"Normally the Poms rely on pitches that have not had a drink for longer than Bob Hawke or else have been affected by the sort of disease normally found only among Ukrainian politicians."
Peter Roebuck reflects on the pitches prepared for the Ashes and how Australia were done in on firm surfaces
"There were two sections up at the southern end that were also like putty. It was unacceptable wicket preparation and a bit disappointing for the players. It was embarrassing."
Blunt talking from an unnamed official of Cricket Australia about the poor MCG pitch on Boxing Day
"It is Warne who regularly does the moves with field positions and he constantly tries to prescribe to Ponting what to do. He is a real old showman who wants the attention to be focused on him all the time."
Graeme Smith hits back at Shane Warne and suggests Warne covets captaincy
"Shahid Afridi did nothing worse last week than 99% of professional cricketers have been guilty of doing at some stage of their careers. His mistake was to get caught. Every cricket team I played in discussed, at some stage, how to scuff up a pitch on a spinner's length."
Mike Atherton puts pitch-scuffing in context
"Bill Lawry is just a one-eyed old fart: not worth feeding or getting worked up about ... life is too short to endure Mr [Tony] Greig at any hour, much less before breakfast."
South African writer Telford Vice lets rip against couple of commentators
"I am heartbroken ... this is like an attempt to end my career."
Shabbir Ahmed reacts to being handed a one-year ban by the ICC following his action being reported for a second time
"People have a pop at the ICC. We don't mind that as long as its constructive."
ICC president Ehsan Mani reacts to recent criticism over Zimbabwe, sledging, supersubs, Powerplays ...
"Jennings was to orthodoxy what King Herod was to child-minding."
Mike Atherton reviews 2005 and mentions Ray Jennings' less-than-standard method of coaching
"Every demagogue in town has vented his spleen. Every Tom, Dick and Soumitra has voiced an opinion."
Peter Roebuck on the hysterical reaction accompanying Sourav Ganguly's exclusion
"He said I looked like Tarzan, and wondered how I could bowl fast looking like that."
Shoaib Akhtar reveals how Andrew Flintoff inadvertently boosted his will to win
"They do nothing about blokes chucking, they do nothing about all this other stuff; they are more worried about words, that is all they are, full of words, the ICC. They always look like they are doing something but they do nothing. They are the biggest bullshitters in the world. What a waste of space."
Former Aussie paceman Jeff Thomson sets out his bid for a place on the ICC executive board
"We left Downing Street and there was a lot of photographers. He said: 'What do they want?' So I looked at him and said: 'A photo, you knob!'"
Matthew Hoggard jokes on They Think It's All Over about what he said during a spot of post-Ashes hobnobbing with Tony Blair at Downing Street
"Quite a few Pakistani players used to drink maybe three or four years ago but now the team is more religious and alcohol is never allowed."
Azhar Mahmood on Pakistan's new approach
"I hope it will be quick - that will turn me on. I enjoy pace."
AB de Villiers hopes for a pacy pitch for the first Test at Perth
"We don't want cricket being reduced to a level where it turns into a hooligans' sport and the spirit of the game is eroded. We can't have a situation like we see in football."
ICC president Ehsan Mani shows he is not a great supporter of the beautiful game
"They might need one by the time we've finished with them."
Shane Warne approves of South Africa's plans to fly a psychologist from Johannesburg to motivate the players before the first Test at Perth
"I am against the ICC. The reason is it's run by all the goras [whites]."
Wasim Akram makes a comment that would get others in deep trouble. It also ignores the way the ICC is made up. Aside from that, nothing controversial
"Life without sport is like life without underpants."
Life according to Billy "Y-front" Bowden
"Apples being thrown at your head is something we don't want to happen in cricket."
Brett Lee states the bleeding obvious
"If you're playing a big match you shouldn't be breaking your sleep. Do they not regard Pakistan as a threat? I'm sure the players will all put their hands up and say it didn't affect them, but how the hell do they know? The two guys who went to bed and had eight hours sleep batted very well."
Geoff Boycott on the wisdom of Andrew Flintoff getting up at 3am to accept the BBC Sports Personality of the Year award. Hours later Flintoff made 0 against Pakistan