Duckworth and Lewis and the case of the minor mistake
Leaving an egg in the pan for 14 hours, and other hilarity
"Hurry up, Mr Duckworth. We will be late to meet Her Majesty The Queen."
"Coming, coming Mr Lewis. I'm just boiling an egg. By my reckoning, it should be ready just about now."
A loud pop came from the kitchen, followed by shouting and cursing.
Lewis went to investigate. Holding a burned-dry saucepan in one hand and mopping up exploded egg with the other, Duckworth hopped around the kitchen in pain and alarm.
"Whatever have you done, Mr Duckworth?" asked Lewis. "How long had you put that egg in for?"
"Well, I started boiling it just before bedtime last night," said Duckworth. "But I fear I may have gone slightly awry with my calculations. Calculating the resources available - i.e. the egg - and the target - i.e. boiling the egg - I estimated that a rate of 95 degrees Celsius for 14 hours should do the trick nicely."
"Oh dear," said Lewis. "That sounds rather a lot."
"I think I might have slightly miscalculated," said Duckworth.
"Well, perhaps," said Lewis. "But in the absence of any better system, I think your one is as accurate as could reasonably be expected."
"I think so too, Mr Lewis. And no system can get everything 100% right all the time, can it? Shall we get a taxi to Buckingham Palace then?"
"Yes," said Lewis. "Now, I've calculated that it's about 52 miles, so assuming that the taxi travels at about 50 miles per hour…"
"Oh dear," said Duckworth. "But we are to meet Her Majesty The Queen in four minutes, Mr Lewis."
"Oh dear, indeed," said Lewis. "That is an interesting anomaly. I suppose if we were to take a Japanese bullet train right here from the kitchen and it went straight into Her Majesty's front room, then we might be all right."
"But I don't think that there is a Japanese bullet train between the kitchen and Her Majesty's front room, is there?"
"No, I don't suppose there is," said Lewis sadly. "Perhaps we need to do a bit more modelling of the numbers."
"I think that might be wise," said Duckworth. "Shall we have another go at boiling an egg?"
Alan Tyers is a freelance journalist based in London. All the quotes and "facts" in this article are made up (but you knew that already, didn't you?)
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