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The 20,000th T20 match report
From our predictive future news reporter, Mystic Glenda McGrath
February 24, 2012
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Stardate 24 February 2212
The 20,0000th Twenty20 international was played today between Domino's Pizza (Kolkata) West Indian Mercenaries and the People's Republic of Sachin Tendulkar.
The recalled Rahul Dravid accumulated in his customary fashion, but was comprehensively outscored by his partner, the Rainabot T20. The genetically engineered batting unit is possessed of incredibly powerful metallic arms and has an enlarged chest area to allow for the maximum number of sponsorship logos. It is powered by inserting shiny objects into its face.
The Rainabot is seen by its manufacturers, the sinister (although not secretive) Shastricorp, as being the future of Twenty20 cricket. Capable of shooting tracer bullets from the space between its ears previously occupied by the brain, the Rainabot quickly raced to 66 off its first 11 deliveries but suffered a short circuit when faced with a bouncer. Smoke began to pour from the Rainabot as it bleeped and gibbered unhappily. It was ordered off the field of play by the umpire, the cryogenically frozen head of umpire Richard Kettleborough.
Domino's Pizza Kolkata recovered to post a respectable 708, but were left ruing their failure to hit two of their 120 deliveries for six. In reply, the Republic of Tendulkar seemed in complete control - until the players, led by the ghost of Chris Gayle, went on strike for a greater share of spectral image rights and improved spirit-medium communications with their board.
However, the match was completed when the ECB offered to provide alternative players, and the pitch was soon overrun with 18-month-old South Africans, who are now being grown in pods at Loughborough University. Exciting newcomer Joost van der Replicant hit the winning runs, and was rewarded with a rusk, a piece of biltong and a British Identity Card.
Read CrickiLeaks: The Secret Ashes Diaries, by Tyers and Beach
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Alan Tyers The cricketing career of Alan Tyers is a tantalising story of what might have been. With just a vast amount more luck, application and talent he might have been less awful at cricket. Banned from playing sport on humanitarian grounds, he writes about it for the Wisden Cricketer and Football365.com, as well as working on The Great American Novel and going up the pub |
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Alan Tyers
The cricketing career of Alan Tyers is a tantalising story of what might have been. With just a vast amount more luck, application and talent he might have been less awful at cricket. Banned from playing sport on humanitarian grounds, he writes about it for the Wisden Cricketer and Football365.com, as well as working on The Great American Novel and going up the pub
@Suresh you shouldn't be reading page 2 mate
Posted by Semer on (February 25, 2012, 7:00 GMT)LOL!Where is the Sehwag failure bot and Ultra bad captaincy Dhoni bot?!!
Posted by Jai_hind04 on (February 25, 2012, 0:11 GMT)The british identity card thing was the best ending ever hahahaaahhaa.
Posted byGreat imagination. . . . . . . LOL!!!
Posted bypitch overrun by 18 months old S.Africans grown in pods hahahaha and unable to hit 2 deliveries for six hahahaha so funny
Posted by prakash_mishra on (February 24, 2012, 14:47 GMT)Funny...the one with enlarged chest area so that more n' more advertising logos can be allowed...hahaha...Its sarcastic but has a hint of truth attached to it...T20 allows glam, fad and fashion to the game...but then the real spirit of the game is lost somewhere tragically...
Posted by Suresh_Joseph on (February 24, 2012, 9:36 GMT)Koltata? West Indian Mercenaries? Is there a link or am I missing something here? Sorry to get logic into the picture, but Kolkata - Eastern part of India...
Posted by bhaskar_79 on (February 24, 2012, 8:57 GMT)haha loved the 18 month south africans grown in pods!!
Posted byHahahahahahahahahahahahahaha great
Posted by 9ST9 on (February 24, 2012, 6:26 GMT)The bit about Raina accompanied with that image was a nice touch :D