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Tests of Character
Discover yourself by taking our quizzes
What will be the next stunt Jesse Ryder pulls?
He's broken windows, fought with fans, and had us believe that without him NZ cricket is doomed
When Jesse meets New Zealand administrators, he will:
Try to explain to them why it's so important to treat great talent carefully
Take a big sack and a cosh with him
Not dress like he just stepped out of a GAP shoot
Jesse has a huge fan base among children. He'll tell them:
"Have you guys heard of the Rat Pack?"
"Can you guys create a diversion while I do something really important?"
"Each of you is special. Just like me"
When Jesse plays against England, he will:
Probably do so under a new coach
Insist the PA system at grounds use his playlist
Reach out to Kevin Pietersen
Will we see him in a pub this year?
Yes, because being wasted is not only an alibi but also a defence
Yes, because the effort of dealing with so many troubled people will force anyone to hit the bottle
Yes, for some good old-fashioned karaoke
Will he get a contract this year?
Probably not, since the establishment never takes kindly to being shown up by do-gooders
That's as likely to happen as One Direction are to get Youtube dislikes
Yes, because this sort of work is usually done by hired guns
How will NZ fans in the stadium greet him?
Like people greeted Superman after he defeated Lex Luthor
By waving their lighters at him
The way prima donna popstars are greeted - with ridiculous amounts of adulation
How will Jesse celebrate scoring a hundred?
By brandishing a note that says "Yea Mike, talk nah"
By making an inspirational speech about acceptance and open-mindedness
By doing the moonwalk
How will his team-mates receive him in the dressing room?
With relief, knowing they can now get normal, manly hairstyles
With suspicion, paranoia and awe
With envious looks of those who know they are less talented
If Jesse gets a tattoo, it will have:
Cryptic clues to the exact location of the scourge of NZ cricket
"Ain't no shame in being misunderstood"
"'Baby' x 45 does not equal a song"
More in Page 2
Eden Gardens turns on the magic again
A pitch with bounce, plenty of runs, a capacity crowd and a last-over finish all made it a day to remember
'Why did I bother buying day 5 tickets?'
No day five contest at Newlands after Kagiso Rabada took a ten-for to wrap up the series win for South Africa
The chants of Virat-Virat are here to stay
A see-saw day at the Wankhede, including a Kohli century and a boisterous crowd made it a memorable occasion
Smith and Guptill light up Sydney
Two memorable centuries, including the highest individual score at the ground, plenty of boundaries and a decent atmosphere at the SCG's first international of the home summer
The Dubai sauna gives a suffocating welcome
The heat and the one-sided encounter were downers but this Pakistan was happy that at least his team won
Clarke stars as English season opens in Abu Dhabi
Debutant Shadab's guile floors West Indies
Toughest session I've faced in Test cricket - Rahul
Change in tactics turned things around - Lyon
BCB president behind Mehedi Hasan's inclusion for ODIs
The making of a Kiwi
From a young, homesick 16-year-old, Jeet Raval has blossomed into a New Zealand cricketer with enviable credentials
The Cricket Monthly March issue
The hills are alive
The book that keeps on giving
Wisden India Almanack
, like its English counterpart, is evidence that print retains its charm in our digital age
Is winter coming to Yorkshire?
The proudest of English cricket's counties is looking at dark days ahead
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