Why are cricket spectators always short-changed?

We are art lovers, not watchers of some back-alley freak show

Andrew Hughes

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Pools of water collected on the outfield, England v Australia, 1st NatWest ODI, September 6, 2013
Headingley's Carnegie Pavilion: like a Transformer mid-morph © Getty Images
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Teams: Australia | England
Grounds: Headingley

Friday's rain in Leeds was not mere meteorological happenstance, resulting from crowded isobars or cheeky northerlies; it came about because God, who I happen to know appreciates a good bit of architecture, still waxes vengeful every time he sets eyes on that monstrosity they call the Carnegie Pavilion: the architectural offspring that resulted from the coming together of an East German secret-police building and a Bond villain's underwater lair.

Similar divinely ordained retribution has been meted out across the Pennines for decades. God knew one day it would come to pass that the citizens of the red rose county would erect an enormous scarlet representation of a child's plastic construction brick right next to a lovely Victorian pavilion, and he wanted to punish them in advance with a deluge, though having promised never to do the full 40-day flood again, he has instead drizzled on them in installments for decades.

The Headingley deluge prevented cricket fans from getting a view of what is being excitingly billed as England's "experimental" one-day team, an interesting use of the word, but an apposite one, in that the cobbled-together collective due to take the field at some point this month reminds us of the kind of experiments Dr Frankenstein liked to dabble in. The whole thing sort of looks okay - bowlers and batsmen more or less in the right place - but there's something vaguely unnatural about it; it appears to be rather clumsily put together, and leaves you feeling uneasy. Particularly if you've paid £100 for your ticket.

Things did not end well for Dr Frankenstein and let us hope that this series does not conclude with Dr Flower and his minion Ashley trapped on the Rose Bowl balcony as the thunder rumbles, the lightning flashes, the wind howls, and a mob of angry peasants bearing pitchforks, torches and hastily assembled Jamie Overton banners march on the pavilion.

Our great sport is an art form, not a bit of throwaway entertainment. As CLR James said:

"Cricket is first and foremost a dramatic spectacle. It belongs with the theatre, ballet, opera and the dance."

And yet, cricket spectators are too often treated like naïve punters at some dodgy backstreet sideshow: fleeced on the way in, short-changed on the way out. If you'd paid to watch Cecilia Bartoli, you'd be a bit miffed if you turned up, ticket and opera glasses in hand, to discover that she'd been told to take a few weeks off to prepare for a more important show in Australia, and, as an experiment, Robin Thicke would be filling in.

Such is this Australian team's remarkable ability to limbo under the low-expectation bar, our Antipodean cousins may yet find a way to lose to Dr Flower's hastily assembled monstrosity, but that would hardly be the point. Australian selection policy has long been an experiment, and like the work at CERN, could take many millions of hours perusing spreadsheets, clipboards and Antiproton Decelerators to show positive results. But whilst it may be some years yet before they discover the elusive Gilchrist-Hayden-Warne particle, in the meantime, they are at least trying to play their best team.

Andrew Hughes is a writer currently based in England. He tweets here

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Comments: 3 
Posted by MRuneckles on (September 10, 2013, 16:49 GMT)

I doubt many people would be naive enough think that an ODI series starting so soon after one Ashes series, and so soon before another, would have a full strength side out.

It's over the top to call this a Frankenstein team, there are seven out of eleven first choice ODI players, and the only big misses for me are Broad and Swann. Carberry is just as good a batsman to watch as Cook, and Stokes and Rankin are interesting prospects.

Posted by Insult_2_Injury on (September 9, 2013, 4:46 GMT)

Strange isn't it Andrew that one of the two cricket playing nations with the worst weather (Eng & NZ) still doesn't have an indoor stadium. Maybe if the two sporting bodies had got together 7-8 years ago, one of the Olympic stadia may have been converted after 2012 into an all purpose arena, based around cricket. Let's face it, it only needs to hold 15,000 to cater for the general cricket going public in England. Your reticence to accept an experimental ODI side is understandable with your World Cup record of 0-3, where as us Aussies are used to productive clean outs; as our 4 World Cup wins on 4 different continents from 6 Finals attempts attest to. As you'd have noticed from the last Test, Aussies are prepared to go for a win from any position, rather than the British satisfied sigh when a rain delay means there's a more than even chance you won't lose. Given all that, the result of the 1st Indoor series in Melb 2000 - Aus 1, SA 1, Tie 1. Perfect 'weather'; result - Draw!

Posted by Stup1d on (September 8, 2013, 10:15 GMT)

Pretty simple. They allow themselves to be treated as such. Once people "greet" their administrators with empty stadiums, they will wake up.

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Andrew Hughes
Andrew Hughes is a writer and avid cricket watcher who has always retained a healthy suspicion of professional sportsmen, and like any right-thinking person rates Neville Cardus more highly than Don Bradman. His latest book is available here and here @hughandrews73

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