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Tests of Character
Discover yourself by taking our quizzes
What will be the next stunt Jesse Ryder pulls?
He's broken windows, fought with fans, and had us believe that without him NZ cricket is doomed
When Jesse meets New Zealand administrators, he will:
Try to explain to them why it's so important to treat great talent carefully
Take a big sack and a cosh with him
Not dress like he just stepped out of a GAP shoot
Jesse has a huge fan base among children. He'll tell them:
"Have you guys heard of the Rat Pack?"
"Can you guys create a diversion while I do something really important?"
"Each of you is special. Just like me"
When Jesse plays against England, he will:
Probably do so under a new coach
Insist the PA system at grounds use his playlist
Reach out to Kevin Pietersen
Will we see him in a pub this year?
Yes, because being wasted is not only an alibi but also a defence
Yes, because the effort of dealing with so many troubled people will force anyone to hit the bottle
Yes, for some good old-fashioned karaoke
Will he get a contract this year?
Probably not, since the establishment never takes kindly to being shown up by do-gooders
That's as likely to happen as One Direction are to get Youtube dislikes
Yes, because this sort of work is usually done by hired guns
How will NZ fans in the stadium greet him?
Like people greeted Superman after he defeated Lex Luthor
By waving their lighters at him
The way prima donna popstars are greeted - with ridiculous amounts of adulation
How will Jesse celebrate scoring a hundred?
By brandishing a note that says "Yea Mike, talk nah"
By making an inspirational speech about acceptance and open-mindedness
By doing the moonwalk
How will his team-mates receive him in the dressing room?
With relief, knowing they can now get normal, manly hairstyles
With suspicion, paranoia and awe
With envious looks of those who know they are less talented
If Jesse gets a tattoo, it will have:
Cryptic clues to the exact location of the scourge of NZ cricket
"Ain't no shame in being misunderstood"
"'Baby' x 45 does not equal a song"
More in Page 2
The Dubai sauna gives a suffocating welcome
The heat and the one-sided encounter were downers but this Pakistan was happy that at least his team won
A triumphant Lord's return
Pakistan thrilled one and all in their first Test at Lord's since 2010, giving their fans the experience of a lifetime
A match that transcended the ordinary
A fan hears "the sound that will live on in my memory for the rest of my life" during the India-Bangladesh game
An 800-km train journey to watch two special wins
A long journey, queues and ticketing troubles could not take away from the great show that Afghanistan and Scotland put on in Nagpur
PSL's final rumble among dhols and Africa djembes
The quality of cricket was high, the noise levels in the ground were high. The only downer was the struggle to get into the stadium
India avoid Under-19 Asia Cup disaster, but not heartbreak
Rangpur beat Barisal to end four-game losing streak
Tendulkar suggests Ranji games can be played on two different pitches
Williamson impressed by Ferguson's 'messages' in the nets
Farrell, Healy steer NSW to 18th National Cricket League title
Six Pakistani collapses, one story
Poor shots, run-outs, making ordinary bowling look terrifying -
looks at the team's meltdowns this year
The pains of Pidge
The Cricket Monthly December issue
The greatest debut innings of all time
What do you expect a Swede to do in his first time playing beach cricket in Sri Lanka?
The Ashwin, Jadeja, Yadav stat you'll love
And six other delightful numbers by
The year of the wicketkeeper-batsman
Led by Jonny Bairstow and Quinton de Kock, wicketkeepers have averaged 40.79 in Tests in 2016, the highest in a calendar year since 1900
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