Take a bow, Mr Dayand Narvekar, for proving age-fudging is an equal-opportunity sport and taking it out of the clutches of the Pakistanis. Mr Narvekar, a former law minister, his wife, son, and a doctor have had a case filed against them for allegedly forging a birth certificate so the son could play on in the Under-15s for a year after he became ineligible to do so.
The ICC president congratulated Sachin Tendulkar on his 50th Test century and in the process made a notable detour into cloudcuckooland. "In ICC office, nowadays," burbled Mr Pawar, "whenever Sachin goes to play and even if he scored one run that is a global record because 14,000 was the highest run any cricketer has scored in his lifetime. So 50th century itself is a record." Then, gleefully casting the last vestiges of sense to the wind, he proclaimed: "Surely he deserves special congratulations but this situation is altogether different. You have to accept India has practically proved they are number one in cricket all over world."
Rajasthan are currently suspended from the IPL but have been allowed by the court to buy players in the auction next month after which they may or may not face permanent expulsion. So here's a slow-clap for every lucky bastard who prompts the lovely Shilpa Shetty to raise the paddle on his behalf.
And you thought the BCCI held the game to ransom? When compared to the damage done by rain, the Indian board is like a teen slasher movie competing with Hitchcock for more wet pants per theatre. Rain has forced Sri Lanka to consider postponing an entire series and made the Australians very religious. So yes to global warming and no to indoor stadiums.
Cricket Kenya has a thrilling new logo, which looks like an angry lion that's overdosed on hair gel. This will, we are informed, "reflect a new era for the sport in the country". Fans of the old logo, fret not, the new one "retains all the heritage and core elements of the previous logo". Plus, the new logo (yes, that's the fourth use of "logo" in this paragraph) is said to be "contagious" to boot.
We had to come back to him some time or the other. This time the Commissioner, in an interview broadcast on his YouTube channel, said without mistakes the IPL wouldn't have been the success it was. By mistakes, we assume, he means the number of times the cameras panned on him during the tournament. Yup, a mistake even Dubya Bush would have had the smarts to avoid.
The man has the cheek to ask the BCCI for rest before the South Africa series. And this after said BCCI, out of the goodness of its heart, agreed to send some players down there early to get used to the conditions.
Losing after putting up a fight still makes you a loser (even if a brave one). So obviously it's smarter not to fight at all. For more such words of wisdom, please contact Aftab Gul, former lawyer of Salman Butt, who withdrew from the spot-fixing case against his client, saying the ICC has already made up its mind that the Pakistani players are guilty.
In the age of GPS, Big Brother, CCTV cameras and iPhone apps (surely there's one to can locate any person in the world?), Haider managed to vanish for nearly a day. While Pakistan searched frantically for their keeper, the rest of the cricketing world wondered how the country manages to top the list of strangest happenings in the sport every single time.
No rock n'roll in To the Point, Herschelle Gibbs' new book, but the author has not omitted to tick the sex and drugs boxes, with sordid revelations of promiscuity and players who couldn't stay off the grass. Not since Sir Beef was allegedly breaking beds in the Caribbean have we been so titillated. Hershy 4 Prez
Move over Shane Warne, there's a new anti-Buchanan non-Englishman in town. This is what happened: Buchanan said KP could become a "major problem" if he doesn't get a century soon. KP stamped his feet and called Buchanan a "nobody" who hadn't done anything expect win the Ashes with an unbeatable team. It's just the pre-Ashes prep England need.
As senior players, they don't want to leave Pakistan in a lurch nor do they want to make the side too dependent on them. So they take turns to announce retirements and comebacks. They even take turns to get banned. That's commitment.
Congratulations England, for being prepared for any eventuality in the matter of Ashes scorelines, by the cunning expedient of having James Anderson discover a cracked rib - a result of a "bonding" excursion to Bavaria that sprang fully formed out of a John Buchanan dream. 0-5 result? Well, Jimmy wasn't 100%, was he?
It wants its players to be well-rounded, you know. So the board insisted the cricketers participate in the Champions League and then scurry down to India to play in the Test series - with four days between the two. Michael Hussey wasn't happy, and he said so after Australia lost the first Test. Ungrateful wretch.
Had enough of the BCCI's culture of voluntary and honorary roles? Give it up for the principled Sunny G, who's taken a stand and refused to serve on the IPL's governing council gratis, i.e refused to accept a minor pay cut that would have seen his annual fee reduced from Rs 1 crore to zilch.
It's with a heavy heart that we inform you that the Kerala kook is done talking. At least till the next time he feels the urge. "I don't do talking now, but do it with wickets." A brave move, and one that we commend, but it won't stop us taking bets on how long before his next hissy fit.
All hail this pair of mercenaries, who in rejecting the central contracts offered them seem to have decided the time has come to go freelance. Cue another barrage of articles about the death of cricket as we know it, and round squillion of the ever-enjoyable WICB v WIPA fisticuffs. Thanks guys.
He's the Judge Dredd we hoped the BCCI would get some day. Presiding over the complaint that there is a conflict of interest in the board secretary N Srinivasan owning an IPL team, Mishra nailed the ridiculousness of the situation with this quote: "I am hearing the matter relating to the controversy. But can I participate in the bidding of IPL teams tomorrow?"
Lock up your ex-players, Zimbabwe Cricket are on the prowl and they have their wallets drawn. Brian Lara is reportedly the latest on the shopping list of a board that used to be pariah No. 1 not so long ago. Allan Donald and Jason Gillespie are already in the bag as coaches and Lara could be the latest big-name acquisition to play for or coach a Zimbabwe domestic franchise. You go, ZC, you big spenders you.
Pakistan's high commissioner to England "met the cricketers for two hours, cross-questioned them, got to the bottom of it and concluded that they were innocent". Police, investigations, evidence, are so 1990s, no?