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The week on Twitter

'I'm convinced I have the most problematic life!'

Have some sympathy for cricketers, who have to worry about dinner, sponsors, defining coincidences and finding greater meaning in logograms

Alex Bowden

Comments: 1 | Text size: A | A
The anxiety is writ large on Owais Shah's face after he spilled a catch off Graeme Smith, South Africa v England, ICC Champions Trophy, Group B, Centurion, September 27, 2009
Owais Shah tries to figure out if there will be more pizza for everyone if it's cut into eight slices instead of four © Getty Images
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In this week's Twitter round-up, we answer all the most pressing questions. How do you know when you've eaten enough sushi? What did Ricky Ponting bring to the dressing room? What does an ampersand remind you of? And is Owais Shah numerate?

The observation
Jason Krejza has spotted something.

"Has anyone noticed that an ampersand looks like a guy bum dragging along the ground like dogs do? & #bumdrag"
@JK404

Nice hash tag.

The business plan
Mitchell Marsh has had an idea.

"I wish I sold bandwagons."
@mitchmarsh235

Actually Mitch, one of the defining features of bandwagons is that a single one can accommodate many people. Just because there are a lot of people jumping on them doesn't mean that there's necessarily a huge market for such things.

The skill
Pat Cummins is a man of rare talent.

"I just fell asleep sitting upright at dinner. #jetlag"
@93Cummins

The minimum
More dinner-time slowness is described by Ravi Bopara.

"Just been for dinner with Owais Shah & @robkey612 I suggested the Thai platter for 3 & Owais replies "no we can't coz it's minimum 2 people""
@ravibopara

Clearly Owais doesn't see Ravi and Rob as people.

The tunes
Graeme Swann has temporarily renounced Nineties indie music.

"Sun out, system up, top down, Patto Banton blaring out. Living the dream."
@Swanny66

Arguably, he had more credibility when he was listening to Shed Seven.

The defence
Murali Kartik needs to ward something off.

"Not a dessert person but Strawberry cheesecake...yummy tummy..a scoop a day keeps the tongue at bay"
@kartikmurali

What's the tongue doing? Is this a Brad Hogg reference?

The alarm call
MS Dhoni's an early riser.

"Good morning everyone.and yes the pattern continues.got up 15 mins before the alarm.enough time to get ready and go for breakfast"
@msdhoni

If it was only enough time because you got up 15 minutes before the alarm, you should probably set it to go off earlier.

The retirement
What did Ricky Ponting bring to a dressing room? Let's ask his Tasmania team-mate, Tim Paine who has been dissecting the consequences of Ponting's retirement with other members of the side.

"Does this mean we have to start paying for vitamins and deodorant ? @FaulknerC25 @luke_buttsy @alexdoolan15 @Gobbler1986"
@tdpaine36

Small man. Big loss.

The coincidence
Darren Bravo wants to know the odds.

"Is this a coincidence? I was in pegasus hotel jam in 09 wen the king of pop passed away..im back here again after four yrs on d same day."
@DMBravo46

It's not a coincidence. It's just going back to the same place after a certain amount of time. Furthermore, the time of year is presumably largely dictated by the fixture list.

The everyday experience
Tim Bresnan risked IKEA.

"Managed to escape from IKEA, thanks for all the tips. The trail of Swedish Meatballs worked perfectly. Didn't get 1 thing we wanted."
@timbresnan

But what did you get that you didn't want?

Life with Kemar Roach
The excitement NEVER STOPS.

"Early Morning Chores!"
@KemarAJR

"It's A Pretty Hot Day!"

"Ok Kemar, Get Out Of Bed!!!"

"What To Do Today?"

"Time For Some Food!"

"Im Comvinced I Have The Most Problematic Life!"

You really don't.

What's your philosophy?
You'd think we'd have a decent handle on Shaun Pollock's philosophy by now, but he's never short of something to add.

"In our World we tend to judge others by their actions and ourselves by our intentions ."
@7polly7

We're judging you by your tweets, Shaun.

Nando's Watch
Vernon Philander was feeling adventurous and asked for restaurant suggestions.

"Thanks for all the options but think I'll do with a #nandos tonight but will certainly check out some of your options over time. #thank"
@VDP_24

No you won't.

YO! Sushi Watch
Andrew Flintoff is no longer a cricketer. He dines elsewhere.

"Always been troubled by knowing how many plates are acceptable to eat @YoSushi before you are deemed greedy , trying to avoid embarrassment"

Fortunately, he has a system.

"I work on , when sat on my stool when the top plate reaches my 2nd chin it's time to pay @YOSushi !"

RSS FeedAlex Bowden blogs at King Cricket

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Comments: 1 
Posted by GedLadd on (July 5, 2013, 8:42 GMT)

I wish I had been a fly on the wall when Owais, Ravi and Rob worked out how to split their final bill three ways. It might have been a long, late night.

But surely it follows, with a Thai platter under discussion, that for some reason the trigonometric trio were NOT dining at Nandos. How could that possibly be?

Very funny Twitter piece yet again.

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