August 23, 2013

Kerrigan's dream turned nightmare

Why does a cricketer's long-cherished hope of performing on the biggest stage often crumble on the big day?
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The sight of Simon Kerrigan bowling on day one of his Test debut made spectators stare at him in disbelief, then condemn his selection, and later feel sorry for the poor lad. His cherished childhood dream, of playing for England, had turned into a nightmare on his first day at the office.

The knowledge that many of his senior colleagues either boast Test centuries on debut, or remarkable bowling figures, must have weighed heavy too. That mindset of inflated expectations and fear of failure can affect a debutant horribly sometimes.

Kerrigan's first over went for ten runs; his next two included a huge full toss and a half-tracker that made him look woefully out of place. A stage as big as the Ashes can trigger a terrible chain of slip-ups, one leading to the next: a nasty trap with no exit.

On the one hand, the fantasy of playing for the country is so vivid and the visualisation so real, you as a debutant can almost feel your team-mates giving you high fives and the crowd standing up to applaud. On the other hand, you spend sleepless nights, twisting and turning, mulling over the possibility of being dismissed first ball, or getting hit for a four.

Days before the debut, you wear the team kit and stand in front of the mirror in the confines of your room, practising. While you're busy appreciating the gleaming national emblem on the breast of your t-shirt, performance anxiety, quite unnoticed, finds a way into the mindset. The cheers and applause you imagined are replaced by murmurs and disapproval. Doubt makes an unwelcome appearance, and pressure starts to make itself felt.

Thoughts of what if things go wrong, what if the ball doesn't come out right from the hand, what if my feet don't move when the bowler delivers, start surfacing. The more you try to shoo them away, the stronger they become. You know that you must break the chain and sleep peacefully on the eve of the game, but that's the last thing that happens. The thought of realising your dream keeps you awake, till exhaustion - emotional and physical - takes over and you crash.

Some top athletes foresee this predicament and train themselves to deal with it. Indian Olympic gold medalist shooter Abhinav Bindra stayed up many nights in the run-up to the big event. He knew that sleep might desert him on the eve of the big final, and so he meticulously prepared himself to perform in spite of a lack of sleep. As he had guessed, he couldn't sleep the night before his big performance in Beijing, but that didn't affect his performance.

Sachin Tendulkar, too, didn't sleep well for about a fortnight leading into the match against Pakistan in the 2003 World Cup. If performance anxiety can keep seasoned sportsmen on edge, spare a thought for Kerrigan, who was thrown into one of the most high-profile Tests of the year on debut.

Thoughts of what if things go wrong, what if the ball doesn't come out right from the hand, what if my feet don't move when the bowler delivers, start surfacing. The more you try to shoo them away, the stronger they become

For him, the morning of the match, the warm-ups, the presentation of the cap, must have all passed in a jiffy. One moment you are warming up, the next you have a bat or ball in hand, practising your skill set, and then, before you've absorbed the first few drills, the captains are out in the middle for the toss. One part of you wants proceedings to slow down so you can soak it all in, the other part, impatient and excited, wants to get it all over and done with as soon as possible. Then you're there, in the middle, 45,000 pairs of eyes watching your every move. In theory you're with ten other men of your clan; in reality you're alone.

I distinctly remember playing my first ball on my Test debut. Even though I felt reasonably well prepared, I prayed I would not get out first ball. A part of me felt paralysed with anxiety. I'm glad the other part was still awake and helped me take a single off the first ball. A monkey the size of a dinosaur was off my back. Looking back at it, what if I had played and missed for a while and hadn't got a single for the first 25 balls? I'm certain I would have melted under the pressure and played a rash shot.

That was what happened to Kerrigan, unfortunately. Shane Watson, in imperious mood, went after the debutant, and he didn't know how to react. A man who had bowled over 9000 balls in first-class cricket and had taken 164 wickets ended up bowling chin-high full tosses and long hops.

It could possibly have been Kerrigan's worst-ever bowling spell at any level, and unfortunately it came in the biggest match of his career, in front of a packed house. Stage fright took control of him and the dream turned into a nightmare in the space of 12 balls. His past stats report that Kerrigan has been a much better bowler than what we saw on the first day at The Oval. But it will require a miracle comeback from him in this Test, or immense faith from the selectors and captain to restore his confidence.

He may still be able to turn it around, for a bowler doesn't only get six opportunities in an over but also many overs to bowl in a match. However, that also means that you stand to be exposed many times over, as opposed to a batsman, whose misery might last only a few balls.

