The Bangladesh tour dictionary

When it comes to matches against Bangladesh, English commentators struggle. They need to be seen to be treating Bangladesh cricket respectfully, but they want to emphasise how they think England should win with ease at the same time. The conflict between these two desires has led to a unique way of speaking where what is said is not necessarily what is meant and often amounts to making excuses for players from both sides. Sometimes it's just flat-out denial of the facts. Decoded below are the common phrases that you will hear, telling you what the English commentator really means.

"Make no mistake, Bangladesh have got plenty of strokemakers"
I have no idea who's batting, I have no idea what kind of a batsman he is, but that was a good shot.

"This won't be easy for England"
This really should be easy for England.

"England have never lost an international match to Bangladesh before"
This really should be easy for England.

"England have never lost an international match to Bangladesh before"
England are about to lose an international match to Bangladesh.

"And we've got another spinner coming into the attack"
I don't know any of these guys. Don't Bangladesh realise that you're only supposed to have one spinner in the side as a token gesture? It's fast bowlers who win you matches. Except for this Test. England would be fine if Bangladesh knew they should be relying on fast bowlers to win matches. It's practically cheating.

"Shakib Al Hasan is rated the best one-day allrounder in the world"
When did that happen? I've been paying no attention to Bangladesh for the last five years and assumed they were still rubbish. Why did no one tell me this?

"Bangladesh is a difficult place to tour"
I think they should rearrange the Future Tours Programme so that England tour the West Indies every year.

"It's hard to score quickly on these low-slow pitches"
Bangladesh are bowling very, very well indeed.

"It's tough for pace bowlers on these low-slow pitches"
England are bowling very, very badly indeed.

"The Bangladesh batsmen still struggle with the shorter ball"
After making 120 at quicker than a run a ball, scoring almost exclusively in hooks and cuts, Tamim Iqbal's finally gloved one down the leg side.

"Sometimes the Bangladesh batsmen lack patience"
That was a dreadful shot.

"That was a dreadful shot"
Sometimes the England batsmen lack patience.