Zimbabwe batting gets nil points from the European jury

The Saturday of the first Lord's Test has a little tradition attached to it that is not widely known. It is European Presidents' Day, when officials from the developing cricket countries of Europe gather at the Test with a sponsor, dignitary or administrator from back home to use Test cricket as a showcase for their own development plans. It is not always easy to explain the finer points of the game to a German businessman or a Norwegian playing-fields controller, but they are generally impressed by the atmosphere of a major sporting occasion.

Some attempts to convert such people to cricket's cause are more successful than others. When Zimbabwe last toured in England in 2000, the president of the Swiss Cricket Association brought with him the mayor of the local community where they were hoping to establish a new cricket ground. A reserved individual from a rather straight-laced background, the mayor did not necessarily find it easy to let himself go, but as the hospitality worked its magic he began to warm to the idea of cricket.

He had seen the plans for the new ground he had been asked for in Switzerland, and he was very impressed by the splendour of Lord's, even if they were looking for something less grand in the Alps. However, he was totally won over when play was disrupted by a young lady who ran onto the outfield wearing nothing more than a pair of tight-fitting black trousers and a broad smile. If this was what cricket was all about, he decided, he couldn't get enough of it, and the new ground was duly sanctioned.

All that was laid bare for the European presidents and their guests this time was the inability of the Zimbabwean batting to cope with incisive English bowling. The only streak in evidence was Heath Streak - not once but twice actually, as Zimbabwe's captain had to bat twice on the same day. Hardly the sort of thing to raise Swiss blood pressure.

First time around, the Finns and Spaniards would have marvelled at the way young James Anderson belied his choirboy looks to display a ruthless streak as he ripped the heart out of the Zimbabwean batting. What they saw facing Anderson, Stephen Harmison and Matthew Hoggard might not have appeared too dissimilar to what they find from their better players at home.

Quite how the Italians and Belgians would explain the second innings when they got home does not, perhaps, bear too much contemplation. It is one thing to be blown away by exuberant youth allied to the best of the quick bowlers' arts. It is quite another to go down to the combined menace of Anthony McGrath and Mark Butcher.

Butcher had got four wickets in a Test innings once before - against Australia at Edgbaston in 2001. That day's 4 for 42 was thought likely to be the pinnacle of his international bowling career, until he collected another four-for at Lord's. He was even robbed of one when he pinned back the middle stump only for the delivery to be declared a dead ball because the sightscreen had not been turned from red to white. In normal circumstances most batsmen who consider themselves of international calibre wouldn't have minded facing Butcher from a red background.

As for McGrath, he had bowled less than 400 overs in his first-class career, despite having played 120 matches before this Test. There was some scorn poured on the idea that he was filling in as an allrounder for the injured Andrew Flintoff. McGrath, however, made those critics eat their words. Not only did he trundle down six overs and pick up three wickets for next-to-nothing, he also went off with an injury to his side. He really did come of age as an England bowler on that sort of showing.

Quite what they will make of all this back on mainland Europe remains a mystery. You can just imagine the Luxembourg representative returning home and trying to convince his wife that he had been in London watching the cricket. "And then Butcher and McGrath simply ran through them in the second innings." Believe that, and she might well believe that Zimbabwe have more chance of winning the Eurovision Song Contest than winning a Test in this series. Ding-a-ling-a-Zim, tra-la, tra-la. Nil points.