November 27, 2012

England in India 2012-13

Foothold, chokehold, body slam

Andy Zaltzman
Sachin Tendulkar fell lbw to Monty Panesar, India v England, 2nd Test, Mumbai, 2nd day, November 25, 2012
India efficiently maximised their chances of failure, all in the interests of keeping the series good and alive  © BCCI
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One-all after two is the ideal beginning to any series. Apart, perhaps, in a distinctly non-cricketing sphere, from the Rest of the World v Germany and Friends series that scarred the early 20th century. When a 2-0 scoreline was applauded by most neutrals. Particularly after the Rest of the World had gone one-nil up.

Yesterday morning, India seemed to want to take no chances of leaving the rubber unappetisingly almost secure by snatching a miraculous victory, and comfortably avoided setting England an awkward target of 130 or 140 that might have prompted some jitters and some flashbacks to their 72-all-out debacle at the start of the year in Abu Dhabi. When, to make the parallels even more pertinent, an inexplicably-left-out-of-the-first-Test Monty Panesar had taken six second wickets to put his side in a winning position.

Another 70 runs could have made the match a tense affair, although England would have still been strong favourites not to repeat their disastrous freeze against Ajmal and Rehman. However, after the top order had been cauterised by some excellent deliveries and one horrific mishit, Ashwin, Harbhajan and Zaheer perished with injudicious strokes when a calmer, more patient approach might have helped Gambhir set England at least a nerve-inducing target. Might have, or might not have. They probably would still been bowled out for not very much.

But they maximised their chances of failure, before Gambhir entrusted Ojha with the task of smashing a quickfire 40 whilst he kept one end safe and let Ojha, the notoriously flamboyant Indian Garry Sobers, farm the strike. (I may have misread that situation, but that is how it appeared. It was hot, though, and I have pale skin and a very English body-thermostat.)

India did not exactly go down fighting. Although England had been fully whooped in the first Test, at least Cook and Prior’s second-innings rearguard had given them a foothold against the Indian spinners, which the captain and Pietersen then transformed into a chokehold on the Indian spinners in Mumbai, and a full body slam as KP cut loose with awesome power and control on the third day.

England were duly able to wrap up one of their finest Test victories of recent years under negative pressure, a superb performance driven by four players ‒ their two best batsmen of the last 25 years, and their two best spinners since Derek Underwood’s 1970s peak.

When you see Pietersen bat as he did in Ahmedabad, you think: “How on earth does this guy have a Test average of just under 50?” Then, when you see him bat as he did in Mumbai, you think: “How on earth does this guy only have a Test average of just under 50?” This year has been an extraordinary one for England’s flawed, brilliant superstar.

India have major problems. Their batting looks frail, Pujara aside, and their bowling appears confused and worryingly blunt. Dhoni seems to lack faith in his two most experienced bowlers, the mystifyingly underused Zaheer, who extracted an edge from Cook late on day two and was economical throughout, and the returning Harbhajan. Between them, they bowled fewer overs than either Ojha or the decreasingly effective Ashwin.

● Panesar restarted the trend of bearded Englishmen taking ten or more wickets in Wankhede Tests. Admittedly this was a trend that lasted for only one Test, in 1980, when Ian Botham gave the cricketing world what is far and away the greatest single all-round Test match performance in the history of humanity – 13 for 106 (ten of them top-seven batsmen), and 114 runs off 144 balls, after coming in with England struggling at 57 for 4 (soon 58 for 5), in a match in which no other batsman reached 50.

Monty, not entirely unexpectedly, contributed rather less with the bat – although the abject failure of India’s tail to even contemplate wagging denied him the opportunity to smash a match-winning day five century (stranger things have happened) (let me correct that, stranger things have not happened). And, to be fair to the would-be-allrounder Monty did score at a faster strike rate even than the mighty Botham in his two-ball innings of 4.

● The Test matches in Mumbai and Adelaide have generated statistics like an out-of-control helicopter in a jelly factory generates mess. For example, India’s less-than-flawless second innings in Mumbai was the first time in Test history that seven batsmen have been out in single figures but for more than 5. Only once before in 7290 Test innings have more than five players been out for between 6 and 9, and the previous Indian record for “unconverted microstarts” is four. There you go. That’s one for you to use as a conversation-starter at a party.

Furthermore, in Adelaide, South Africa lasted 762 balls after losing their fourth wicket, obliterating the previous record fourth-innings middle-and-lower-order rearguard length, a barely noticeable 586 balls by Pakistan as they subsided in slow motion to defeat in Galle earlier this year. That nugget of information might be more appropriate in breaking the awkward silence at a wedding after the bride has sprinted out screaming, “No, no, I can’t do it, I know a bet is a bet, but this is the worst mistake I’ve ever made.”

