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Let us now bow to R Ashwin

Guess who is the world's second-best opening bowler in Tests this decade

Andy Zaltzman
Andy Zaltzman
02-Sep-2015
Think of what'll happen to his average if he had a mullet and a sneer  •  Associated Press

Think of what'll happen to his average if he had a mullet and a sneer  •  Associated Press

The final instalment of the two-year Anglo-Australiac cricketing hypermarathon is almost upon us, after a compelling if pointless one-off T20 international that provided as much closely fought action and in-match uncertainty as the entire baffling five-Test series. While T20 international cricket is rightly avoiding overkill, it is also committing underkill. A three-match series, played over three or four nights, or even a five-game series in a week, would give the matches greater meaning and context, without flogging the golden horse-goose until it starts laying economy gherkins instead of solid platinum donkey eggs. As the old saying goes. And it could provide a rather more condensed and satisfying finale to the summer's cricket.
As it is, the cricketingly disappointing Ashes has given the traditional post-series afterthought ODIs a greater degree of interest than they have had in the past, as England seek to continue their two-decades-overdue awakening from 50-over slumber. There may be some similarities between the ODIs and the Tests in that the first day of each match will almost certainly decide the outcome.
Australia have at times appeared almost as mentally jaded and drained as England did 18 months ago on their Ashes-surrendering tour, which is (a) a considerable achievement, (b) not much of an excuse for failing to engage brain and bat simultaneously at the crucial moments of the series, and (c) understandable. The Smith era truly begins with their new captain - after possibly the least convincing 500-run series in Test history - seeking to retain the aura of absolute certainty with which he guided his team through the knockout phase of the World Cup.
All told, the Ashes was stacked with statistical and procedural quirks. Australia kept all of England's batsmen quiet apart from Joe Root, but bowled, overall, disappointingly, and lost. Josh Hazlewood - 16 wickets at 25 - had a worse series than Mark Wood - 10 wickets at 39. David Warner and Chris Rogers averaged 52.8 between them, the third highest-averaging series ever by Australian openers in England (behind Mark Taylor and Geoff Marsh in 1989, and the 1948 pair of Arthur Morris and Sid Barnes (who were replaced by Lindsay Hassett and Ian Johnson for one Test each). Yet the 2015 partnership failed, badly and decisively, at the critical pivots.
England's bowlers swung between raging intensity and somewhat listless resignation, but touched heights of brilliance, collectively in Cardiff and individually at Edgbaston and Trent Bridge. Question marks hover over almost as many players as at the start of the series, and some have regressed. We have learned little that we did not know before about them. They timed their peaks and troughs rather better than they had over the previous 15 months.
A testing, engrossing winter schedule will, I think, reveal far more than this scatterbrained series. Australia will leave with three principal messages in their heads: "Please can we do that again", "Please let us go home", and "Please let us never speak of this until the end of time."
A two-question quiz for you:
1. Who is India's best ever opening bowler?
2. Who is the second best Test opening bowler this decade?
Legal disclaimer: "Best" refers to a selectively narrow interpretation of certain statistical criteria (in this case, it is judged entirely and exclusively on Test bowling average, with a minimum of eight innings for question one, and 13 innings for question two); stat includes all wickets taken in innings when the player has opened the bowling, rather than only referring to their opening spells; stat may be meaningless; stat may change without prior warning after the players' next Tests; stat cannot be used as a "fact" in an argument.
Answer 1: R Ashwin, who, in 14 innings as an opening bowler in Tests has taken 45 wickets at 21.48, ahead of all other Indian new-ball operators (from Amar Singh and Mohammad Nissar in the early days, to modern legends such as Kapil Dev, Javagal Srinath, and Pankaj Singh (who, admittedly, falls six innings short of the eight-innings minimum criterion, but has some catching up to do in the wickets column).
Would Australia have won the Ashes if Lyon and Fawad had been steaming quietly in with the new conker? Was John Bracewell the real Richard Hadlee? Could Peter Such have been the English Michael Holding?
Answer 2: R Ashwin. Among the world's new-ball operators this decade, he is behind only Dale Steyn (average 20.69) (with, it should be said, a fair few more new-ball wickets than Ashwin), as are almost all bowlers on almost all criteria over the past ten years.
