The big three

Also known as Rahul Dravid, VVS Laxman and Sachin Tendulkar

Previously known as Fab Four

Soon to be known as The One

Flashes and flashes hard

Erm No, it's not about cricketers wearing trenchoats and little else, standing in dark alleys

What is it then? Shahid Afridi flailing outside off stump

Closely related to It doesn't matter how they come

So it's slashes and slashes hard without the gore? Yep

Last nail in the coffin

What it means The gritty wicketkeeper is out after a doughty fight in the company of the wagging tail

Is that when the fat lady does her thing? She unwraps a throat lozenge as soon as the hammer is laid down

Demons in the pitch

Often used in conjunction with Kanpur dustbowl, Newlands green mamba

Fear factor of demons Increases proportionately as you go down the order

What if Freddy bowled to Jason on such a pitch? Both may be accused of ball-tampering

Glad to see the back of him

Mustn't be a looker then? Or maybe a high-scoring batsman who's just been dismissed

Like Pup Clarke whose back the Indians must have loved looking at Indeed

Whose back has been the most popular in cricket history - Tendulkar or Bradman? Ooh that's a toughie

It's all happening at the Premadasa

What is? Runs being scored, wickets falling

Cricket in other words? Yes

Caution Use only if you're Tony Greig and have just witnessed a boundary that you thought was a wicket

Control the controllables

Where is this on the scale of smart advice? Somewhere between "Catches win matches" and "Six to win? Let's bowl under-arm"

What are the uncontrollables? The weather, DRS, Virender Sehwag

Cricket is a great leveller

There's a great joke here. Why is Virender Sehwag the Sly Stallone of cricket? Because he's the Demolition Man

Oh, you've heard that before? No, but we need to spend some time apart

Tracer bullet

Finally! I thought we'd never get around to it. I've missed Ravs Do you not read this column?

Can't have enough of him. So when does he use it? When a ball flies to the boundary

It traces the boundary rope? You're so literal

Well, isn't missile-guidance system a better analogy? Accuracy isn't his forte, dear

The line belongs to the umpire

What line would that be? The bowling crease

You don't say You better believe it. He folds it up neatly and takes it home every night to be fed and watered

Lives to face another

Another what? Delivery

Not a spear at the jugular then? Coulda fooled you, eh?

It's gone miles

What it means It's gone metres

What needs to go miles The severed head of the next commentator who yells that it's gone miles

Nothing to do with jazz trumpeters, then No

The best seat in the house

For a cricketer: The non-striker's end

For an English fan: The Lord's pavilion

For an Australian fan: The Sydney hill

For a New Zealand fan: Anywhere on an NZ ground

For an Indian fan: The couch in front of the TV

Part and parcel of the game

What it means It - whatever it is - is part of the game

What's "it"? Could be anything. Having to listen to Mr Shastri, for instance

So what's the parcel? Must be to do with making a packet in the IPL

Up goes the finger

What it means He's given 'im

Is it a rude gesture? Depends which side of the decision you're on

Best used in conjunction with Binga, Malinga, Bollinga

Cricket isn't rocket science

You mean the NASA doesn't play it? No, I mean it's not that hard to figure out

Are we talking about the pre- or post-DRS era? Good question

I've got a good joke too. What other science has recently gone missing from cricket? Conscience

A rich vein of form

Call the doctor! 'Ee's got a 'eart attack No, he's just batting well

Call the doctor! 'Ee's got the runs Very droll

Jaffa

What it means A ball that beats the batsman 17 ways

So it's a ball that's like an orange? Or a peach, even

Any relation to Wasim Jaffer? No

Going Irish

What it means The ball is reverse-swinging

Does not mean Ireland have recruited the bowler in question

Also does not mean A leprechaun is bowling

May also mean The commentator has reached for another Guinness

Submitted by: Timmuh, Australia

That was unnecessary

What it means The player did something rash and stupid

And the viewers are too stupid to know that it was unnecessary without being told that? If you're Ravi Shastri, it's a necessity that you state the bleeding obvious