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Mutiny: a step-by-step process

Fed up of the Indian board's bullying, the other boards discuss a boycott

Samantha Pendergrast

Comments: 13 | Text size: A | A
BCCI president N Srinivasan during the ICC meeting, Colombo, October 9, 2012
N Srinivasan: a fan of The Calling's hit single "Wherever You Will Go" © ICC/Getty
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From: ecb1981@cricket.co.uk

To: Ozrules@lookingforaspinner.com.au;
safferboys@thisisnochoke.co.za;
windiesstrike@carib.com;
banglatigers@minnow-bashing.com;
slcricket@gov.lk;
blackcaps@hadlee.co.nz;
pcb_zakadarocker@iluvimmy.com;
zimcricket@mugabe.com

Chaps,

I can't believe how spineless we were at the ICC meeting. Srini says India won't tour any country that wants DRS and instead of flipping the table so all the tea dregs fell on his safari suit, we stayed mum! In fact Dharamadasa offered to host all its Tests at the SSC so Indian batsmen could find form (and records) again. Ha! Srini glared at you, thinking you were being sarcastic, and I thought, "Uh oh you there go the Sri Lankan player salaries for the next five years." But you weren't being sarcastic.

What are we so scared of? TV rights? Considering how much their team sucks, it's unlikely anyone will want to watch them in a couple of years. So let's boycott the hell out of them. Go to the mattresses to ride out the storm and brace ourselves for the suckerpunch before taking control of our futures.

Who's with me?
G

From: zimcricket@mugabe.com
Mind the mixed metaphors, old boy

From: safferboys@thisisnochoke.co.za
But you don't need DRS to dismiss them, do you?

From: windiesstrike@carib.com
"Boycott" - I really hate that word. Call it "Interpersonal relationship hiatus" and I'm in.

From: blackcaps@hadlee.co.nz
But will you all guarantee to play with us?

From: Ozrules@lookingforaspinner.com.au
Mate, everyone wants to play you. But how do we stay united in the face of the IPL?

From: banglatigers@minnow-bashing.com
You're all welcome to join the BPL instead.

From: safferboys@thisisnochoke.co.za
Hahahahhahahahhahha

From: banglatigers@minnow-bashing.com
What?

From: safferboys@thisisnochoke.co.za
Er… I was laughing at "safari suit". I mean who even wears that these days?

From: ecb1981@cricket.co.uk
Focus, people. Forget the IPL. Anyone who wants to play it can play. Once we refuse to tour India or host them, the value of their international cricketers will begin to drop and as a result the IPL's too.

From: slcricket@gov.lk
But what if the BCCI threatens our players by withdrawing their franchise millions unless they play India internationally? What if the players start their own rebel boards and play the Indian team?

From: pcb_zakadarocker@iluvimmy.com
I have a sneaking suspicion yours are going to do that regardless.

From: slcricket@gov.lk
Shut up. At least they make runs.

From: Ozrules@lookingforaspinner.com.au
But do they earn them?

From: blackcaps@hadlee.co.nz
Any more united and the BCCI will be eating out of our hands.

From: safferboys@thisisnochoke.co.za
Yeah, come on guys. India is not even the final frontier anymore. Anyone can beat them.

From: ecb1981@cricket.co.uk
Are you trying to belittle what Cookie and Co achieved?

From: safferboys@thisisnochoke.co.za
What? No, I'm just saying if you have good fast bowlers, you can win anywhere.

From: Ozrules@lookingforaspinner.com.au
So you mean Siddle and Co will break their backs in India for nothing?

From: blackcaps@hadlee.co.nz
You know, we did fairly well in India too, holding them to a draw.

From: safferboys@thisisnochoke.co.za
Exactly my point! It's not even a frontier anymore.

From: blackcaps@hadlee.co.nz
Hey! Ah… who am I kidding? You're right.

From: ecb1981@cricket.co.uk
I have seen Under-10s on sugar rush at Disneyland with better concentration abilities!

From: windiesstrike@carib.com
You know Srini said he could arrange our pre-IPL retreat at Disneyland this year.

From: pcb_zakadarocker@iluvimmy.com
With families?

From: windiesstrike@carib.com
We could ask. Last year trip's to Bordeaux was fun, wasn't it? Though there are among us those who aren't allowed entry into France after that.

From: Ozrules@lookingforaspinner.com.au
Come on, even Hawk-Eye couldn't have predicted I'd land on that lady's lap.

From: cementhead@rollwiththemoney.com
Ha!

From: Ozrules@ashesourashes.com.au
Eh? Who's that?

