The Heavy Ball

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The week on Twitter

'Slept like a baby!'

If you haven't subscribed to Kemar Roach's Twitter feed yet, you're not living life to its fullest

Alex Bowden

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Alec Stewart at Tom Maynard's funeral, Cardiff, July 4, 2012
When do the old bones creak more - when you get to 50 or when you get to 50? © PA Photos
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This week's Twitter round-up features electrifying updates from the IPL teams, a carefree attitude to the preservation of one's vehicle, and food destruction going up a notch. We also learn a thing or two about hashtags #butnothinguseful.

The IPL
It's here. Follow the franchises' official Twitter feeds to fill your timeline with gold such as this:

"Come on RCBians! Make some noise! RCB RCB RCB RCB RCB RCB RCB RCB RCB. #RCB"
@RCBTweets

And this:

"How's the mood #Warriors! Are YOU ready to #RoarLikeAWarrior ? #PWI"
@punewarriorsipl

And this:

"So we have a break in play because of the excessive number of moths on the field! We will be back to the action shortly! #RR"
@rajasthanroyals

The half century
Alec Stewart turned 50 this week. Matt Prior congratulated him.

"Happy 50th birthday @StewieCricket. not gonna make any silly 'raising ur bat' comments but hope u have a good one! #legend"
@MattPrior13

Shane Warne also congratulated him.

"@StewieCricket Raise the bat Stewie !! Happy birthday buddy..."
@warne888

The coach
Kevin Pietersen has some advice.

"My tip to all batters as the season starts - if in doubt, hit it into the car park!"
@kevinpp24

What if that's where you yourself have parked, which is incredibly likely? If you keep the ball down, you can't be caught out, nor will you have to pay for a new windscreen.

The popularity contest
Paul Collingwood had a rude awakening.

"#wehatecollingwood trending?! Not nice to wake up to!! #harshbutfair"
@Colly622

It was a reference to the Aussie Rules team. Paul decided that he didn't like them either because they play in black and white stripes like Newcastle FC.

The film review
Surrey's Steve Davies watched a classic.

"Karate kid part 3, absolute classic! #danielson"
@SteveDavies43

No, wait. Karate Kid - absolute classic. Karate Kid part three - insipid follow-up.

Tino Best's modesty corner
Tino's started using his own name as a hashtag.

"The pitch in trinidad hmmmm interesting #tinobest #pace"
@tinobest

It's referring-to-yourself-in-the-third-person-for-the-internet age.

Life with Kemar Roach
Hold tight. Kemar's been on a real rollercoaster ride since we last checked in with him.

"Sooo Loving Life Right Now!"
@KemarAJR

"Another Great Day! Looking Forward For Tomorrow!"

"Slept Like A Baby!"

"These Are Definitely The Happier Times Of My Life!"

"Had A Pretty Boring Day!"

"Long Day! Nice Shower Now And Some Relaxation!"

"Definitely Made My Day Better!"

"Damn, Today Is A Hot Day!"

"Boring Sunday!"

A downbeat way to end the week, but never mind - the evidence suggests that things will pick up again.

What's your philosophy?
South Africa's Colin Ingram.

"The richest man is not he who has the most, but he who needs the least. #DontDieWondering"
@CAIngram41

Learn from the best, Colin. Shaun Pollock would never employ an entirely irrelevant hashtag.

Nando's Watch
Niall O'Brien doesn't want to embrace treachery until all the facts are in.

"need this answered plz folks. Do McDonalds charge you to eat in? Ie is a big mac meal more expensive if your eating in?"
@niallobiobrien

Don't commit to a change until you've got something in writing, Niall.

Smashwatch
What does Luke Pomersbach do to a buffet?

"Just gave the buffet at my hotel in Punjab a serious touch up for the first time, Not sure they are keen on seeing me again! #kidcaneat"
@Lukepomersbach7

That was an unexpected turn of phrase.

Totalannihilationwatch
Kemar Roach has raised the bar.

"I Gine Home Now And Mash Up My Mother Sunday Food! #TotalAnnihilation"

RSS FeedAlex Bowden blogs at King Cricket

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