Ryder takes blame for negative perception

Jesse Ryder's life and career have been a series of screaming headlines. Some of the recent headlines are: "Ryder has to help himself, says Greatbatch"; "Ryder in trouble for late night noise"; "Ryder feared for his career after hotel incident"; "Team manager pardons Ryder for abuse".

Ryder knows his past will shadow him wherever he goes. And it did in Ahmedabad, in India, where he is based now at the start of a tough series. Most questions were about his off-field troubles. At one point, his manager Dave Currie, the same man who had "pardoned" Ryder for abuse, even butted in to stop that line of questioning, but Ryder said he was ready to tackle it.

Does he get tired of being reminded of his problems? "Oh yes. It does get tiring when you come into a big series like this and people focus on my negatives," Ryder said. "But it's been like that all through my career. But I have brought it upon myself by the way I have behaved. That's the past, I am trying to move on, become a better player and become a better person."

It cannot be easy. Ryder says he is trying hard. "I have been off alcohol for probably the last 100 days. And I can see the results in the nets. I can see that my concentration levels and focus have increased. I have been so much clearer than what I would be if I were doing all those things. I have dealt with all the personal stuff. I have taken things in my head and dealt with them off the field. That's why I am back in the Test side now. I have been preparing hard. I am trying to be more professional, training harder, keeping away from all the bad habits that I used to get into."

For many it's the same old story. Ryder has been off alcohol in the past as well. They won't believe he has changed unless he manages to avoid featuring in headlines for the wrong reasons. He knows that and says he can't change his past or the perception about him. More importantly, he says he wants to change for himself and not in order to improve others' image of him. He agreed with his coach Mark Greatbatch's assessment that only he can help himself change.

"It's always on me, on my shoulders. Me being young and silly, I didn't take the advice. But now I know how much I love the game and how much I want to play for the country. Things have changed. Every time I step on to the cricket field, I enjoy myself and I realise where I want to be - out there playing cricket. These are the moments you want to play for; you come to India and play against the amazing team they have at the moment. These are the challenges I am looking forward to."

Ryder said he has prepared for the tour by watching his old videos against India; he hit his maiden hundred and double-ton against India in the 2009 series. "I saw what I did well over there, what mental frame I was in then. It's a big confidence-booster to know you have hit 200 against these guys. But home turf is going to be different challenge. My preparation is keeping it simple; see the ball, hit the ball and keep things in control.

"My main goal is to just to stick to my game plan; the way it's going in nets, I don't see any reason why I can't continue like that and reproduce it in the match."

Unfortunate it may be, but the story always returns to Ryder the man more than Ryder the batsman. Does he fear that if he slips up again he might not get another chance from the New Zealand board? "Hopefully there won't be any more instances." And he then added, "We won't know, will we?"