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Some vital records that are on the verge of being broken

Want stats? Bet you didn't know about these upcoming milestones

Alan Tyers

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David Cameron plays cricket during a trip to India, Mumbai, February 18, 2013
David Cameron: best cover-drive by a British prime minister not called Margaret Thatcher © PA Photos
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James Anderson this week surpassed Sir Ian Botham as the most wicketing-est English bowler ever; he has now taken 534 international scalps, an English record. Until it happened, many of us - including, reportedly, Sir Ian - didn't even know that there was such a thing as a record for international wickets. So what other records are being broken as we speak?

If he takes one more wicket or scores one more run, Waddington Mwayenga will break his own Zimbabwean record for Most Combined Runs and Wickets Scored by a Zimbabwean Called Waddington at Harare (16) . Sadly Waddington has not played for the national side since 2005, but he remains focused on his record-breaking exploits.

Kevin Pietersen is ranked 62,640,999th in the Tate And Lyle Most Popular Person in the United Kingdom Rankings and is eyeing a sensational record-breaking double of Most Lowly Placed Person in the United Kingdom Popularity Rankings Multiplied by Square Footage of House Owned in Chelsea - the so-called Michael Winner Constant - but faces stiff competition from John Terry.

Michael Clarke needs just seven more bottles of aftershave and three scented facial rubs to become Australia's all-time leading Most Eau De Cologne-Type Product-Owning Sportsman and break the record of 1896 Ashes wicketkeeping hero James "Fruity" Kelly. The record was initially awarded to Australian Who Smelled Most Like a Sheila but has been updated as cricketing and societal tastes have changed.

Mitchell Johnson is just one miniature Porsche Carrera and two Lamborghini Diablos away from breaking the record of Most Combined German and Italian Miniature Model Sports Cars Owned by an Australian Cricketer. The record currently stands at two, held by Mitchell Starc. Mitchell Johnson "does not own any Italian model cars yet but is working hard to put that right," he says.

Sachin Tendulkar is just one Oscar for Best Supporting Actress away from being The First Indian to Score 100 International Hundreds and Win an Oscar For Best Supporting Actress. The BCCI is lobbying hard to have the rules of the Academy Awards changed to allow males who are not in films to win the coveted statue, but has met with strong resistance from Anne Hathaway, who is herself just 100 international tons away from breaking the statistical milestone.

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Comments: 5 
Posted by   on (February 22, 2013, 21:29 GMT)

I really hate to be the spoilsport in situations like these, Mr Tyers, but Anne Hathaway is both a hundred tons AND an Oscar short of the feat you mentioned in the last paragraph. In 48 hours, she might get herself the latter, though- she's nominated for Les Miserables.

Posted by   on (February 22, 2013, 15:32 GMT)

LOL hillarious mate ignore the ones with no humour

Posted by   on (February 22, 2013, 9:52 GMT)

agree with yoogi.. n since v r on stats.. u hav 2 b accurate even if the data is trivial.. :P anne is 100 international tons n an indian citizenship away frm the last mentioned award :P

Posted by yoogi on (February 22, 2013, 9:12 GMT)

Sorry to be blunt, if records and statistics are the topic, zaltman is the one who knows how to write. You guys pale in comparison.

Posted by Trapper439 on (February 22, 2013, 6:46 GMT)

They say that when a breeze wafted over the ground when James "Fruity" Kelly was on the field, the spectators who were downwind would have to be treated for inhalation of the noxious fumes.

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Alan Tyers
Alan Tyers writes about sport for the Daily Telegraph and others. He is the author of six books published by Bloomsbury, all of them with pictures by the brilliant illustrator Beach. The most recent is Tutenkhamen's Tracksuit: The History of Sport in 100ish Objects. Alan is one of many weak links in the world's worst cricket team, the Twenty Minuters.

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Alan TyersClose
Alan Tyers writes about sport for the Daily Telegraph and others. He is the author of six books published by Bloomsbury, all of them with pictures by the brilliant illustrator Beach. The most recent is Tutenkhamen's Tracksuit: The History of Sport in 100ish Objects. Alan is one of many weak links in the world's worst cricket team, the Twenty Minuters.
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