"I thought pressure was a Messerschmitt up the back side, but then I saw Page 2's desperation to be funny. Now that's a real exhibition of the damage pressure can do."

"I'd have woken much sooner, in terror, if they had only read Page 2 to me"

"Of course I named my delivery after Page 2. Because like it, the doosra is unreadable."

"When I said an army marches on its stomach, I didn't imply my soldiers needed to read Page 2 and throw up first."

"Let us be clear that Page 2's motto was not inspired by ours. While we believe in: 'All for one and one for all', Page 2 goes with: 'One fits all'"

"I told my men to play like cornered tigers in the 1992 World Cup. To Page 2, my advice is to stop playing like cornered ostriches."

"I know why Page 2 is so popular. Because gentlemen prefer blondes."

"It's amazing how Page 2 generates so much garbage without even having a kitchen to run."

"What did the P in my name stand for? Well not Page 2 fo sho. Fules."

"Fighting to get Page 2 wiped off the face of the earth was too big an ask, so I thought I'd do my bit for humanity by raising awareness about famines in Africa instead."

"Page 2 is like a box of chocolates. You never know how sick you'll feel unless you've tried it all."

"I don't think stealing lines from the famous and feeding it to poor readers makes Page 2 anything like me."

"They found porn in my hideout after they killed me? Well, at least it wasn't Page 2 cookies in my browser cache."

"Kryptonite merely incapacitates me. But Page 2 infuriates me."

"Page 2 is like a superhero's sidekick. It's got some clever lines but no one really cares if it's there or not."

"I think, therefore I am. Page 2 stinks, therefore it's a scam"

"The difference between me and Page 2 is, I used to be an endocrinologist before I started spouting garbage."

"I am in Page 2's corner. And I haven't been paid to say that."

"Infernal chicanery. I haven't seen the sort of clap trap that fills Page 2 since the days of that charlatan Grace."

"In the face of violence, turn the other cheek. In the face of Page 2, turn away and run."