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Where can cricket be played next?

A list of alternative venues for cricket to explore

Alan Tyers

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A thick blanket of snow lies on the pitch at Headingley, January 20, 2012
Headingley: for the seriously chilled out © Getty Images
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With an ODI set to be played (or snowed off) in the Himalayan foothills town of Dharamsala, cricket considers other potential venues

1) Requena, Peru
Located in the Amazon rain forest, the ground, with its humid conditions, provides help for swing bowlers. Deforestation should provide ample seating space for ICC corporate partners.

2) Ross Island, The South Pole
Working under the guidance of Lord's, plans are already underway to offer debenture packages to local penguins, who are considered ideal attendees for the posh seats due to their immaculate suits and fondness for cold fish buffets.

3) Chester-le-Street, Durham
Alternative option for those who find the South Pole uncomfortably muggy. Best enjoyed in March for an ODI against the West Indies or Bangladesh. The ECB takes no responsibility for hypothermia or loss of limbs due to frostbite sustained during the quiet middle overs.

4) Qatar
Taking a leaf out of football's book, the next cricket World Cup will be held in the famously sports-mad desert, where the authorities have almost as much affection for the sport of cricket as they do for gay people.

5) The Roosterbender Powdered Meat Bowl, North Dakota
Cricket is still convinced it can sell itself to America, despite all the evidence to the contrary, and plans to hold the next international T20 tournament in the Dakotas - "which could become a cricketing heartland to rival Mumbai".

6) Shane Warne's Garden, Melbourne
To be the headquarters of the Big Warne League, in which Warne will play cricket in the garden against Liz Hurley, tweeting pictures of the action - and claims that he could still play Test cricket for Australia - every hour on the hour.

7) The Lost City Of Atlantis, The Sea
Although sadly submerged underwater, there is hope that some of the most valuable treasures can be recovered and hawked by Channel 9 commentators in between overs. Is working in partnership with New Road, Worcester, to be ready for the new season.

8) The International Space Station, Space
Exciting commercial opportunities are on offer for the first national cricket board to conquer space, the final frontier (apart from the USA). However, the BCCI's reluctance to use technology makes it unlikely that they will be winning the space race.

9) Heaven, In The Sky
Immaculately well appointed ground with splendid facilities for players and spectators alike, where Sachin is currently making a triple-century, and a furious Ricky Ponting has just been run out.

10) Hell, The Other Place
See Adelaide, 2006.

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Comments: 2 
Posted by landl47 on (January 25, 2013, 22:01 GMT)

Can I put in a plea for central Illinois? There would be no trouble finding a flat piece of land for a pitch here- we could easily set up 8 pitches side by side and hold a tournament in which every test match country and 6 of the associates would play simultaneously.

The players wouldn't be distracted by the antics of a lot of tiresome spectators, either. There would be me and my wife would make the teas. It would be very peaceful.

Posted by Vilander on (January 25, 2013, 19:00 GMT)

lol Dharamsala is a bit extreme..considering in Dalai lamas Macleod ganj ( 25 km and 1000 meters away) its still snowing..but today Dharamsala was sunny and warm.

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Alan Tyers
Alan Tyers writes about sport for the Daily Telegraph and others. He is the author of six books published by Bloomsbury, all of them with pictures by the brilliant illustrator Beach. The most recent is Tutenkhamen's Tracksuit: The History of Sport in 100ish Objects. Alan is one of many weak links in the world's worst cricket team, the Twenty Minuters.

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Alan TyersClose
Alan Tyers Alan Tyers writes about sport for the Daily Telegraph and others. He is the author of six books published by Bloomsbury, all of them with pictures by the brilliant illustrator Beach. The most recent is Tutenkhamen's Tracksuit: The History of Sport in 100ish Objects. Alan is one of many weak links in the world's worst cricket team, the Twenty Minuters.
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