Used when You've been losing

For best results combine with Playing for pride

Happy holidays eh? Nope, just wisely letting a ball pass outside off stump

What's so good about not scoring off a ball? Staying alive to score off others

Sounds philosophical Indeed. Cricket's pretty deep

But when are leaves hard to find? When Sehwag's batting?

No, when it's autumn You're as shallow as cricket is deep

You must mean those chunky monsters Tendulkar carries around? I've got a termite here that says "Yum!"

Is there a joke about meat and potatoes to be made here, featuring Inzy? Maybe, but make sure you're high enough in the stands before you do

As opposed to Edging it

Most often used To describe an in-form batsman

What it's not Bowling a half-volley

What it's also not Biting the ball in half

What it means Not close

What it's supposed to tell the viewer We're not too far from seeing a wicket here

What the viewer thinks "If time = distance/speed, how long will it take for this commentator to realise he's an ass?"

The spot on the pitch where you place Mars bars to entice Ranatunga to step out of his crease? No, and don't even mention Zak and the jellybeans

I am going to bring up the moisturised, pimple-free portion of Anderson's skin then You might as well burn copies of the MCC coaching manual

Aha, so it has something to do with batting? Yes, it's the centre of the bat face, and when the ball makes contact with it, it will usually race down to the boundary

Chris Gayle must be loving that spot Azz much azz Afridi must

One who leaves a mark on the cricket field? You're thinking of making a joke about fat players, aren't you?

Er... I could try one on Symonds' shoulder barge? I wonder what sort of impact these tired gags have on our readers

So don't take a run if a fielder spills it? Yup

And you can't run if he fields it properly either But of course

When do you run then? You don't. See: Chris Gayle

Nominated by: Atishay Agarwal, India

Who's there? Alastair

Alastair who? Alastair at you till you give your wicket away

Is that India's plan to dismiss Cook? It's a better plan that anything they have been trying

That's right, plenty of posers out there No one like Sobie

Or Immy Or Beefy

Used most often for Lower-order batsman scoring a half-century

Like R Ashwin? Nah, he's a genuine batsman

Ha ha. Here comes a joke about the runs Too predictable

How about Warnie's wild ways? Too done

Come on, at least one on KP's indiscreet tweets Yawn

You got anything better then? How can you avoid bowling a loosener?

How? By wearing tights

Who is? The bowler. At the batsman

What will happen if he doesn't plug away? He won't get wickets?

I'll give you another guess He'll get taken for runs?

No. His bowling will go down the drain I have a plug and I know just where to shove it

What happened to scoring them? Sometimes it isn't easy to score

What if I blitz the runs? Then you'll be Chris Gayle

Squeeze them through a sieve? Chanderpaul

Mark Twain would disagree He wouldn't be very popular with today's backroom staff in cricket

But Moneyball proved it, didn't it? American sports might be simple enough to be broken down into digestible chunks of figures. Cricket is more nuanced

I think Brad Pitt has a very digestible figure On screen. In person, it would be a lie