All over them like a rash

For maximum impact use in connection with Shoaib Akhtar hitting sixes with abandon

Eh? Have you forgotten the great genital warts outbreak of 2009?

Big-match player

What does he do in little matches? Fails

So he thrives on pressure? Or is put off by Shahadat Hossain's Sharapova-like grunts

Good cricket all round

All round what? It means everyone performed well

So it's going to be a draw? Possibly

What if it's bad cricket all round? Still a draw

You can't win! Seems like it

Easy as that

What does it mean? Whatever it is, is easy

So what's the "as that" for? Extra emphasis

Like "first ever" Yes

Redundancy is fun! And easy

All four results possible

What it means Can't be certain if it's going to be a win, loss, draw or tie

Aren't win and loss counted as one result? Shut up and sit at the edge of your seat!

What it really means Hooray, the match isn't fixed!

Can be used in conjunction with The glorious uncertainty of cricket

Execute skills

I know exactly what you're talking about What?

Those Indians Why?

They executed all their skills in England and Australia They did?

Yup, exterminated them like you would a rodent Rats! I did not see that coming

You beauty

Models on the catwalk during the innings break? Nope.

Virat Kohli taking the metrosexual look too far? Not that either.

What then? The bowler has produced an incredible delivery that brings images from Tyra Banks' Next American Top Model to the commentator's mind.

Submitted by: Ganesh, Malaysia

Rank long hop

Who ranks them? No, rank as in smelly

Who smells them? Someone in the crowd, after the batsman has hit them for six?

Dig deep

Vandals! I'll call security Whoa, I'm just a batsman looking to spend some time at the crease

No digging? Only into the reserves of my talent

Batting paradise

That happy place where Ranji and Vic and Archie and Don are hanging out these days Yes, and a pitch that heavily favours batting

So even Chris Martin would get runs there? No god is that benevolent

Another one bites the dust

Whoa, do not refer to Rahul Dravid's retirement like that Am not

A dig at the Indian fielding? Nope

Athers' muddy pocket? No

Afridi's intimate relations with cricket balls? No

Explain then The fall of a batsman

Channels

I think you're getting desperate No. "Our plan was to bowl in the channel outside off stump"

So it's the same as corridor or areas? Yeah, but it's got a physics-class feel to it

Who said cricket isn't rocket science? Think we've done that joke already

Okay. What channel do South Africans prefer? The English Channel

Steaming in

What it means A fast bowler, bowling at or around his maximum pace

What it does not mean How people got to the matches in the 19th century

What it definitely does not mean The uncomfortable humidity inside a batsman's box

Submitted by: Charlie, Australia

His love affair continues

I don't think you can call Warnie's dalliances "love affairs" I'm not. This is about players doing well at a particular venue

Like Laxman with Eden Gardens Or Bradman with Headingley

Or KP with his ego Or Afridi with retirements

A true wicket

So it doesn't just "lie" there like other pitches? Don't start with the puns

Okay so what is it? A wicket that doesn't have unpredictable bounce or turn. It does as it looks

Must be tough on the bowler Not really, it's not like it doesn't have bounce, turn or movement. Just not the unexpected variety

If you filmed Andy Roberts bowling on this wicket, what would you call it? True Blood

Takes the pitch out of the equation

Let me guess, we're not talking maths here Correct, this is a bowler who has just bowled the batsman with a yorker without any help from the pitch

So we're talking science? Us bowlers prefer the term "art" or "magic"

Occupy the crease

That's spread to cricket as well? The Wall Street version was probably inspired by cricket

Who's doing the occupying? Cook, Misbah, Samaraweera... but only Boycott sits in the Occupiers' Hall of Fame

And who's the 1%? TV broadcasters guaranteed all five days of cricket

The big three

Also known as Rahul Dravid, VVS Laxman and Sachin Tendulkar

Previously known as Fab Four

Soon to be known as The One

Flashes and flashes hard

Erm No, it's not about cricketers wearing trenchoats and little else, standing in dark alleys

What is it then? Shahid Afridi flailing outside off stump

Closely related to It doesn't matter how they come

So it's slashes and slashes hard without the gore? Yep

Last nail in the coffin

What it means The gritty wicketkeeper is out after a doughty fight in the company of the wagging tail

Is that when the fat lady does her thing? She unwraps a throat lozenge as soon as the hammer is laid down