'I'm certainly no Mr Miyagi'

Frank confessions of inadequacy and much else besides, in this fortnight's Twitter round-up

Alex Bowden10-Oct-2013

I don't want you to overreact, but this week's Twitter round-up features a player complaining about Nando's. I know that seems pretty unlikely, but stranger things have happened - even if nocturnal furniture assaults aren't among them.

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The fear
Alex Hales has an enemy.

"Wonder how many times I'm gonna wake up tonight thinking I'm being attacked by my wardrobe?! #nightterrors #nervous"
@AlexHales1

Look at it looming ominously.

The either/or
Kemar Roach is here to wipe away the confusion.

"It's Not That We Are Inadequate, It's That We Are Powerful Beyond Measure!"
@KemarAJR

Knew it was one or the other. Wasn't sure which.

The analogy
Darren Bravo fancies himself as a bit of a writer.

"That cover drive by @sachin_rt was like a glass of red wine in the desert! @irbishi"
@DMBravo46

What, out of place and not remotely thirst-quenching?

The insight
Kraigg Brathwaite has a revelation for us.

"The past is history"
@K_Brathwaite

The reflexes
Paul Collingwood's not as quick as he was.

"I'm certainly no Mr Miyagi. Been trying to catch a beefed up blue bottle in my bedroom for the last 15mins #cramp #lost"
@Colly622

The distinction
Chris Gayle wants to clear something up.

"I'm not lazy, just extremely motivated to do nothing."
@henrygayle

Life with Kemar Roach
How's it going, Kemar?

"These Are Some Serious Times!"
@KemarAJR

Why? What's been going on?

"Just Woke From A Short Nap! #Unbelievable"

That is pretty unbelievable. These are indeed serious times.

What's your philosophy?
What does Shaun Pollock have for us this week?

"It is a sign of maturity to see people for who they are and not only for what they can do for you!"
@7polly7

It's not a sign of enormous maturity, though, is it? You're setting the bar pretty low if that's the best you've got to offer. Maybe we should look elsewhere for wisdom.

And you? What's your philosophy?
Apparently Shaun has a rival wise man in the form of Kemar Roach.

"Always Follow Your Mind!"
@KemarAJR

If you don't follow, might you lose it?

Nando's Watch
Who's their biggest fan? Steven Finn?

"Enjoying a @NandosUK late lunch on my Todd this afternoon. Need to get them in before we head to Oz. Nandos a day keeps the doctor away"
@finnysteve

Nick Compton?

"Dear @NandosUK I'm hearing great things about the nandos black card? I'm doing a great shift for you up and down the country! A reward?"
@thecompdog https://twitter.com/thecompdog/status/386893862910050304

Or Alviro Petersen?

"Nando`s... #chicken"
@AlviroPetersen

Petersen gets points for brevity, Compton for shamelessness. But not everybody's happy. Ireland's Paul Stirling has a major complaint.

"Not happy with being unable to put a nandos on your nandos card once the receipt is printed. #bringbackthestamp"
@stirlo90

Admittedly, it's a loyalty-based complaint.