Yorkshire ban Twitter

Committee Member Jack Pilkington slammed his laptop shut in fury.

"This bloody Twittering has to stop," he said. "It's not for the likes of us. Social networking site indeed.

"Did Fred Trueman feel the need to send hourly telegrams to each and every one of his fans telling them what he'd had for breakfast or what he was watching on the television?

"Would Closey have joined some daft online campaign to save a BBC Radio Station from the axe? Of course he bloody wouldn't: he'd have gone down to Bush House and smashed his head on the door until they gave him his way.

"Would Hedley Verity retweet - whatever the hell that means - would Hedley retweet an inspiring little message about Positive Thinking to all his followers so as to give them a little boost of a morning? Would he heck as like."

Members murmured their agreement.

"And coming after this business with poor Tim Bresnan. Well, what a bloody nonsense that was: the lad's just big-boned with a good old fashioned Yorkshire bowler's back side on him. Not like one of these skinny Southern back sides you see on the likes of Broad or Finn when you can hardly tell if they're a fast bowler or one of them heroin-chic clothes-modelling lasses."

"Down with the metrosexual Southerners and their slender posteriors," shouted a member.

"And their fancy social networking networks," shouted another.

"The time has come to say enough is enough," said Pilkington. "Young Azeem Rafiq has let himself down, and we'll have to go back to the good old days when players weren't allowed to speak to strangers either in person or on bloody t'internet."

"Total media blackout," cheered the members. "Circle the wagons!"

"He's had a right pop at his coach and he's made Yorkshire look bad," said Pilkington. "Everyone knows slagging the management off in public is not the way to conduct yourself."

"Youngster should have stabbed him in the back after a 15-year period of grievance and mutual distrust. The right way. The Yorkshire way."