Down with royalty, celebrity, and single captaincy

1. Celebrities who keep their sunglasses on all through day-night matches
Okay, we've all heard of the media glare, but the fashion statement is okay for the first half of the match. Surely you're joking, Ms Zinta and Mr Mallya, when you say the floodlights need to be dimmer?

2. Charu Sharma for not joining the ICL and bad-mouthing Royal Bangalore Challengers
The picture of restraint and good behaviour. Frankly, it's disgusting.

3. That, as is the norm with KKR fans now, we may all end up referring to teams as CSK, DD, RR, DC, BRC, MI and wait for it... KXIP
Also, that the use of "SRK" may set a precedent for PZ, VM, SS and MA in the future - figure those out yourselves.

4. That John Buchanan's multiple-captains theory will soon probably make it to the syllabi at MBA institutes
A tailor-made case study, no doubt, for the optimisation-techniques classes.

5. The rest of the coaches for not resorting to controversial techniques
Fielders spinning on their heels at point? Dubious dugout disguises? Multiple vice-captains? Why haven't they brought them on?

6. The wretched team names
Two Royals and two Kings. We said it last year, we'll say it again: why does everything have to be regal?

7. Shah Rukh Khan's designer sling, the latest in injurywear
Coming soon to a medical store near you.

8. That only sixes are bestowed with sponsor names
Every run in the game should have a sponsor name plastered across it. Slamsung singles, Thumps up threes, Franta fours.

9. The numerous "Fly to South Africa" contests that you never will win
So this is how seats are filled. But regardless of how many packs of flour or biscuits you buy, you can be sure it won't be you that's winging your way to the Cape.