Do these answers prove that Ashwin is, in fact, a tearaway fast bowler trapped inside a spinner's body? Only when given the shiny, glistening new leather sphere of destiny does his inner Lillee scream out the true nature of his being, as his average plummets by ten points compared to how he performs when not given the new ball.
Or do they prove that all teams have been barking up the wrong Test tree and at the wrong five-day cat by slavishly adhering to tradition and using seamers as their opening pair? Would Australia have won the Ashes if Nathan Lyon and Fawad Ahmed had been steaming quietly in with the new conker instead of Hazlewood and Mitchell Starc? Was John Bracewell the real Richard Hadlee? Could Peter Such have been the English Michael Holding, if only he had been given the chance?
No. No. No. No. And probably not. They do show, unsurprisingly, that Ashwin has been regularly effective with the new ball in conditions that suit him. He has been a major figure in many Indian victories - his 6.69 wickets per win (87 in 13 wins) is behind only Rangana Herath this decade (7.08 wickets per win), and fractionally ahead of Saeed Ajmal (6.67) and Steyn (6.58). Also unsurprisingly, Steyn compares favourably with the other major pacers of the decade, including Mitchell Johnson (5.35), James Anderson (4.93), Ryan Harris (4.25) and his own team-mate Morne Morkel (3.83).
Ashwin's Test career has been littered with striking successes, but also scarred by a costly notable failures. He has been entrusted with the major burden of responsibility for India's fortunes, as well as summarily dropped based on what he might (or might not) be able to do outside Asia. He will remain perhaps Virat Kohli's most important player.
For Sri Lanka, some considerable signs of promise amid the clanging post-Sangakkara alarm bells. Their pace attack collectively averaged 27, the first time Sri Lankan seamers have averaged under 30 in a Test series in 22 attempts dating back to 2009, when Nuwan Kulasekara and Thilan Thushara led them to a 2-0 win over Pakistan, and, un-coincidentally, Chaminda Vaas played his last Test (they had averaged under 30 in 16 out of 39 series over the previous 10 years). In the intervening 21 series, the Sri Lankan pacers had averaged almost 46, so even another home series defeat has at least provided some certifiably authentic straws at which to clutch, even as the heroic Angelo Mathews - averaging 70 in 19 Tests in the past two years - wakes up in a cold sweat on an almost nightly basis while having a recurring nightmare about walking in to bat at 25 for 3. Every innings. For the next ten years.
Some other statistical curiosities from the Ashes:
● Alastair Cook and Michael Clarke failed to trouble the honours boards, making it the first Ashes since 1981 without a captain's century.
● Clarke became the first Australian captain to play a complete Ashes without scoring 50 since Ian Johnson in 1956. Johnson was an offspinner. Not the ideal precedent.
● Clarke also became the first Australian top-six batsman to play through an entire Ashes series without even scoring a half-century since CL Badcock in the four-Test 1938 rubber (whose highest score was 9 in eight innings) (Twitter would have melted had it existed at the time). All in all, it was one of the least appropriate exits from the Test match stage for a player of Clarke's stature, a man who has played some of his era's defining innings, a captivating cricketer and captain of often radiant brilliance and occasionally patent flaws. However, he shares good company - Victor Trumper's highest score in 1905 was 31.
Adam Lyth matched Clarke's anti-achievement. England top-six batsmen playing entire fifty-free Ashes series is a rather more common occurrence, though these failures have mostly taken place away from home. Paul Collingwood did so in Australia in 2010-11, as did Allan Lamb in 1986-87, MJK Smith in 1965-66, and Cyril Washbrook in 1950-51. John Edrich played all five Tests in 1972 without reaching 50, but he did make 49 and 45 in the first innings of the two (low-scoring) matches that England won.
Moeen Ali became the first player to score 30 or more six times in a series when batting at eight or lower. Only two players had done so five times - Bert Oldfield, wicketkeeping wizard, for Australia in the 1924-25 Ashes, and Chaminda Vaas, who reached 30 five times in six innings in the three-Test series in England in 2006, in four of which he was left not out.
● The combined wicketkeepers of both sides averaged just 18.37, the worst in an Ashes since 1978-79 (which was not helped by the fact that Alan Knott and Rod Marsh were absent Packering).
Ben Stokes became the first England batsman to score three ducks batting in the top six in a home series. He too shares this dishonour with Trumper (1907-08 Ashes). And with Ponting (v Pakistan, 1999-2000).
● Stuart Broad's series-leading 21 wickets is the lowest highest-wickets tally in an Ashes since 1986-87. Ten different bowlers took ten or more wickets for only the third time in an Ashes series (after 1903-04 and 1954-55).

Andy Zaltzman is a stand-up comedian, a regular on BBC Radio 4, and a writer