The Heavy Ball

This, that and the other. Mostly the other

Pakistan v England ODIs: in numbers

All the stats that don't matter, ahead of England's latest imminent whitewashing

Alan Tyers

Comments: 7 | Text size: A | A
Can Alastair Cook lead an England revival?, Abu Dhabi, February 12, 2012
18: Number of "sun goes down on England" captions this picture will inspire © Getty Images
Enlarge
Related Links
Players/Officials: Saeed Ajmal
Teams: England | Pakistan

0
Number of overs that should be be bowled by Pakistan second seamer. Favourite score of England batsmen v spinners. See also: 11 - number of unplayable mystery spinners Pakistan can field in team at any one time, and 5 - number of fast bowlers England will be ideally looking to play at any one time.

1
Number of runs awarded for hitting ball away from fielders and running to the other end of the pitch. A mysterious new scoring technique not yet taught to English middle order. Improbably, also number of games already won by England in this series. Experts predict it may increase by anything up to zero more games.

6
Number of runs scored for hitting the ball over the rope without a bounce. A mysterious new scoring technique not yet taught to England batsmen.

71
England innings total which is "probably a few runs below par on this sort of deck".

72
England innings total which "could be very competitive on this sort of deck".

3
Problem position in England batting order.

2, 4 through 7
Other positions in England batting order also causing concerns.

8
England have lots of options in this key position, though.

7
Possible number of Akmals in Pakistan line-up. Also number of brothers to be married off to brides in classic musical.

23.5
Angle of Saeed Ajmal's arm, according to Saeed Ajmal.

15.5
Angle of Saeed Ajmal's arm, according to ICC boffins and eggheads.

180 over 110
Blood pressure of Bob Willis when watching Ajmal bowl.

51
ODI batting average of Jonathan Trott; also number of matches personally lost singlehandedly by Trott by batting a bit slowly, according to some commentators.

6
Estimated number of runs to be scored by Shahid Afridi in each innings (balls faced: two; sixes: one).

10,000
Pounds you will get back if you bet a pound on England winning the series. Sadly, not even a Pakistan bookie will take the risk.

RSS FeedRead CrickiLeaks: The Secret Ashes Diaries, by Tyers and Beach

Tell us what you think. Send us your feedback

© ESPN Sports Media Ltd.

Comments: 7 
Posted by   on (February 15, 2012, 6:42 GMT)

Afridi bit is excellent and almost reflects the truth :-)

Posted by Hamzaad on (February 15, 2012, 5:48 GMT)

Shahid Afridi one is very funny :D

Posted by   on (February 15, 2012, 5:38 GMT)

Hahahah, too damn good esp the bit abt Shahid Afridi!!

Posted by Usm93 on (February 14, 2012, 22:51 GMT)

Awesome Article LOL 71 England innings total which is "probably a few runs below par on this sort of deck".

72 England innings total which "could be very competitive on this sort of deck".

Posted by   on (February 14, 2012, 20:57 GMT)

hahaha hilarious ! the numbr game :P

Posted by a_a_b on (February 14, 2012, 18:04 GMT)

EXCELLENT, very well written ! haha

Posted by SyedArbabAhmed on (February 14, 2012, 9:28 GMT)

10,000 Pounds you will get back if you bet a pound on England winning the series. Sadly, not even a Pakistan bookie will take the risk. = That is too early is not it?

Comments have now been closed for this article

Email this page to a friend Email Feedback Feedback Print Print
RSS FeedAll
Alan Tyers
Alan Tyers writes about sport for the Daily Telegraph and others. He is the author of six books published by Bloomsbury, all of them with pictures by the brilliant illustrator Beach. The most recent is Tutenkhamen's Tracksuit: The History of Sport in 100ish Objects. Alan is one of many weak links in the world's worst cricket team, the Twenty Minuters.

All Articles »

  • Late highs fail to mask wretched year
    2014 in review: Save for the rout of Zimbabwe, 2014 was a year of suspensions and demoralising defeats for Bangladesh
  • Enough with the on-field chatter
    Ian Chappell: One of these days there's going to be an ugly altercation between players on the field
  • Walking up the down escalator
    2014 in review: Player strikes, defeats against fellow minnows, and mountains of debt for the board marked another grim year for Zimbabwe
  • The first Boxing Day classic
    Ashley Mallett: Nearly 150 years ago, the MCG saw the start of a much-loved tradition, with a match starring Aboriginal players
  • Hangovers and headaches
    2014 in review: Embarrassing defeats, a beleaguered captain, a bitter former star, alienating administrators - England's year was gloomy. By George Dobell
Alan TyersClose
Alan Tyers Alan Tyers writes about sport for the Daily Telegraph and others. He is the author of six books published by Bloomsbury, all of them with pictures by the brilliant illustrator Beach. The most recent is Tutenkhamen's Tracksuit: The History of Sport in 100ish Objects. Alan is one of many weak links in the world's worst cricket team, the Twenty Minuters.
  • ESPN
  • ESPNF1
  • Scrum
  • Soccernet