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Confessions of an unconscious mind

Pakistan celebrate their first Test series win outside the subcontinent in seven years Getty Images

Choice of game
I'd been there for four bloody days, I wasn't going to leave now!

A confession
Okay, maybe I didn't watch all day there. The sun was hot, and after four days of wind, sunburn, sticky heat, rain, great cricket, average cricket, and the beating sun, I passed out in the bathrooms during the second session. This is a lot less rock and roll than it sounds. Our heroes, the paramedics, came and pronounced me as "too hot" and "too horizontal" and after some discussion as to whether hospital was in our mutual best interests (they said yes, I said HELL NO!) sent me home to watch the last session from the couch.

Key performer
Daniel Vettori. In that he bowled all day and didn't get any wickets. Didn't seem to like Kane Williamson at all. For some reason he had the first two overs with the new ball bowled by himself and Brent Arnel, the least threatening of the four quicks. Maybe he was addled by the heat too.

One thing I'd have changed
Apart from staying fully conscious, the last session. Even from my couch it looked dull. I got reports from the ground saying that watching the pickets spontaneously fall off the fence was the most exciting thing to happen. It would have been great for Pakistan to throw themselves at the total, have a real go, and maybe make themselves a bit vulnerable to getting out. You know, actually have a competition.

The interplay I enjoyed the most
One thing you get at home is close-ups - in this case, close-ups of Jesse Ryder cheerfully chatting away to the Pakistani batsmen. I'd like to think Jesse was offering advice on the sightseeing opportunities for the next few days in Wellington, rather than questioning anyone's parentage.

Wow moment
Tim Southee's first wicket. Wow, we were sure it was going to be a great day! Depressingly, it all went downhill from there.

Player watch
We got a lot of the bowlers at fine leg, being amusingly lanky in their fielding efforts and signing autographs for the kids. All together now… Aww.

Crowd meter
It was a great crowd as Wellingtonians came out for the last of their holidays and sat on the boundary and in the old stand. There were lots of picnickers on the bank and kids roaming around - and they were cheerful and well-behaved. Can't beat Wellington on a good day.

Food meter
Fail, Basin retailers, fail. We went from the weekend where there was the likes of a mobile deli and a delicious delicious curry vendor, to one caravan selling chips and battered hotdogs. Want a sammich? Sorry, you're out of luck.

Tests v limited-overs
Ah, well, yes. While I get five days in the sun not confined to a plastic seat, I sit for five days in the sun until I fall over. I'm a redhead. I was never meant to see the sun. A day-nighter will be a bit of a relief.

Accessories
Macintoshs! We did not offer them to Tim McIntosh. But we really wanted to. I don't think that makes us bad people, merely lovers of bad puns and yummy toffee.

Oh, and I got a Test shirt from my family, so I was kitted out in style.

Overall
Not my best day watching cricket, it must be said. But I now have a cracking tan, and an even more cracking headache. It was such a pity neither team could get up and win the game, and that it petered out into the averageness that has plagued the whole Test.

A word to fans of following
I'm really stoked how many people like these fan following reports. It makes me feel all shiny. But if you like them, please leave a comment down the bottom of the page. Please DON'T message me on Facebook, unless you want to offer me money to write things. (I'm good to exchange writing for cash.) It's getting a little weird, and my mum always told me not to talk to strangers.