From: ecb1981@cricket.co.uk
I didn't send this mail to anyone else but the eight of you.

From: pcb_zakadarocker@iluvimmy.com
A leak? Check the BCB laptops. They can't be trusted. They never keep their word!

From: banglatigers@minnow-bashing.com
You're one to talk!

From: zimcricket@mugabe.com
Calm down, folks. Cricket administration is a tough job. Not all of us can be awesome at it.

From: safferboys@thisisnochoke.co.za
LOL. My tummy hurts!

From: zimcricket@mugabe.com
Swallowed something?

From: ecb1981@cricket.co.uk
Can we track the IP address?

From: Ozrules@lookingforaspinner.com.au
Afraid not. We decided not to use the technology.

…………

BCCI headquarters

Lackey: Sir, do you think it was a good idea to push the other boards to the brink with the threat of not touring. Aren't you worried they may turn against you?

Srini: Son, I put the "bcc" in BCCI.

Lackey: Huh?

Srini: Buhahhahahhahahhaha

Tell us what you think. Send us your feedback

© ESPN Sports Media Ltd.

Comments: 13 
Posted by Sinhabahu on (February 11, 2013, 12:50 GMT)

"slcricket@gov.lk"

LMAO!

Posted by IndianInnerEdge on (February 9, 2013, 23:03 GMT)

Hilarious....esp the email id's...esp the english one - ecb1981@cricket.co.uk- sums up the time warp!....irrespective of the merots of the DRS or not....1 thing u gtta agrree on is the BCCI and its creepy cronies provide plenty of fodder for humour and the like :)

Posted by xylo on (February 9, 2013, 21:37 GMT)

For what is worth, I don't think SLC, PCB, BCB will go against BCCI. In fact, I think they are all in this together hand in glove. They have all had experiences with being dismissed with contempt by ECB and CA, and will be happy that one of their own is dictating terms now.

Posted by   on (February 9, 2013, 19:54 GMT)

Nice hilarious article! None of the boards will oppose BCCI everyone wants money. In cricket India has got it and everyone listens, in every other aspect USA and the developed countries have it and the others listen. We can all talk about principles but ultimately this is what happens. Secondly there is a rumor that DRS is being rejected because tendulkar and the other batters do not like it. Guys! wake up the BCCI never cares that much for the players, they reject it because my guess they do not find it financially lucrative maybe the drs firms are not giving them a cut or watever and the players are just their mouthpieces. Whether DRS makes good decisions is debatable but nothing wrong in having it just make sure the BCCI gets it share and everything will be fine.

Posted by   on (February 9, 2013, 15:20 GMT)

let them Boycott.show them that ICC is stronger.

let Ireland be new test team

Posted by ishud on (February 9, 2013, 13:17 GMT)

Hilarious article!! lol! :D

Posted by India_ANY_track_bully on (February 9, 2013, 10:54 GMT)

As major failures of DRS components and its current implementation come to light slowly (from none other than its inventors and sellers, and course of various matches being played), the major challenge will be for the english media and ECB to eat humble pie and acknowledge that BCCI had called correctly on this (no DRS needed there!). Another myth propagated is that BCCI is the only board opposed to DRS.. no it isn't!! Key question to close this chapter will be whether ECB and its likes are brave enough to get their heads out of the sand and sit down to discuss the issues with DRS and start remediation collaboratively. BCCI is standing up for what's right for cricket... if that is being a bully, then we need more of such bullies!

Posted by India_ANY_track_bully on (February 9, 2013, 10:46 GMT)

@PKNYcricFan : If you watch carefully you might notice that its not the umpire but the players who go to DRS... have you thought about it?

Posted by India_ANY_track_bully on (February 9, 2013, 10:37 GMT)

@durhamd : "DRS makes the amount of correct decisions increase". That's part of the problem (i.e the myth generated by DRS proponents)... Can you tell me how the correctness of DRS decisions being validated? erm.. you guessed it... using DRS!!.. where is the science in that?! I've listed only 9 issues out of the many which need to be addressed but unfortunately there seems to be more interest in board bashing than having an informed and scientific discussion. Using technology is good but using stone age technology (which is expensive as well to say the least) isn't. Why use a forklift to eat dinner? Had ECB been against the DRS it would have been hailed by the media as a noble stand.. the hypocrisy of it all!!

Posted by PKNYcricFan on (February 9, 2013, 10:17 GMT)

I hate it when Indians try to defend their decision against DRS with human eyes reliability because you only go to DRS after empires decision. It reduces the human eyes error. Think abt it.

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