'Does George Michael look like Merv Hughes?'

The headline
Turns out the parody Twitter account KP Genius (@KevPietersen24) was being written by @Bailsthebadger. As someone who writes a weekly Twitter round-up, I'm delighted to see the social networking site giving rise to stories of such earth-shattering importance.

The gold, silver and bronze
Nikita Miller watched the men's 200m final.

"New area code for jamaica (123)."
@nktmiller

The technique
Tim Bresnan watched whatever was on.

"Loving the mountain biking this morning. The speed walking, not so much. Them lads looked like they were doing the Dad run for a bus"
@timbresnan

The facial hair
Stuart Broad expressed what most cricket fans were thinking about George Michael during the closing ceremony.

"Does George look a bit like Merv Hughes?"
@StuartBroad8

He may have looked like him, but Merv would never have tried new material on such a grand stage.

The irony
Murali Kartik feels he's missed out.

"Feels like I have missed all the Olympic action in London.frm the time the games hav been on we hav been away&bk now for the last day.ironic"
@kartikmurali

That's not ironic. That's "stupidly arranging to be elsewhere during the Olympic Games". It would have been ironic if you'd taken a job in order to raise money for Olympic tickets and then had your contract unexpectedly extended as a direct consequence of disruption resulting from the Olympic Games. Is that what happened?

The alarm call
Steven Finn fancied a lie-in.

"Do not disturb sign is firmly fixed on the door. But the walls outside my room sound like someones driving a go kart in to them"
@finnysteve

Clearly the go-kart driver is interpreting the request as meaning that they shouldn't disturb the door.

The diet
How is Shane Warne maintaining his new, svelte physique?

"Spaghetti on toast followed by a piece of toast with Vegemite & way to much butter & cheese Now a hot chocolate whilst reading the paper"
@warne888

Ah, spaghetti on toast, then a piece of toast with Vegemite and way too much butter and cheese and then a hot chocolate. You should market that. You could call it the Shane Warne Spaghetti On Toast, Then A Piece Of Toast With Vegemite and Way Too Much Butter and Cheese and Then a Hot Chocolate Diet.

What else?

"I feel like a huge cold strawberry thick shake with extra ice cream...."

Yeah?

"Went for glass of water instead..."

Oh.

Getting to know God's philosophy?
Two regular features in one, as Sachin Tendulkar shares his wisdom with us.

"The things that count in life are the things that can't be counted! Happy independence day!!"
@sachin_rt

Actually, Sachin, anything that happens can be counted - even if it just happens once. Are you saying the only things that count are the things that never happen?

Nando's Watch
Craig Kieswetter's been trying new things.

"Wagamamas is the bomb!!!"
@kiesy_22

The next day.

"Play abandoned for the day so I'm off to Cadbury World #chocolate"

And then shortly after that.

"Seriously need to stop eating pick and mix!!"

That'll be enough for him. He'll be back with what he knows best by next week.