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Why does the BCCI hate DRS?
No, it's not because there is something charming about human error
When Hawk-eye was first introduced, the BCCI thought:
"Life isn't meant to be fair, so this is unnatural"
"Lines, angles, curves, predictive path! So hard to grasp!"
"Ha! This is nothing"
HotSpot, according to the BCCI, is:
Rubbish, because what is infra-red technology compared to truth-inducing potions?
The surface area of a corner, where you land after a particularly poor performance
A synonym for the desires that you must renounce
The BCCI thinks Snicko is:
Not suited to its wavelength
Rubbish, because technology used in land mines is far superior
About getting a competitive edge, which diverts you from your life's purpose
Every time the ICC brings up the issue of mandatory DRS, the BCCI says:
"God, this place is as restrictive and unbending as school"
"Everything in life is impermanent"
"Let's wait. Something better will come around soon, no doubt"
When the BCCI says the DRS is not 100% accurate, what it really means is:
The only absolute in this universe is nirvana
Don't you want something that will wow you?
Achieving even 50% was so hard, 100% is impossible
The BCCI thinks technology is best used for:
Calculations that you can't do on your fingers
Getting patents and selling rights to the highest bidder
When it was told that the system could be improved by handing over control to the third umpire, the BCCI said:
"Those authority figures are not sympathetic. They never spare the rod when you fail"
"Control is an illusion"
"You might as well hand over the decision-making to a drunken goat"
If the ICC manages to push through a mandatory DRS, the BCCI will:
Probably lose millions in R&D costs
Probably need tutorials
Accept its fate
What sort of consensus would make the BCCI happy?
The sort that even kindergarten kids can understand
The sort that accepts that dualism is not possible
The sort that will make it very rich
More in Page 2
The Dubai sauna gives a suffocating welcome
The heat and the one-sided encounter were downers but this Pakistan was happy that at least his team won
A triumphant Lord's return
Pakistan thrilled one and all in their first Test at Lord's since 2010, giving their fans the experience of a lifetime
A match that transcended the ordinary
A fan hears "the sound that will live on in my memory for the rest of my life" during the India-Bangladesh game
An 800-km train journey to watch two special wins
A long journey, queues and ticketing troubles could not take away from the great show that Afghanistan and Scotland put on in Nagpur
PSL's final rumble among dhols and Africa djembes
The quality of cricket was high, the noise levels in the ground were high. The only downer was the struggle to get into the stadium
Anderson's absence could extend to December
Shaun Marsh proves fitness for SA Tests with half-century
Pollard slams WICB for questioning his commitment
Stokes' development against spin 'top class'
'I don't feel any pressure as captain' - Holder
Hey ho, let's go!
The Cricket Monthly October issue
Mehedi's teenage five-for, and Batty's time gap
Were the ten reviews in England's first innings in Chittagong a record?
How to be a vice-captain
The low-profile role needs you to be advisor, mentor, morale-booster, minder, and unambitious about the top job
Rilee Rossouw comes in from the cold
A thoughtless remark nearly derailed his career before it began. Now he has an Australian summer to look forward to
Will Cook break all of Tendulkar's Test records?
At 31, he holds all the major England batting records. The insurmountable peak now looks scaleable. By
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