The great Shane Warne and many others have recovered from forgettable debuts. Simon Kerrigan would want to find consolation in that, and the famous Zen saying, "The arrow that hits the bull's eye is the result of one hundred misses."

Former India opener Aakash Chopra is the author of Out of the Blue, an account of Rajasthan's 2010-11 Ranji Trophy victory. His website is here and his Twitter feed here

Comments have now been closed for this article

  • POSTED BY sdavmor on | August 23, 2013, 5:56 GMT

    Very well said, Mr. Chopra. You are an insightful credit to sports journalism as much as you were a fine and thoughtful cricketer. I thought that Kerrigan was being thrown unfairly in the deep end, without the benefit of a couple of Lions tours overseas and introduction to the England setup via a few ODIs. While he clearly had as gigantic a case of stage-fright as anyone in international cricket in as far back as I can recall, of greater concern to me is that on D2 his captain didn't give him the ball for even a 4 over spell to show that the yips were behind him. Hopefully he will get a chance in the second Aussie innings to make amends. If not, the most highly touted young English spinner for a long while may become nothing more than a sports trivia joke punch line.

  • POSTED BY disco_bob on | August 24, 2013, 6:32 GMT

    It's a nice article and is best taken as a typical example of how it feels. Separately though, with regards to Kerrigan, as an Australian who has has to witness a fair bit of luck going England's way to be 3-0 up, I must cruelly confess to not having any sympathy at all towards Kerrigan, because I know that if he had done well and it was Lyon who humiliated himself, England would not care a hoot. England have cynically prepared what they thought would be a wicket to assist their chosen two spinners so Kerrigan is only eating the supper that England served him.

  • POSTED BY on | August 24, 2013, 5:48 GMT

    Nice article Aakash. But this is not the first time Kerrigan would be playing in a high profile match, isnt it? My guess is he either has high anxiety attacks or did not prepare mentally enough for the big game --- either way it reflects poorly on his preparedness to play international cricket in future

  • POSTED BY DesPlatt on | August 23, 2013, 20:53 GMT

    Good article and lots of good comments here ; a nice contrast to some awful journalism the last few days ( not on this site I'm pleased to add) and some dreadful comments. I've seen a lot of Simon Kerrigan; in club cricket and at county level and in his short career he has already shown the ability to bounce back from some lows as well as not to get carried away by some amazing highs. I'm a big fan and ever since I saw him bowl his first spell in first class cricket, I've always felt a first cap was only a matter of time; nevertheless, I felt this was two years too early; I expected him to be third choice for two to three more years. This low will be much tougher to come back from ; I pray he can do it.

  • POSTED BY on | August 23, 2013, 17:01 GMT

    Doubtless Engaland's greatest run-getter, Graham Gooch, who is part of the coaching set-up, will console Kerrigan with the fact that he made a pair on his debut.

  • POSTED BY bhadales on | August 23, 2013, 12:28 GMT

    Very well written as always. For the past two days everything has been so harsh on Kerrigan. Words like nightmare, horror being thrown all over the web, few going ahead to call it a joke. Things can go wrong anytime, with anyone. He's young, still learning. Such criticism on the first match of his career is uncalled for. The match isn't over yet. How he learns for his mistakes, and moves ahead will be something to watch out for.

  • POSTED BY ScottStevo on | August 23, 2013, 11:42 GMT

    @MrKricket, classic! My mates always discuss Trimble's debut - it's folklore!. I'm not even sure any of his first few deliveries hit the strip! It has to be the worst debut every! That said, I'm not sure he played much after, if ever...

  • POSTED BY HughL on | August 23, 2013, 11:07 GMT

    I really dislike the type pf modern sports fan who categorises every player as a 'hero or zero'. Happily there are less in cricket than other sports, reflecting the fact that cricket is an individual game played in a team context. There's nowhere to hide and you feel that you let the team down.

    I hope Kerrigan can come back to Tests again- he might even get a chance to bowl in the second innings, although I think David Saker is being abit too optmistc hoping that eh might bowl England to a win!

  • POSTED BY ab_cricket on | August 23, 2013, 6:09 GMT

    This is where the captain is very important. I think Cook should show some faith in him in the second innings. It would do a world of good for the young man even if he doesn't pick any wickets.

  • POSTED BY MAK123 on | August 23, 2013, 5:50 GMT

    Why can't you guys leave that poor soul alone and let him reflect? Why do you have to rub it into him again and again? Why is every second Cricinfo columnist being an ambulance chaser?

