The Heavy Ball

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England squad enjoy well-earned rest

A look at what the various members of the side got up to on their break

Alan Tyers

Comments: 7 | Text size: A | A
Stuart Broad was all smiles having shrugged off his involvement in the Kevin Pietersen twitter parody account, Lord's, August, 15, 2012
Not the internet innovator of the year, then © Getty Images
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England's victory at Edgbaston on Wednesday night brought the curtain down on the English summer and ensured that the players went into their break with a spring in their step, the squad revelling in the luxury of up to 13 hours leisure time before taking a plane to Sri Lanka to defend their World Twenty20 crown. How did they spent their downtime?

Stuart Broad: "Showed my new-found maturity by definitely not having anything whatsoever to do with a hilarious new Nottingham-based website called Kevin Pietersen Is A Prat that was coincidentally designed in my bedroom by person or persons unknown."

Jonathan Trott: "Arranged furniture in house in alphabetical order, re-indexed collection of interesting bits of tree bark. Got in cardboard box full of straw until they wake me up for the Test matches."

Steve Finn: "Time for a few games of Murder Death Kill VI on the Xbox360 but kept knocking console box over with my hand. Got to bed quite early. Managed to grow an inch in the night. Fell over a few times on the way to the airport but definitely something to build on, skills-wise, with my walking."

Tim Bresnan: "Nightmare journey to airport. Batsmen behaved really badly on bus and let the side down. So I was booted off the coach and made to walk."

Graeme Swann: "Bants."

Jade Dernbach: "Worked out 23 different ways to get from my house to the airport as slowly as possible. Stopped off for a tattoo on the way."

Kevin Pietersen: "Directed short video, starring me; it's like a reboot of Cry Freedom and it's about my suffering and struggle. Powerful stuff. Updated my blacklist of people who have been unfair about me. Going to need a bigger notebook."

Samit Patel: "Conditioning run, high-intensity interval training, gym, swim, weights, stretching. Nandos."

Ravi Bopara: "Worked on my bowling innit. Got to take care of your moneymaker."

Andrew Strauss: "Letters of commiseration to Alastair for bequeathing him this rabble."

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All quotes and "facts" in this article are made up, but you knew that already, didn't you?

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Comments: 7 
Posted by   on (September 16, 2012, 1:44 GMT)

Does Stuart think he is being funny. It's exactly what got him into the trouble he has denied doing. Stuart you are the CAPTAIN I think you need to grow up a bit.Next time your denials may not be believed and you may even understand a little of what KP has been through at your hand.

Posted by landl47 on (September 15, 2012, 3:52 GMT)

Jimmy Anderson: caught 6 sparrows. Eoin Morgan: caught 3 sparrows out of 6. Samit Patel: what sparrows?

Posted by   on (September 14, 2012, 23:01 GMT)

steven finn! that one is surely the best!

Posted by JShells88 on (September 14, 2012, 18:35 GMT)

Hahahahahaha brilliant! You can just imagine all the players doing this!

Posted by maddy20 on (September 14, 2012, 13:42 GMT)

The dig at Kev Pietersen is by far the most hilarious!

Posted by   on (September 14, 2012, 9:06 GMT)

Jonathan Trott: Hahahahahahahaha.

Posted by Noman_Yousuf_Dandore on (September 14, 2012, 7:48 GMT)

Hahahaha!! Brilliant stuff!! Hats off!!

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Alan Tyers
Alan Tyers writes about sport for the Daily Telegraph and others. He is the author of six books published by Bloomsbury, all of them with pictures by the brilliant illustrator Beach. The most recent is Tutenkhamen's Tracksuit: The History of Sport in 100ish Objects. Alan is one of many weak links in the world's worst cricket team, the Twenty Minuters.

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Alan Tyers Alan Tyers writes about sport for the Daily Telegraph and others. He is the author of six books published by Bloomsbury, all of them with pictures by the brilliant illustrator Beach. The most recent is Tutenkhamen's Tracksuit: The History of Sport in 100ish Objects. Alan is one of many weak links in the world's worst cricket team, the Twenty Minuters.
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