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Tests of Character
Discover yourself by taking our quizzes
What will be the next stunt Jesse Ryder pulls?
He's broken windows, fought with fans, and had us believe that without him NZ cricket is doomed
When Jesse meets New Zealand administrators, he will:
Try to explain to them why it's so important to treat great talent carefully
Take a big sack and a cosh with him
Not dress like he just stepped out of a GAP shoot
Jesse has a huge fan base among children. He'll tell them:
"Have you guys heard of the Rat Pack?"
"Can you guys create a diversion while I do something really important?"
"Each of you is special. Just like me"
When Jesse plays against England, he will:
Probably do so under a new coach
Insist the PA system at grounds use his playlist
Reach out to Kevin Pietersen
Will we see him in a pub this year?
Yes, because being wasted is not only an alibi but also a defence
Yes, because the effort of dealing with so many troubled people will force anyone to hit the bottle
Yes, for some good old-fashioned karaoke
Will he get a contract this year?
Probably not, since the establishment never takes kindly to being shown up by do-gooders
That's as likely to happen as One Direction are to get Youtube dislikes
Yes, because this sort of work is usually done by hired guns
How will NZ fans in the stadium greet him?
Like people greeted Superman after he defeated Lex Luthor
By waving their lighters at him
The way prima donna popstars are greeted - with ridiculous amounts of adulation
How will Jesse celebrate scoring a hundred?
By brandishing a note that says "Yea Mike, talk nah"
By making an inspirational speech about acceptance and open-mindedness
By doing the moonwalk
How will his team-mates receive him in the dressing room?
With relief, knowing they can now get normal, manly hairstyles
With suspicion, paranoia and awe
With envious looks of those who know they are less talented
If Jesse gets a tattoo, it will have:
Cryptic clues to the exact location of the scourge of NZ cricket
"Ain't no shame in being misunderstood"
"'Baby' x 45 does not equal a song"
More in Page 2
A match that transcended the ordinary
A fan hears "the sound that will live on in my memory for the rest of my life" during the India-Bangladesh game
An 800-km train journey to watch two special wins
A long journey, queues and ticketing troubles could not take away from the great show that Afghanistan and Scotland put on in Nagpur
PSL's final rumble among dhols and Africa djembes
The quality of cricket was high, the noise levels in the ground were high. The only downer was the struggle to get into the stadium
Emoji masks, and alien dance moves
A packed house and a nail-biting finish, perfect for the T20 format, made it an exciting day at Newlands
'The craziest group of people I have ever seen'
Perfect weather, a historic hundred, and plenty of singing in the stands made it a day to savour
Chameera ruled out of England tour due to back injury
Henriques, fit-again Starc recalled for Sri Lanka tour
Mendis hails 'unique' Ansari after career-best haul
Simon Willis named SL high performance manager
Ansari five-for decimates Jersey in 58-run Oman win
The waste of cricket
TCM May issue
When sixes were rare
In decades past, when a batsman cleared the boundary in a Test match, it was quite the event
'Better bowl some Lindwalls'
bowled offspin and pace, and dismissed Peter May three times in three innings. But he only played one Test for Australia
'I brought middle-order stability to West Indies' limited-overs teams'
talks about batting long, batting with his son, and batting against Australia
The rise and rise of Anurag Thakur
His swift climb to the post of BCCI president has been fuelled by ambition, hard work and political clout. By
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