  • POSTED BY sdavmor on | August 23, 2013, 5:56 GMT

    Very well said, Mr. Chopra. You are an insightful credit to sports journalism as much as you were a fine and thoughtful cricketer. I thought that Kerrigan was being thrown unfairly in the deep end, without the benefit of a couple of Lions tours overseas and introduction to the England setup via a few ODIs. While he clearly had as gigantic a case of stage-fright as anyone in international cricket in as far back as I can recall, of greater concern to me is that on D2 his captain didn't give him the ball for even a 4 over spell to show that the yips were behind him. Hopefully he will get a chance in the second Aussie innings to make amends. If not, the most highly touted young English spinner for a long while may become nothing more than a sports trivia joke punch line.

  • POSTED BY disco_bob on | August 24, 2013, 6:32 GMT

    It's a nice article and is best taken as a typical example of how it feels. Separately though, with regards to Kerrigan, as an Australian who has has to witness a fair bit of luck going England's way to be 3-0 up, I must cruelly confess to not having any sympathy at all towards Kerrigan, because I know that if he had done well and it was Lyon who humiliated himself, England would not care a hoot. England have cynically prepared what they thought would be a wicket to assist their chosen two spinners so Kerrigan is only eating the supper that England served him.

  • POSTED BY on | August 24, 2013, 5:48 GMT

    Nice article Aakash. But this is not the first time Kerrigan would be playing in a high profile match, isnt it? My guess is he either has high anxiety attacks or did not prepare mentally enough for the big game --- either way it reflects poorly on his preparedness to play international cricket in future

  • POSTED BY DesPlatt on | August 23, 2013, 20:53 GMT

    Good article and lots of good comments here ; a nice contrast to some awful journalism the last few days ( not on this site I'm pleased to add) and some dreadful comments. I've seen a lot of Simon Kerrigan; in club cricket and at county level and in his short career he has already shown the ability to bounce back from some lows as well as not to get carried away by some amazing highs. I'm a big fan and ever since I saw him bowl his first spell in first class cricket, I've always felt a first cap was only a matter of time; nevertheless, I felt this was two years too early; I expected him to be third choice for two to three more years. This low will be much tougher to come back from ; I pray he can do it.

  • POSTED BY on | August 23, 2013, 17:01 GMT

    Doubtless Engaland's greatest run-getter, Graham Gooch, who is part of the coaching set-up, will console Kerrigan with the fact that he made a pair on his debut.

  • POSTED BY bhadales on | August 23, 2013, 12:28 GMT

    Very well written as always. For the past two days everything has been so harsh on Kerrigan. Words like nightmare, horror being thrown all over the web, few going ahead to call it a joke. Things can go wrong anytime, with anyone. He's young, still learning. Such criticism on the first match of his career is uncalled for. The match isn't over yet. How he learns for his mistakes, and moves ahead will be something to watch out for.

  • POSTED BY ScottStevo on | August 23, 2013, 11:42 GMT

    @MrKricket, classic! My mates always discuss Trimble's debut - it's folklore!. I'm not even sure any of his first few deliveries hit the strip! It has to be the worst debut every! That said, I'm not sure he played much after, if ever...

  • POSTED BY HughL on | August 23, 2013, 11:07 GMT

    I really dislike the type pf modern sports fan who categorises every player as a 'hero or zero'. Happily there are less in cricket than other sports, reflecting the fact that cricket is an individual game played in a team context. There's nowhere to hide and you feel that you let the team down.

    I hope Kerrigan can come back to Tests again- he might even get a chance to bowl in the second innings, although I think David Saker is being abit too optmistc hoping that eh might bowl England to a win!

  • POSTED BY ab_cricket on | August 23, 2013, 6:09 GMT

    This is where the captain is very important. I think Cook should show some faith in him in the second innings. It would do a world of good for the young man even if he doesn't pick any wickets.

  • POSTED BY MAK123 on | August 23, 2013, 5:50 GMT

    Why can't you guys leave that poor soul alone and let him reflect? Why do you have to rub it into him again and again? Why is every second Cricinfo columnist being an ambulance chaser?

  • POSTED BY MrKricket on | August 23, 2013, 5:21 GMT

    Someone should show him Glenn Trimble's debut for Australia in a ODI in the 80s. He was an allrounder apparently and scratched around for 0 not out in the Aus innings but when he came on to bowl it made Kerrigan look like a master. Full tosses, bean balls, barely a ball on the pitch. I don't think he ever bowled or played again.

