"When Bhuvneshwar makes the ball talk, it talks in Hindi, which the Australians don't understand."

Sunil Gavaskar's expert analysis on the Indian bowler's success

"The pitch looks, as always, pretty ugly. You wouldn't want to have dinner with someone who looks like that."

Experienced beauty contest judge Ravi Shastri lays into the Chennai track

"Twenty-five thousand runs! Are we talking runs?"

Kapil Dev gets rather apoplectic with Sachin Tendulkar on the verge of yet another landmark - this time, first-class runs

"When in doubt, use brute force"

Navjot Sidhu adds pithily to the MCC manual while commentating on the 2013 Irani Cup

"It's missed bah Misbah"

Keen rhyme connoisseur Ramiz Raja pounces on a dropped catch

"Lot of bananas to keep them calm and composed."

World-famous nutritionist Ramiz Raja makes an observation on seeing the support staff ferry snacks out to the Pakistanis in the field

"The pitch looks like a tame beauty - heartless for the bowlers, a darling for the batsmen."

Ramiz Raja reads from his poetic Masters thesis in Dichotomy

"Angelo Mathews has got a rocket-like arm"

Ramiz Raja watches in horror as a Sri Lankan fielder's limb flies out of its socket and across the field

"We promise to serve you first-class one-day cuisine, because these two teams have been well fed on a one-day diet"

Welcome to the restaurant of cricket. Your maitre'd today is Ramiz Raja

"For his effort he got 'Bravo!' on the big screen. When Bravo does it next time, he'll get 'Smitho!'"

Sunil Gavaskar is overwrought after seeing Steven Smith's flying save at the boundary at Eden Gardens

"What a warm response from the crowd. They're sitting in the sun here with no shade whatsoever."

Ramiz Raja heats up the IPL commentary with his witticisms

"He didn't take his eyes off it even for a nano-second."

The IPL forces players to raise their game, and Sunil Gavaskar's vocabulary is up to the task

"It's Batman Robin, here tonight."

Danny Morrison gives you two superheroes for the price of one while describing Robin Uthappa

"It's not funny when you're hit on the hot spot."

The charming and erudite Ravi Shastri finds a way of explaining to the entire family that getting a ball in the crotch is - contrary to what we all thought - not amusing

"Lyon was allowed to bowl like a lion."

The opportunity to pun with references to wildlife? Ravi Shastri won't disappoint

"The Cool & Cool Cup is looking pretty cool."

Multitasking amateur poet Ramiz Raja fulfils his commercial obligations

"You can only be out caught if you hit the ball in the air."

Don't have the cricket laws at hand? Jeff Dujon will help you out

"No matter at what speed the ball crosses the boundary, you get only four runs."

Sunil Gavaskar lays down the law

"There are two young men at the crease, one younger than the other."

Let no one say Ian Bishop is stingy with details

"He is calm as a cucumber."

Ace horticulturist Ramiz Raja puts his finger on the secret of Misbah-ul-Haq's success