Dear John / Owais / Straussy

The England captain looked out of the dressing-room window. The rain pattered diligently on the glass. From next door, he could hear excited gabbling in what sounded like Dutch. Some of the new England middle-order recruits talking about their schooldays together in Biltongsdorp? No. Not Afrikaans. This was actual Dutch.

Andrew Strauss sighed. A rain-affected Happy Shopper Pro40 clash between Middlesex and the Netherlands at Lord's: it was all a far cry from the scenes in the Caribbean.

He put down his book - Alastair Cook's latest gripping autobiography, No Essex Please, I'm An England Captain. He just couldn't get through it, although he always tried to read the fellows' books and Twitterings, keep up with what the troops were thinking. He looked out of the window some more.

Owais Shah came in, carrying a tray of lemon barley waters.

"Bit chilly for a round of the old LBW, what Shah?" said Strauss.

"Sorry sir," said Shah. "It's just become second nature to me now. Every time I hear England mentioned, I'm gripped with a powerful desire to carry cooling drinks around."

"Oh, don't talk about England, for God's sake," said Strauss. "Some oiks in the papers are even speculating as to whether I'll get back in the team for Bangladesh."

"You're planning on travelling to Bangladesh, sir?" said Shah. "Shall I lay out our safari suits?"

"No don't be a clot, Owais," said Strauss. "They're coming here to play. Do try to keep up."

"In big cricket?" asked Shah.

"Yes, yes," said Strauss. "Tests, one-dayers, all that sort of jazz. Not this Twenty20 rubbish that any fool could captain a winning team in, although obviously one is delighted for Colly and grateful for all the hard work he's put in before his resumption of his rightful place in the ranks."

"Nobody told me," said Shah. "I was told that there weren't any England games for ages and ages and just to go back to Middlesex and work hard on my skills and my chance would come."

"Yes…" said Strauss. "Erm, that's right, Owais old chap. Absolutely."

"Oh, I nearly forgot," said Shah. "We've both got a letter. Looks like they're from the ECB."

Strauss looked alarmed. Shah had already ripped open the envelope and was reading it out. Strauss did the same.

"Dear INSERT NAME OF ENGLAND PLAYER

The selectors would like to thank you for all your hard work for the national side over the last few years and want to reassure you that you are very much still in our plans for the future…"

"Oh, I know this thing," said Owais. "I get these every few months. It's a positive sign. We can work on our skills together, Straussy. And then when England start playing matches again, we'll be there or thereabouts to put our hand up."

Strauss swallowed hard. Robotically he moved towards the tray of lemon barley waters. Perhaps that five-month layoff had recharged the batteries a little too much…