A less than reverent accolade
The comments appended to each award are those made by the judging panel.
Disappointment of the Year
South Africa, for ruining New Zealand's world record run chase by more than 100 runs.
Jerry Collins Trophy
Awarded for the most meritorious tackle by a security guard or policeman at one-day international: Security Guard v Woman Streaker at the Twenty20. Unconsciousness almost Dean Lonergan-style shaking. And she was quite nice looking.
Merv Hughes Memorial Trophy
Awarded for the most meritorious effort by a piece of cricket clothing in international cricket: Although Chris Cairns' beige shirt was hanging on for dear life in the Twenty20, Lou Vincent's self-downtrou was a winner. The risk factor was brilliant - it was almost an on-field streak. Extra points for partial nudity as well.
Awarded to the crowd with the most arrests at international cricket: Eden Park, Twenty20. The high calibre of security guards in place after the Australian series debauchery in the terraces was no match for this crowd. There were streakers galore, none of whom even came out of the terraces. The ones from the out of the family area were magnificent.
The Adolf Medal
Awarded to the ground with the stupidest rule: A hotly contested prize with loads of contenders but the "No sitting in the front three rows" rules at Eden Park, Wellington Stadium and Jade Stadium was the dumbest of the lot. Even our nanas could throw an apple, a bottle or a small child that far if they really wanted to hit a player. Other nominations included Eden Park where spectators were only allowed to buy two beers at a time at the terraces, even if there was no queue; McLean Park, scene of the infamous "No girls kissing" farago; Wellington Stadium where spectators were told not to "yell too loud"; and the runner-up was Eden Park where, it is claimed, men weren't allowed to buy wine.
The Beige Brigade Player of the Year
A pre-eminent award, presented to the player whose performances in New Zealand Cricket have best honoured the "yesterday's men" of cricket: Disappointing that it goes to an Aussie, but Victorian Mick Lewis should be Adidas' new poster boy ('Impossible is Nothing') for his extraordinary effort to destroy Martin Snedden's worst bowling figures in an ODI record. Lewis bowled a full two overs less than Sneds and we assume he is now 'retired' from all international cricket. Other nominees included Andre Adams for his consistent use of the headband even in domestic cricket and Jeetan Patel, for his sneaky little moustache he grew for the Twenty20 match.
"In A Terrible State" Plate
Awarded to the oddest looking person in New Zealand cricket: F Payne. Good bloke, great statistician. Look for him on Sky TV (perhaps even with his own show?)