The 20,000th T20 match report

Stardate 24 February 2212
The 20,0000th Twenty20 international was played today between Domino's Pizza (Kolkata) West Indian Mercenaries and the People's Republic of Sachin Tendulkar.

The recalled Rahul Dravid accumulated in his customary fashion, but was comprehensively outscored by his partner, the Rainabot T20. The genetically engineered batting unit is possessed of incredibly powerful metallic arms and has an enlarged chest area to allow for the maximum number of sponsorship logos. It is powered by inserting shiny objects into its face.

The Rainabot is seen by its manufacturers, the sinister (although not secretive) Shastricorp, as being the future of Twenty20 cricket. Capable of shooting tracer bullets from the space between its ears previously occupied by the brain, the Rainabot quickly raced to 66 off its first 11 deliveries but suffered a short circuit when faced with a bouncer. Smoke began to pour from the Rainabot as it bleeped and gibbered unhappily. It was ordered off the field of play by the umpire, the cryogenically frozen head of umpire Richard Kettleborough.

Domino's Pizza Kolkata recovered to post a respectable 708, but were left ruing their failure to hit two of their 120 deliveries for six. In reply, the Republic of Tendulkar seemed in complete control - until the players, led by the ghost of Chris Gayle, went on strike for a greater share of spectral image rights and improved spirit-medium communications with their board.

However, the match was completed when the ECB offered to provide alternative players, and the pitch was soon overrun with 18-month-old South Africans, who are now being grown in pods at Loughborough University. Exciting newcomer Joost van der Replicant hit the winning runs, and was rewarded with a rusk, a piece of biltong and a British Identity Card.