    I just checked the Cricinfo records and he did play one other game but the stats don't look good. http://www.espncricinfo.com/ci/content/player/7970.html Look up "Glenn Trimble" on Youtube for a taste. Kerrigan got off lightly!

  • POSTED BY Brownly on | August 23, 2013, 4:41 GMT

    A fantastic read. In amongst the stats, so and so went for so many runs, it can be easy to forget the human element in the story.

    Perhaps Kerrigan looked to his opposite number - Nathan Lyon - and wondered how he got such a dream debut.

  • POSTED BY tao_warrior1 on | August 23, 2013, 4:17 GMT

    I really like Aakash Chopra's writings - he beings in an empathetic understanding of the context and a degree of reflexivity that makes it a pleasure to go through his perspectives. Well written sir! and i share the hope that he makes it through the test match with a good performance.

  • POSTED BY tao_warrior1 on | August 23, 2013, 4:17 GMT

    I really like Aakash Chopra's writings - he beings in an empathetic understanding of the context and a degree of reflexivity that makes it a pleasure to go through his perspectives. Well written sir! and i share the hope that he makes it through the test match with a good performance.

  • POSTED BY Brownly on | August 23, 2013, 4:41 GMT

    A fantastic read. In amongst the stats, so and so went for so many runs, it can be easy to forget the human element in the story.

    Perhaps Kerrigan looked to his opposite number - Nathan Lyon - and wondered how he got such a dream debut.

  • POSTED BY MrKricket on | August 23, 2013, 5:21 GMT

    Someone should show him Glenn Trimble's debut for Australia in a ODI in the 80s. He was an allrounder apparently and scratched around for 0 not out in the Aus innings but when he came on to bowl it made Kerrigan look like a master. Full tosses, bean balls, barely a ball on the pitch. I don't think he ever bowled or played again.

    I just checked the Cricinfo records and he did play one other game but the stats don't look good. http://www.espncricinfo.com/ci/content/player/7970.html Look up "Glenn Trimble" on Youtube for a taste. Kerrigan got off lightly!

  • POSTED BY MAK123 on | August 23, 2013, 5:50 GMT

    Why can't you guys leave that poor soul alone and let him reflect? Why do you have to rub it into him again and again? Why is every second Cricinfo columnist being an ambulance chaser?

  • POSTED BY ab_cricket on | August 23, 2013, 6:09 GMT

    This is where the captain is very important. I think Cook should show some faith in him in the second innings. It would do a world of good for the young man even if he doesn't pick any wickets.

  • POSTED BY HughL on | August 23, 2013, 11:07 GMT

    I really dislike the type pf modern sports fan who categorises every player as a 'hero or zero'. Happily there are less in cricket than other sports, reflecting the fact that cricket is an individual game played in a team context. There's nowhere to hide and you feel that you let the team down.

    I hope Kerrigan can come back to Tests again- he might even get a chance to bowl in the second innings, although I think David Saker is being abit too optmistc hoping that eh might bowl England to a win!

  • POSTED BY ScottStevo on | August 23, 2013, 11:42 GMT

    @MrKricket, classic! My mates always discuss Trimble's debut - it's folklore!. I'm not even sure any of his first few deliveries hit the strip! It has to be the worst debut every! That said, I'm not sure he played much after, if ever...

  • POSTED BY bhadales on | August 23, 2013, 12:28 GMT

    Very well written as always. For the past two days everything has been so harsh on Kerrigan. Words like nightmare, horror being thrown all over the web, few going ahead to call it a joke. Things can go wrong anytime, with anyone. He's young, still learning. Such criticism on the first match of his career is uncalled for. The match isn't over yet. How he learns for his mistakes, and moves ahead will be something to watch out for.

  • POSTED BY on | August 23, 2013, 17:01 GMT

    Doubtless Engaland's greatest run-getter, Graham Gooch, who is part of the coaching set-up, will console Kerrigan with the fact that he made a pair on his debut.

  • POSTED BY DesPlatt on | August 23, 2013, 20:53 GMT

    Good article and lots of good comments here ; a nice contrast to some awful journalism the last few days ( not on this site I'm pleased to add) and some dreadful comments. I've seen a lot of Simon Kerrigan; in club cricket and at county level and in his short career he has already shown the ability to bounce back from some lows as well as not to get carried away by some amazing highs. I'm a big fan and ever since I saw him bowl his first spell in first class cricket, I've always felt a first cap was only a matter of time; nevertheless, I felt this was two years too early; I expected him to be third choice for two to three more years. This low will be much tougher to come back from ; I pray he can do it.