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Tests of Character
Discover yourself by taking our quizzes
What will be the next stunt Jesse Ryder pulls?
He's broken windows, fought with fans, and had us believe that without him NZ cricket is doomed
When Jesse meets New Zealand administrators, he will:
Try to explain to them why it's so important to treat great talent carefully
Take a big sack and a cosh with him
Not dress like he just stepped out of a GAP shoot
Jesse has a huge fan base among children. He'll tell them:
"Have you guys heard of the Rat Pack?"
"Can you guys create a diversion while I do something really important?"
"Each of you is special. Just like me"
When Jesse plays against England, he will:
Probably do so under a new coach
Insist the PA system at grounds use his playlist
Reach out to Kevin Pietersen
Will we see him in a pub this year?
Yes, because being wasted is not only an alibi but also a defence
Yes, because the effort of dealing with so many troubled people will force anyone to hit the bottle
Yes, for some good old-fashioned karaoke
Will he get a contract this year?
Probably not, since the establishment never takes kindly to being shown up by do-gooders
That's as likely to happen as One Direction are to get Youtube dislikes
Yes, because this sort of work is usually done by hired guns
How will NZ fans in the stadium greet him?
Like people greeted Superman after he defeated Lex Luthor
By waving their lighters at him
The way prima donna popstars are greeted - with ridiculous amounts of adulation
How will Jesse celebrate scoring a hundred?
By brandishing a note that says "Yea Mike, talk nah"
By making an inspirational speech about acceptance and open-mindedness
By doing the moonwalk
How will his team-mates receive him in the dressing room?
With relief, knowing they can now get normal, manly hairstyles
With suspicion, paranoia and awe
With envious looks of those who know they are less talented
If Jesse gets a tattoo, it will have:
Cryptic clues to the exact location of the scourge of NZ cricket
"Ain't no shame in being misunderstood"
"'Baby' x 45 does not equal a song"
More in Page 2
A Birmingham hat-trick
A damp squib of a contest, but a fantastic day for an Indian fan in Birmingham
Eden Gardens turns on the magic again
A pitch with bounce, plenty of runs, a capacity crowd and a last-over finish all made it a day to remember
'Why did I bother buying day 5 tickets?'
No day five contest at Newlands after Kagiso Rabada took a ten-for to wrap up the series win for South Africa
The chants of Virat-Virat are here to stay
A see-saw day at the Wankhede, including a Kohli century and a boisterous crowd made it a memorable occasion
Smith and Guptill light up Sydney
Two memorable centuries, including the highest individual score at the ground, plenty of boundaries and a decent atmosphere at the SCG's first international of the home summer
Sciver and Knight hundreds propel England to comprehensive victory
Rhodes joins Warwickshire in search of opportunity
Chandimal left out for first two Zimbabwe ODIs
Malinga gets suspended ban for breach of contract
Pothas takes over as interim SL coach following Ford's exit
Why are there fewer close ODIs if teams are more evenly matched now?
While scoring rates have increased, matches have become more one-sided
The Cricket Monthly June issue
What score have you not got?
Sachin Tendulkar was never dismissed or left unbeaten on which number?
'There's no better feeling than hitting a good on-drive'
on his debut Test hundred, growing up his father's son, and team-mates
Can Australia Women win a seventh World Cup?
They have won six out of the last ten tournaments, but the competition is a lot stiffer today
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