You can't exactly put a fielder in the car park, can you?
Ravi Bopara sums up the challenge of setting a field for Chris Gayle
Bryce, Bryce, your bowling's quite nice, they're gonna need some batting advice
Bryce McGain recounts the family-friendly chant the Essex fans came up with during his spell with the county
"If there is a better one-day keeper-batsman in the world at the moment I'd like to see him."
Nasser Hussain sings the praises of James Foster and wonders how he missed out on England's provisional Champions Trophy squad
"Essex will be looking into it very seriously. If it is considered that our particular eagle has any Nazi connotations then we will remove it henceforth."
As Barclays Bank consider removing their eagle - after 317 years - for fear of Nazi associations, an Essex spokesman, possibly with tongue-in-cheek, assures the public that the Essex Eagles' logo will also be weighed up
"There's no 'I' in team but there's an 'I' in winners."
Ronnie Irani after Essex's Pro40 title. There's an 'I' in other words we can think of as well, Ronnie ...
"I like Essex. There are some nice restaurants, great nightlife and a couple of good golf courses. That's all I need to keep me happy."
Simple pleasures: Darren Gough reveals he's not the culture-vulture we had suspected
"My life hasn't changed that much. I just get the piss taken out of me even more by the Essex boys. I seem to be the butt of everyone's jokes at the moment. I thought they might have moved on and found some new jokes but they seem to be happy with the old ones."
Fame in India has made little difference to Alastair Cook's life back in Essex.
"He's only got one knee left. I know he'll be running in all day, so we've got to handle him well."
Nasser Hussain unintentionally highlights Essex's gamble in signing Darren Gough