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Sami's self-defence
Mohammad Sami sprays it about in his own words. (Not really)
Imran Yusuf
July 31, 2012
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Players/Officials:
Mohammad Sami
| Shoaib Akhtar
Teams:
Pakistan
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I had a car crash recently in Lahore. My friend made fun of me.
My friends are always making fun of me. The team psychologist once told me that's why I bowl fast. The team physiologist said I bowl fast because of fast-twitch muscles . My local holy man told me it was all because of a grand design.
It is confusing being Pakistani. Everyone has an opinion and it is never the same opinion. Forget why I bowl fast - maybe this is why I bowl badly.
Anyway, this friend who makes fun of me said that my bowling itself was a car crash. He said my run-up was all Alfa Romeo: smooth, beautiful and ergonomic perfection. Then I got to the wicket about to hit top speed. And then I crashed and burned for another five wides.
My other friend said the metaphor was a good one because, like an Alfa Romeo, my bowling had unfailing steering alignment. Dead straight with no deviation. Except for very late in an innings, like late in the car's life, when I sometimes veer to the right. He said I need a mechanic. The first friend disagreed and said a bad driver in an Alfa Romeo was worse than a good driver in a Suzuki Alto.
A third friend was about to say something when I said we should do a runner because things were turning nasty with the guy whose car we had crashed into. This other friend then said, "The other car is like an opposing batsman. Due to your waywardness, it will drive you for an expensive…" And then I gave him a low uppercut to the stomach, like I do to the air in my too-rare celebrations.
They are always talking metaphor and poetry in Lahore. I am from Karachi. This is another reason people criticise me. A fast bowler from Karachi is like America having a black president. Some people will never get over it. Punjabis control everything in Pakistan and everyone knows this. Maybe the only people who don't know it are Americans, though they maybe need to know it the most.
Only a few days ago I read that my former strike partner Shoaib Akhtar has called me weak in the head. This made me upset. But then I saw that later in the article he also said I had been unlucky. That was nice of him. And that is true.
One day all the luck I am owed will flow down in one swoop. The selectors, men who appreciate the infinite justice of the gods, must know this because they keep picking me every few years. I guess I will keep being selected until I start bowling deliveries four yards down leg that hit giant worms that have suddenly appeared from under the surface of the pitch, diverting the ball on to middle stump. It is only a matter of time.
I have been dropped from the team countless times. But my team-mates have dropped catches off my own bowling 20 times for every time I have been dropped. In Australia two years ago, on the very first ball of my 34th comeback, one of the Akmals put me down. Sometimes I would like to put them down. I will leave that for Shoaib Akhtar. He has the head for it.
Some people say I storm in with no plan and bowl very fast and hope for the best. But what is so wrong with that? Take my opposite reflection: someone who trots in and has a masterful strategy and bowls steadily and is three balls ahead of the batsman. Someone like that guy who was recently in jail for selling out the country.
Calculation is no good thing for a sportsman. What kind of person would take a bunch of men with sticks and balls jumping and bending on a big field seriously? Everyone knows men in white trousers are jokers. People don't like me because I remind them that all this, this silly game, is only really suitable for kids.
Or at the most, teenagers. Look at my haircut. The lengthy side-parted thatch of greasy strands curling down to shoulder length - as sported by every 14-year-old-Pakistani who sees himself as a hero in waiting. These are my brethren, the youth of Pakistan. They are the only hope. Imran Khan also says this, so I can't be wrong.
I have been called a hero-in-waiting for over a decade now and I am tired of it. Has anyone else taken hat-tricks in all three forms of the game? I am a hero, full stop, and if you don't agree with me I'll just have to put it down, once again, to an absence of luck.
Imran Yusuf is a writer based in Karachi
All quotes and "facts" in this article are made up, but you knew that already, didn't you?
Tell us what you think. Send us your feedback
© ESPN EMEA Ltd.
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I read it for Imran Yusuf and he once again didn't disappoint me. This article made me laugh so many times. Sami has been the biggest enigma of Pakistan Cricket during the last decade and everyone including the selectors should now accept the fact that he is not International quality material. In fact, he has never been.
