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Alan Tyers goes behind the scenes

Pup stoops to conquer

The Australian vice-captain deigns to bless a certain Twenty20 tournament with his presence. Maybe

Alan Tyers

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Michael Clarke enters a hotel in Chandigarh, September 20, 2010
"I'm sorry sir, we're going to have to take you in. Your change of heart is not quite convincing" © Associated Press
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News : Michael Clarke weighs up IPL stint
Players/Officials: Michael Clarke
Series/Tournaments: Indian Premier League

The Place: A typical home in India
The Time: The present day

"Father! Father!"

"What is it, my child? What has made you so overcome with emotion?"

"Oh, father. Today is the day we have dreamed of for so many years. Ever since Mr Modi invented the IPL have we prayed and hoped for this moment. And now it may finally have come."

"Well, spit it out, boy. What is it?"

"Father - Michael Clarke is considering coming to play in the IPL!"

"Oh happy day! Oh joy! Oh rapture! Can it be true that our prayers have finally been answered, my son?"

"It is, father, it really is: now we Indians too will be able to thrill to Michael Clarke's exciting tip-and-run brand of the shortest format of the game."

"Quickly, boy, rouse your grandmother from her deathbed and tell her the wondrous news."

Tiny and frail but elated, the old woman gets to her feet to perform a small jig of delight.

"Oh dance with me, my grandson, and let us celebrate the possible opening up in Michael Clarke's busy international calendar that may allow him to grace the IPL."

"Did you think you would live to see the day, grandmother?"

"I must confess that I did not, my darling. I feared that I might go to the great player auction in the sky without having seen the boyish middle-order batsman make a useful 50 off 75 balls in our own fair land."

"Shall we go to the match together, grandma?"

"No, my love. I am too old and weak for the thrills of watching the Australian limited-overs captain in the flesh. It is enough for me to know that he will be signing up for IPL4. Now I can die happy."

She dies.

Happily.

"Normally, my son, I would be distraught with grief over the death of my mother, your grandmother."

"So would I, dad."

"But after the news that Michael Clarke views IPL4 as an important part of his preparations ahead of Australia's Twenty20 World Cup campaign, the death of my beloved mother pales into insignificance."

"Me too, dad. I'm over it already, thanks to Michael Clarke's newfound interest in the IPL."

"He's not doing it for money, you know, son."

"No dad."

"It's about being the best Twenty20 player he can possibly be."

"Yes dad."

They stare into the distance for some time.

Fin

RSS FeedCheck out a free sneak peek of Alan Tyers and Beach's new book WG Grace Ate My Pedalo here. All quotes and "facts" in this article are made up (but you knew that already, didn't you?)

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Comments: 30 
Posted by   on (October 26, 2010, 23:46 GMT)

M. Clarke has been paid enough money by CA for him to buy his own franchise . He will need to if he is thinking of even playing IPL . CA has certainly not got it's monies worth , but that has never bothered them . Ponting $M4.2 last year just to emphasise a point .

Posted by theswami on (October 26, 2010, 9:20 GMT)

Clarke won't be selected by any of the franchisees

Posted by ManishJadav on (October 26, 2010, 8:45 GMT)

"It's about being the best Twenty20 player he can possibly be." LOL LOL LOL

Posted by --.-- on (October 26, 2010, 8:08 GMT)

Hahahaha !! I couldn't stop laughing. Well written ! I loved it.

Posted by ruvvy on (October 26, 2010, 6:14 GMT)

Am as Indian as any! Count me out of the sanctimonious sentimentality bit about death in the family please. You just have to go to a funeral to pay your respects, but need not close your eyes to the bits which bring a smile making life and death enduring :)

Posted by   on (October 26, 2010, 3:41 GMT)

Awful.. old joke.. write-up isnt funny either.

Posted by   on (October 26, 2010, 2:24 GMT)

well written :) but i am sure he could stay out knowing that with just 7 teams this year he may not even bought in the auctions !

Posted by raajesh70 on (October 26, 2010, 2:15 GMT)

I'm so chuffed at the prospect of seeing Clareky at IPL4. Who said Test Cricket is dead? We're now going to see the 20 over version of ' how to build an innings'...am having goose pimples just thnking about it. C'mon mate...the Kochi franchise is awaiting you...in fact even they're wondering whether to play or not...and that team also has multple captains...a mach made in heaven, what?

Posted by   on (October 26, 2010, 1:49 GMT)

Hahaha, thats great. I can't wait to see pups reaction when he goes up for the auction and no teams pick him up. I vote Cameron White to be australia's captain in Twenty20 and one dayers and dump pup from the team.

Posted by   on (October 25, 2010, 16:24 GMT)

@vilander.you are right! he's not that bad. He's worse.

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Alan Tyers
Alan Tyers writes about sport for the Daily Telegraph and others. He is the author of six books published by Bloomsbury, all of them with pictures by the brilliant illustrator Beach. The most recent is Tutenkhamen's Tracksuit: The History of Sport in 100ish Objects. Alan is one of many weak links in the world's worst cricket team, the Twenty Minuters.

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Alan Tyers Alan Tyers writes about sport for the Daily Telegraph and others. He is the author of six books published by Bloomsbury, all of them with pictures by the brilliant illustrator Beach. The most recent is Tutenkhamen's Tracksuit: The History of Sport in 100ish Objects. Alan is one of many weak links in the world's worst cricket team, the Twenty Minuters.
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