'Does George Michael look like Merv Hughes?'

The headline
Turns out the parody Twitter account KP Genius (@KevPietersen24) was being written by @Bailsthebadger. As someone who writes a weekly Twitter round-up, I'm delighted to see the social networking site giving rise to stories of such earth-shattering importance.

The gold, silver and bronze
Nikita Miller watched the men's 200m final.

The technique
Tim Bresnan watched whatever was on.

The facial hair
Stuart Broad expressed what most cricket fans were thinking about George Michael during the closing ceremony.

He may have looked like him, but Merv would never have tried new material on such a grand stage.

The irony
Murali Kartik feels he's missed out.

That's not ironic. That's "stupidly arranging to be elsewhere during the Olympic Games". It would have been ironic if you'd taken a job in order to raise money for Olympic tickets and then had your contract unexpectedly extended as a direct consequence of disruption resulting from the Olympic Games. Is that what happened?

The alarm call
Steven Finn fancied a lie-in.

Clearly the go-kart driver is interpreting the request as meaning that they shouldn't disturb the door.

The diet
How is Shane Warne maintaining his new, svelte physique?

Ah, spaghetti on toast, then a piece of toast with Vegemite and way too much butter and cheese and then a hot chocolate. You should market that. You could call it the Shane Warne Spaghetti On Toast, Then A Piece Of Toast With Vegemite and Way Too Much Butter and Cheese and Then a Hot Chocolate Diet.

What else?

Yeah?

Oh.

Getting to know God's philosophy?
Two regular features in one, as Sachin Tendulkar shares his wisdom with us.

Actually, Sachin, anything that happens can be counted - even if it just happens once. Are you saying the only things that count are the things that never happen?

Nando's Watch
Craig Kieswetter's been trying new things.

The next day.

And then shortly after that.

That'll be enough for him. He'll be back with what he knows best by next week.