Posted byThe satire is awesome. Lost on a lot of people who just take things seriously. Sami has had Akmal as a keeper for the better part of his lifetime. He has seen catches drop of him like Kaneria did. The satire was spot on. A good action. A good run up and an excellent delivery stride but yet he averages 50! That is more then what Hafeez averages. It is sad that what he could have been didn't turn out to be. Chances were given to him like no one else. No one else. A fast bowler are a rarity these days but with the pitches being so dead it is hard for anyone to survive. They need exceptional talent. Sohaib Akhter can just shut up. His time was up way before 2009. Yes a talent but a very wasted talent. Both of them. What would it have been will never be seen. Two 90kph bowlers in full steam from both ends. Sadly one had a ego a size of an elephant and the other just plain so unlucky. Great Satire. Loved it
Posted by bq120is on (August 1, 2012, 1:08 GMT)You guys are forgetting this is a comic article, and doesn't require statisticall critiquing. For what it's worht, it's a great read. Sami is and always has been good, but has lacked something to take him to that higher level...anyway. Relax a bit on here...it's all in good fun ;)
Posted by Shazia_Javed on (July 31, 2012, 22:19 GMT)Imran Yousaf, is able to have his article published by making fun of Sami. And he will consider him a top write from now on... One thing I dont like about such writers is that they say illogical and inccorect and 'funny' things about their country and about their own team just to get approval from the opposition. Job weldone... and whatever you said, Sami is a great player!
Posted by DaDaL0G on (July 31, 2012, 20:47 GMT)Well he has average of 50 But still i like him and i guess he is better bowler than gull he is far behind because he aint got much chances like gul he got pace he got line then why would they dont select him for pakistan but as usual we are wasting the talent as we wasted Wasim Akram, Waqar Younis, Saeed Anwar, Inzi, Moin Khan, Rashid Latif, Basit Ali, Imran Nazir and many other players who had plenty of cricket left in them :(
Posted by DaDaL0G on (July 31, 2012, 20:47 GMT)Well he has average of 50 But still i like him and i guess he is better bowler than gull he is far behind because he aint got much chances like gul he got pace he got line then why would they dont select him for pakistan but as usual we are wasting the talent as we wasted Wasim Akram, Waqar Younis, Saeed Anwar, Inzi, Moin Khan, Rashid Latif, Basit Ali, Imran Nazir and many other players who had plenty of cricket left in them :(
Posted by msq3761 on (July 31, 2012, 20:41 GMT)I would like to ask the writer what he himself has accomplished in the field of cricket? What gives him a right to judge and make fun of someone who's got hat tricks in International Cricket? Criticism is the easiest thing in the world...
Posted byyep he has been unlucky that the batsmen facing him do not leave the stumps so all he has to do is just hit the wickets ...... which I suppose will be a daunting task for him given his talent and performances. He is simply and overrated bowler who is lucky to get so many chances. He has been picked for the worldcup again which is sheer injustice to other fast bowlers.
Posted byIts just insane to blame Pakistan's fielding on his poor stats. If thats the case then there would have been no Waqar, Wasim, Imran , Shoaib, Saqlain, Saeed , Qadir etc. With an average of over 50 ( thats the bowling average not batting average) he was really lucky to be recalled for all three formats. Then he was handed over the ball to bowl the last over with 16 runs to defend and he blew it away again. How many more chances does this guy want and above all he has been selected for the World cup now. " The punjabis control everything" if they did then Sami would have NOT been selected. I am from Karachi and Asad Shafiq is getting a fair chance since he is performing good unlike this overrated derailed train who misfires most of the times. the only thing that is in place is his hair rest UNSLESS !!! bottomline you have yourself to blame and you are LUCKY to get so many chances !!!
Posted by ExplicitPlatinum on (July 31, 2012, 19:13 GMT)@Hassan M Farooqi Junaid Khan is a Pathan and he is a bright prospect. I do agree with the fact that bowlers are just as good in Punjab just as well as in Khyber Pakhtunkhwa. Sohail Khan is another good prospect but it's too late for him to come back now as he is 28. The only talent that was wasted was Riaz Afridi. He takes wickets regularly which is vital. A question that I would like to ask is what ever happened to Fazl-e-Akbar? Did he stop playing cricket? Why isn't he coming back, he was a beast when it came to bowling. Just look at his FC stats.