The Heavy Ball

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An Ode to Kevin Pietersen, An Agent

Our in-house bard whips up a hymn to KP, now branched out and diversified

Alan Tyers

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Kevin Pietersen's last ODI century came in November 2008, Pakistan v England, 3rd ODI, Dubai, February, 18, 2012
I'm the manager, yes I'm the real manager, all you other damagers are just imitating © Getty Images
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News reporter Charlie Sale
- that's the man from the Mail -
has revealed that KP
now owns a sports agency

It says in the paper
Kev's taken over this caper
to give him some loot
when he hangs up his boots

If he carries on batting
like he did in the Tests
that might be sooner
not later

But…

I digress

Point of the story
as told by the Mail
is that Kev's now an agent
Mister 15 Percent

So he'll help strike some deals
and grease up the wheels
and manage affairs
for some sports millionaires

Among his new clients
are some genuine giants
like Botham! And Cram!
And gymnastics' Beth Tweddle

Well

It's all grist to your mill
but perhaps stranger still
is the listing of
one of his clients

For whose face is that?
On the company's site?
Strike a light!
Ruddy hell!
It's Ian Ronald Bell

As says Charlie Sale
- that's the man from the Mail -
Ian's now being advised
By a bloke in his side

It's hard to imagine
Say, Kenny Barrington
Playing the Ari Gold role
For the Bedsers

But that's modern sport
All business, in short.

The only question remains
As they divide up their gains
Is if Kev can compel
His client, Mr Bell,
To share 15 percent of his runs

RSS FeedYou can check out Alan's new book, Gin And Juice: The Victorian Guide To Parenting here if you like

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Comments: 1 
Posted by Adeel9 on (March 9, 2012, 11:17 GMT)

Nice ode. This is actually a nice piece of literary brilliance.

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Alan Tyers
Alan Tyers writes about sport for the Daily Telegraph and others. He is the author of six books published by Bloomsbury, all of them with pictures by the brilliant illustrator Beach. The most recent is Tutenkhamen's Tracksuit: The History of Sport in 100ish Objects. Alan is one of many weak links in the world's worst cricket team, the Twenty Minuters.

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Alan Tyers Alan Tyers writes about sport for the Daily Telegraph and others. He is the author of six books published by Bloomsbury, all of them with pictures by the brilliant illustrator Beach. The most recent is Tutenkhamen's Tracksuit: The History of Sport in 100ish Objects. Alan is one of many weak links in the world's worst cricket team, the Twenty Minuters.
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