Sourav and Greg to share commentary box

	"And then I told him, 'Give me one high up here', but the New Zealand captain at the time was not amused" © AFP Enlarge
Related Links Players/Officials: Greg Chappell | Sourav Ganguly | Ricky Ponting Series/Tournaments: India tour of Australia Teams: Australia | India

Considering the lack of the staple pre-series inter-team banter - such as Dougie Bollinger threatening to blow Rohit Sharma's head off, or Phillip Hughes publicly stating that he intends to put that upstart R Ashwin in his place - the marketing gurus for the upcoming Australia-India Test series have decided to take some measures to liven things up.

One of these includes an almost Baldrick-level cunning plan to team up old nemeses in the commentary box, starting with the rather cheerful ex-coach-captain duo of Greg Chappell and Sourav Ganguly.

"They're going at each other like schoolkids, ya!" gushed the marketing manager of the series broadcaster. "Ganguly called Greg 'mad'. Greg said that Ganguly used to fake injuries. Ganguly called him a failure as a coach. Greg said he was prone to self-doubt. Imagine what putting them together in an enclosed space will do for TRPs!" When asked whether, prior to sports, he worked in reality TV, our man looked surprised and said, "Why, yes! How did you know?"

As with any forward-thinking and controversial plan to change status quo (such as the Facebook Timeline rollout and the Kyoto Protocol), reactions have been fairly mixed.

"Anything that gets Ravi Shastri off the air works for me", remarked one Indian cricket fan on Twitter, only to get a dozen replies with the words "tracer bullet" in them. Aussie skipper Michael Clarke supported the idea as well, saying, "Oh good - whatever keeps that bugger out of our hair." We're not entirely certain whether he was alluding to Ganguly or not.

However, the move found opposition in Sunil Gavaskar. "Ridiculous. Unnecessary. Something that Test cricket can do without," opined the former India opener. His remarks might have something to do with the fact that he was asked to team up on air with Dennis Lillee during all lbw referrals.

Other implementations to make the series "juicier than Irfan Pathan's inswinging yorker to Adam Gilchrist" include a proposed on-ground voting mechanism so that the spectators can help the umpire decide "whether that catch was taken cleanly or not".

The channel also developed the "SpitSpot" - a graphical representation of jettisoned oral fluids, which, if for no other purpose, makes it easy for someone to track down Ricky Ponting during a pitch invasion.

Players on both sides, however, are insistent on insulating themselves from the insufferable inanity by indefatigably individualising their in-formness. Particularly India. Both camps are working on a series of ideas to give themselves the "mental edge".

The Australians have called upon partner hotels to allocate Sachin Tendulkar Room No. 100 everywhere he goes so it will act on his mind. There is also a plan to blare flowery tributes to VVS Laxman on the grounds' PA systems so that he gets all misty-eyed and bowled out, a tactic last employed by England in 1948.

The Indians are clearly no slouches. If reports are to be believed, coach Duncan Fletcher is working on a "group wink" to be directed at Ponting. "The last time I did that was when I was the coach of England, and do you remember how enraged he got? Imagine how he'll react when there are 15 guys doing it at once... I'm even working on a Mexican Wave variant."

We're in for a fun series.