | Share

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Practice pitch
© Satish Acharya

The other way
© Satish Acharya

The peace prize
© Satish Acharya

Srini's dilemma
© Satish Acharya

Probable chucker
© Satish Acharya

    What is Rohit Sharma's role?

Should India have practised slip catching in the nets? Who will play at the G?

    'I'd like to have faced the West Indies quicks'

Northamptonshire's David Willey picks his ideal partner for a jungle expedition, and talks about his famous dad

    Benn shows up in body and spirit

Tony Cozier: The spinner has brought in a sense of discipline into his bowling and behaviour on the field since his Test comeback

    The return of Bob Simpson

Rewind: When the 41-year-old former captain came out of retirement to lead Australia against India

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What ails Rohit and Watson?

Both batsmen seemingly have buckets of talent at their disposal and the backing of their captains, but soft dismissals relentlessly follow both around the Test arena

The perfect Test

After the tragedy of Phillip Hughes' death, this match showed that cricket and life will continue to go on. This time Test cricket dug in and got through to tea.

Hazlewood completes quartet of promise

Josh Hazlewood has been on Australian cricket's radar since he was a teenager. The player that made a Test debut at the Gabba was a much-improved version of the tearaway from 2010

Australia in good hands under proactive Smith

The new stand-in captain has the makings of a long-term leader, given his ability to stay ahead of the game

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What They Said About

Phillip Hughes: Gone too soon