These are just two of the deluge of stats emerging from the last few days of cricket. I will share more of them with you in the World Cricket Podcast later this week, when I attempt to set a new world record for Most Cricket Stats Delivered in 90 Seconds. Strap in. It will be like Usain Bolt in the Beijing Olympics, but more exciting.

Andy Zaltzman is a stand-up comedian, a regular on the BBC Radio 4, and a writer

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Posted by Venky on (December 1, 2012, 20:01 GMT)

I watched that one-off Golden Jubilee test at the Wankhede on TV. Some curious facts (not all mentioned in the reports):

a. Gavaskar hit a six on the opening day of the test (not an everyday occurrence) b. Botham ran a fever through most of the test. The commentators mentioned this. c. In India's second innings, Botham opened the bowling with Lever and bowled 26 overs. Unchanged. The total number of overs bowled by the other bowlers is 26.1. The guy (the Gorilla) was not taken off. He did not go inside to have a drink or a break. After taking 6 wickets in the first innings and scoring a century, he came back and bowled unchanged for 26 overs in the second innings. My fingers tremble even as I type this. d. England would probably still have won the match but with some difficulty if India's captain Vishwanath had not recalled Taylor after he was given out caught behind. Only Vishwanath could have recalled a batsman who was given out caught. He was not captain for very long after that.

Posted by mark on (November 29, 2012, 16:59 GMT)

You to me are everything,tge sweetest song that i can sing, oh Andy, oh Andy

Posted by R2 on (November 28, 2012, 3:53 GMT)

Good and interesting stats. Two good test matches in Oz and India. England and South Africa must both be feeling good about their chances.

Posted by Vikram on (November 28, 2012, 3:40 GMT)

Come on Andy, I was expecting a reference to Gary Kirsten when you described the South African stonewalling marathon.

Posted by Harshad K Trivedi on (November 27, 2012, 17:09 GMT)

To look back at the Test match no. 2 I think the turning point of the game was when Dhoni took the second new ball as soon as Ashwin got Cook out with the old ball. He should have persisted with old one as Ashwin might have produced more wickets with the old ball. with softer ball it would have been difficult for new comers. At times he has done this during the England tour also. I think it was Mishra who had got a wicket and was immediately removed from attack or things to that effect with some bowler.

Posted by SSH on (November 27, 2012, 13:25 GMT)

Both the games have one thing common and that is team effort. Test match is not an easy game to play or just single handed win, its always been team spirit. In case of Aus Vs SA both have shown their spirit but on the other hand Ind has failed to show their true temperament. I am sure they will learn from their mistakes. They have opened the doors for Eng and Eng has seen the opportunity and took advantage. Let see what happens in next test match. I hope Ind do not disappoint their home fan in a similar fashion they have done overseas in Aus and Eng. As a cricket fan I like to see the positive come back from Indian super star.

Posted by nabankur on (November 27, 2012, 12:45 GMT)

Dear Mr Zaltzman, Your overwhelming reaction to England's win is justified , since in the last 20 yrs England has such pathetic ( to say the least) performances one after another , the lottery of success they are enjoying in the past 2 yrs is truely heart warming to say the least.The only caution I want to express to you & all your fellow English reporters who are going overboard on England's victory is , the WICKETS ARE GIFTED BY INDIA.Let me elucidate it .India wanted to be too agressive with England spinner , on the contrary it should have been the oppossite ,they should have been a bit cautious on a wearing Wankhade pitch, rather than driving Panesar or Swan on a wearing pitch they should have come to the pitch of the delivery every time & smother the spin, & if required hit the loose delivery.Indians know this art , so be rest assured the remaining 2 matches India will not repeat the same mistake & will come heavily on England.

Posted by Gopala Krishnan H A on (November 27, 2012, 9:55 GMT)

Did anybody else notice anything really funny in that pic above? (Hint : Monty Panesar)

Posted by Ayesh Ali MOndal on (November 27, 2012, 9:28 GMT)

I think Mr Sachin Tendulkar is to be questined himself about retirement & let the talenetd young players to come & play for india. One cant survive depending on past records.you need to perform regular basis then only you can serve indaia---this shuld be the life line of indian cricket.

Posted by Shriram Venkatraman on (November 27, 2012, 9:19 GMT)

I could not help but kept laughing through out. Indian cricket ripped off...

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Andy Zaltzman
Andy Zaltzman was born in obscurity in 1974. He has been a sporadically-acclaimed stand-up comedian since 1999, and has appeared regularly on BBC Radio 4. He is currently one half of TimesOnline's hit satirical podcast The Bugle, alongside John Oliver. Zaltzman's love of cricket outshone his aptitude for the game by a humiliating margin. He once scored 6 in 75 minutes in an Under-15 match, and failed to hit a six between the ages of 9 and 23. He would have been ideally suited to Tests, had not a congenital defect left him unable to play the game to anything above genuine village standard. He writes the Confectionery Stall blog on Cricinfo.

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